IRS Respecting Children of Divorce

New IRS rules clarify that children are winners under various sections of the tax code. The new rules clarify that a custodial parent need not release a claim to exemption in order for the non-custodial parent to claim certain tax deductions. This change reduces opportunity for conflict in high-conflict divorces. By itself, that is a win for children of divorce. The new rules can apply retroactively to tax years 2005 or later.

Specifically, the IRS has clarified that reimbursed medical expenses or accident and health plan premiums for a child can reduce the non-custodial parent’s gross income. This helps keep the parent’s income–spent in qualified ways–free from taxation as well as to keep that income from pushing the non-custodial parent into a higher tax bracket.

Additionally, fringe benefits, such as services or employee discounts that benefit the child, are allowed to be excluded from the non-custodial parent’s income. Also, distributions from health savings accounts that are used to pay for a child’s medical expenses are excluded from income.

Finally, amounts paid by a non-custodial parent for medical expenses for a child may be included in deductions on Schedule A.

The rule benefits are not limited to non-custodial parents. Any parent who pays expenses for a child may benefit. This includes custodial parents who have released the claim to exemption, non-custodial parents who do not have a right to exemption, and non-custodial parents who have been improperly denied the right to the child dependency exemption.

These rule clarifications should help parents decide that their children come first in divorce. Kudos to Mireille Khoury, the IRS representative who authored these rules. Congratulations for treating children and parents with the respect they deserve.

To find out more, drop me a line or look for IRS Revenue Procedure 2008-48. Or, visit my web site at www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com.

On Vacation

I’ll be back at my desk on Monday August 18. 

Throwing Rocks at Jail Birds

In Honolulu, when many people read a local newspaper about men in the legal system, the responding vitriol is acidic. When an article is printed about a woman suffering injustices after murdering loved ones, the sympathy they show is bipolar.

Refreshingly, the Honolulu Advertiser, this Sunday, July 27, 2008, published a local news piece on staffing shortages on family visitation days for prisoners locked up on Oahu, “Hawaii prison visiting days get canceled by staff shortages.” They note that nearly half of Oahu’s prisoners are shipped out to commercial prisons in Arizona and Kentucky where family visits are non-existent.

The ones who are left face uncertainty whether they, too, will be shipped far away from their families. But, they know for certain, that on any scheduled visitation day, their family visits may be cancelled because of lack of prison guards.

The journalist, Kevin Dayton, gives ample room to much needed voices, such as Marilyn Brown and Meda Chesney-Lind, criminologists at the University of Hawaii. Brown said “it is widely accepted among researchers in the field that maintaining family ties helps inmates to succeed on parole after they are finally released from prison.” And Chesney follows up, “The objective is to maintain the “pro-social” community ties of the inmates. Strong family ties mean the prisoners have financial support when they finally get out, and also have people they care about who are offering encouragement and emotional support.”

These concepts are important to understand inmate fathers who have children at home. The researchers also note that these men will ultimately be returning to their communities. “Everybody thinks when they go to prison they sort of disappear off the face of the earth. They don’t. These folks come back, and they either come back damaged, or they come back with the kind of attributes that will enable them to succeed on parole.”

The chronic, and sometimes ignorant, family-day understaffing at our correctional institutions reveals a whole lot about our warped priorities. The prison administrators and the legislatures who do not allocate enough money for prisoners are partly to blame. However, it is the everyday Hawaiian who is most to blame.

A small sample of Hawaiian’s erudite remarks on the issue include:

Ø Many of these inmates have had many chances to be with their loved ones before going to prison.

Ø The kids are the ones who suffer, and their parent is the one to blame.

Ø How about not committing any crimes, staying out of prison & getting to see your family & friends anytime? Don’t cry over spilled milk.

Ø Who cares? They are convicted felons living off of our taxes.

Ø These inmates are such cry babies!!!

Other’s argue rightly for more money and training for prison guards. If our culture is intent on putting people in prison, we should provide them with highly qualified staff who will help get them ready to reenter society. At the very least, the prison administrators should know that. Their primary job is to make sure these men are prepared. Keeping family ties strong should be a priority for them.

Fending off the throngs, who would burn and poke these men with fire and pitchforks–regardless of their crimes, that is a job that our media has successfully addressed today.

Accused Men Stand Alone

No one likes to stand up for a criminal. And a hundred times more, no one comes to the aid of a man accused of domestic violence or sexual assault. In our judicial system a defendant is innocent until proven guilty, unless the allegations are of domestic violence or sexual abuse. Before a man is convicted, he is likely to lose his job, his family, his friends, his home, his money and much more.

So it is with one case this week in Honolulu. The Advertiser reports on July 24, 2008 “Hawaii pastor accused of molesting girl for years.” The 56 year-old head of the religious organization “Back to the Cross” whom they call “Memo” was indicted by a grand jury after hearing from the now 21 year-old girl who told them she had been molested since she was 12.

While no one in their community suspected anything, including a number of members of Memo’s household–a type of religious commune–the allegations were enough to have him arrested and jailed on a $2 million bond. There is no other evidence noted in the 600 word article that condemns the man for his “heinous” actions he is alleged to have committed.

The Domestic Violence Prevention Industry in Hawaii relies upon these high-profile PR cases to name perpetrators guilty, especially men, far in advance of any trial in which any evidence is presented. These DV people use cases like this to inflate the numbers of victims and perpetrators, to appeal to the public’s ignorance, and to petition the state and federal governments for more money. And, it is by our ignorance that we encourage an anti-family, pro-divorce state far in excess of what McCarthy could have envisioned.

The truth is that women who make false and inflated allegations of domestic violence and sexual assault far outnumber the men who are guilty of such crimes. In this case, as in any other, the defense should be looking for other motives, finances, revenge, etc., that might indicate the presence of false allegations.

Far too often, in Hawaii’s secretive Family Court, one is not permitted to disprove negatives. Therefore, the judges are forced to side with the accusers. A continuous series of allegations may be deemed a “preponderance of evidence” sufficient to find a man guilty. Introduction of evidence that a man is innocent is often ignored. Lives are permanently changed by false allegations that destroy families and like ripples in a pond, all of us are affected by the injustice.

Right now, the woman in this case has simply made allegations. If this man is guilty, let them prove it with “clear and convincing” evidence. I am not advocating for a criminal. I am advocating for due process of law that is denied to most men in judicial proceedings in Hawaii. I hope he gets a public trial.

If he’s guilty then let the jury decide. If the girl is lying, she’s just destroyed the lives of a lot of people.

Remember Megan Meier?

The magazine “Wired,” on July 24, 2008, published an opinion article on the cyberbully/suicide case, “Lori Drew Files Motions to Dismiss in MySpace Cyberbullying Case.” They rightly contend that the case is ominous for its Federal intrusion into the life of a state citizen. The rights of states to make their own laws and deal with their own citizens is a founding principle of this country.

However, in this case, my personal feeling is that the middle-aged woman who is directly responsible for actions that led to the suicide of a 13-year-old girl should be held accountable. The abuse is well documented and the results are indisputable.

Ms. Lori Drew was charged with one count of conspiracy and three violations of the anti-hacking Computer Fraud and Abuse Act. In response, she filed three separate motions, arguing different positions, trying to get the case thrown out. In each position, there is logic that should be applied in any situation, but there is also a need for limits on the logic. The logical precepts are not absolute and in the hands of Ms. Drew, they just sound like another abuser trying to weasel out of the consequences of her actions.

Where the charges state that Drew acted as any other hacker in refusing to abide by the “click-to-agree” contract, Drew argues (through her lawyer) that “the government is allowing MySpace’s terms of service [TOS] to dictate what constitutes a crime.” Thus, if a TOS states that no right-hand people shall have access to my web site, then those who click the link below would be guilty of violating a crime. The logic is flawless. The degree of the offense then becomes the issue.

The charges also fail to state evidence supporting the allegation of an intent to do harm to another person. Where a young child is lost, our primitive instinct tells us, that it doesn’t matter what the intent was, we need revenge. In a court of law (outside of the secret Family Courts operating around the country), it is necessary to link the actions and the result with an intent, thereby establishing a continuous link of evil behavior to tragic results.

My own daughter has become mean-spirited as a knee-jerk response to any stress. At 13 she believes that it is all fun. Some people never grow past that emotional age. However, it is my opinion that a 40-something woman should be mature enough to understand the consequence of her actions. In my opinion, Drew’s actions and results are the intent.

In her third motion, Drew argues that the TOS did not apply because nobody reads the multi-page confusing legalese of web sites and software “click-contracts.” As “nobody,” I have to agree. I read those TOS pages, if only ever so quickly, to look out for unconscionable terms of service, whether it’s my cell-phone provider or a piece of freeware that I’ve downloaded to my computer. Ignorance of the law has never been a defense. Ignorance of the contents of TOS should never be a defense.

In order to make these three arguments, Drew has to acknowledge that a life is lost because of her actions. Yet, she is trying to get the courts to throw out the charges of the death of a young, innocent girl by confusing “contract law” with the emotional abuse she inflicted in a consistent and calculated manner. In my opinion, she is an abuser and a coward. Her own children are not safe with her.

I realize that Wired is trying to defend the rights of all us net users, but they’ve gotten in too deep to understand what angry women will do to the people they love and others they hate. My condolences to the family of Megan Meier.

To learn more about how women abuse the court system, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Hawaii and Other News for Men

Another young man was put behind bars today July 22, 2008 for dating an underage girl. The brief Honolulu Advertiser story, “Man Arrested for Sexual Assault” July 22, 2008, says that the 20-year-old man was arrested for first degree sexual assault. The alleged victim described the events to her parents between January and March of in July of 2008. The alleged perpetrator was confronted by the parents and then arrested.

Is the child pregnant? Do the parent’s smell money? Did this man commit child abuse? Or was he duped by a (teen) woman scorned? There are not enough details in the article to tell. What is sure, whether through intent or stupidity, this man’s life is ruined. My reaction; Kids getting kids arrested is no way to bolster this state’s already inflated domestic violence numbers.

In an unrelated case, a Connecticut worker accessed her coworker’s computer a day after she was fired and tried to have her boss’s electricity cut off (AP “Fired worker accused of trying to cut boss’ power,” June 21, 2008). The 33 year-old woman’s ruse was discovered when the utility company called the boss to verify the unusual request. She is charged with “breach of peace” and “using a computer to commit a crime” but was released without bail and with a court date next week. That gives her plenty of time to apply for another job and plot revenge against her future employer.

In Orangeburg, NY, the AP does little to explain why a man making $100,000 per year salary was living in a shed, “NY man earning $100K lived in company paint shed.” He was living, sleeping, and receiving his mail at the shed while performing his duties as a “maintenance man.” Since being discovered, the man has moved back in with his wife 3 miles away. I had a four-bedroom house. If we had had a shed, I might have moved into it. I can understand this story.

If you have questions about why your marriage is falling apart, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/ for information that may help you avoid mistakes that I have made.

Mother Mum on Missing Fla Child

Florida newspapers are lit up about a missing toddler, Caylee Anthony. Police have said they noticed a foul odor of “decomposition” in the family car and the alleged babysitter is suspected to not exist. With the mother, Casey Anthony, in jail on $500,000 bond and all but shut down mentally, investigators are focusing on what physical evidence there is to pursue. But, not many people are holding out hope for the two-year old girl.

In all the articles, I have not found any reference to the child’s father. So, it appears that this was a single mother, with an only child, living in a residential suburb of Orlando. Her lawyer is insisting that Casey is a good mother. Yet, when Casey’s brother took the stand, he told the court that Casey had told him that she had not seen her child in over a month.

When Casey’s mother took the stand, she couldn’t recall the last time she had seen the girl; June 8, no June 15. After a year, the grandmother had not even met the babysitter because she never went to her daughter’s house.

This case stinks. Did the child have an accident that the mother tried to cover up? Did the mother commit murder? Did the mother have a violent boyfriend who she was trying to hide from her family? Where is the father? Why did Casey lie to police about where she worked? How and why did her car end up abandoned in late June 2008? In every scenario, the mother has obstructed the investigation by refusing to talk about anything. So, she’s under investigation for child endangerment and murder.

It’s too early to tell if this is another “Susan Smith” or if Casey is protecting the killer for some illogical reason. The longer she holds out, the more likely that she will be able to get off with an insanity defense. What is clear, now, is that children in single parent homes are at greater risk of domestic violence, especially when the single parent is the mother.

Two States of Women

I don’t believe that men or women have two states of being, fulfilled or depraved. But it seems that much of society measures people more easily when these two distinctions are made. A man is either a father or a deadbeat-dad; a good husband or a perpetrator of domestic violence. A woman is either a mother or insane.

The incident described in an AP story on July 20, 2008, “Woman in W.Pa. baby mystery charged with homicide” is the sound from which an echo was heard in last year’s conviction in the Montgomery-Stinnet case. The copy-cat incident will heretofore be known as Curry-Johnson (or perhaps, Curry-Demus-Johnson due to the woman’s hyphenated taken name). In a similar fashion as last year’s gruesome incident, a depraved woman cut the fetus from a woman she had just befriended.

In my opinion, the Curry-Johnson story is the precursor because, in 1990, she was accused of stabbing a woman in a plot to steal the woman’s fetus and, after a day, was caught snatching a baby from a hospital. How Curry made it back on to the streets after her prior incidents of depravity is not discussed in the article. It is clear that the courts made too many mistakes.

On the same day, the AP reports on the stresses of war in our modern, post 9/11 culture. “As wars lengthen, toll on military families mounts” discusses how youthful marriages breakup and both deployments and homecomings are marred with incidents of domestic violence.

“Yet military officials acknowledge that the vast needs outweigh available resources…If the burden sounds heavier than what families bore in the longest wars of the 20th century - World War II and Vietnam - that’s because it is.” It is clear that times are hard for married couples and their children. Times are inconceivably hard for divorcees. Yet the man is often the faulted.

In a strange incident that begs multiple questions, various news outlets reported that a man stabbed, raped and abducted his wife, a soldier. A 7/21/08 CNN story, “Missing soldier found; husband charged,” reports that the “husband” turned himself in when he found out what was being reported to police and news media and was immediately arrested. Most of America is inclined to believe the news media stories, but it takes two to tango. It sounds to me as if something unreported was going on.

Closer to home, a Hawaii man is in jail, accused of threatening his wife although the article states that no injuries were reported. In the Honolulu Advertiser on Sunday, July 20, 2008, “Kona man accused of threatening wife” describes a wife’s complaint of a husband who abused her by holding a knife to her throat and telling her not to call 911. Sounds like we’re missing the incident that incited the violence reported.

The Star Bulletin, trying to present a father/daughter story, touches a nerve, “Dad, daughter follow the law. Criminal defense is this family’s specialty ” While the article is touching and describes the best intentions of a father for his daughter, the comments are incendiary when it comes to defending the rights of the accused.

Not because of her father, but because she saw the injustices of the system, she switched from social work to defense attorney work. The work is thankless because of prosecutors who go for broke in every case, alleging the most unimaginable crimes against defendants who have little or no representation. These defense attorneys provide checks to a system that has gone totally out of control. For those who cannot afford legal representation–which is most of us–this is the story of a brave father-daughter duo who won’t take BS from the system.

Also, on 7/20/08, the AP reported a story, “Father struggles to carry on slain family’s legacy.” Father’s are human. But this Connecticut man had his wife and children taken from him in a robbery, fire, and murder. At a 5K run in honor of his wife and children, this father choked back tears as he said, “They’re all very positive and you almost stay in the moment with the events and then — you know why you’re here and you don’t want to be here,”

Friends said “He still doesn’t know who he is and what every day’s purpose is. He still feels like he’s lost all his purpose for living.” This is a father who cared for his family. Sales of deadbolts, alarms, and guns have increased in this Connecticut community.

On July 21, 2008, the AP reports that a “Man wins divorce from angry wife in YouTube video.” “Walsh lashes out against Smith in the tearful and furious video, which has attracted more than 3 million hits. She makes embarrassing claims about their intimate life and then calls his office to repeat those claims to a stunned assistant. On the video, Walsh-Smith also goes through their wedding album, describing family members as “bad,” “evil” or “nasty,” and expresses concern about eviction from the couple’s luxury apartment.”

She gets $750,000 out of the pre-nup deal that was held to be valid. I was left with 26K owing after my breakup without a pre-nuptial agreement. Spoiled, depraved, selfish woman, are some of the comments that followed up the article when posted in the Honolulu Advertiser. I can’t disagree.

Most times we’re good. Sometimes we’re bad. The worst need to be burned. Those in-between deserve a fair hearing. Find out more on my web site http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Effects of Father-loss

The Honolululu Advertiser reported two diametrically opposite stories yesterday, Friday, July 18, 2009. A mentally incompetent woman is treated fairly by the court after having strangled and stabbed her mother. And a family carries on the memory of their father by traveling with his pictures and asking other travelers to carry on with his image and his story.

Both stories are tear-jerkers for many reasons. Mostly because loved ones are lost well before their time and the people who love them cannot begin to express their loss.

In the story “Woman found not guilty by reason of insanity,” a young woman, born without a thyroid, and separated from her mother for nearly her whole life, moved to Hawaii to spend some time together with the woman she never knew. The murder occurred because the child, Carol Weidman, at the time 26, had gone off meds, became delusional, believing her mother was going to kill her, and struck first.

This is a sad medical case and should not be deemed an instance of which the immediate cause was domestic violence. The violence was the manner in which the child never got to know her mother. It could have been the mother’s fault that she never cared enough to stay in touch with her daughter after her separation from her husband in Arizona. It could have been that her father refused to allow contact between the mother and child for far too long, perhaps to hide her embarrassing medical condition.

It is clear that the child became disoriented and depressed in the home of this strange woman. It is clear that the mother had no idea of the strange world the child lived in with a medical condition that can and did cause many complications for the child during her lifetime. Complications that were stacked on top of the issues children experience in divorce and separation.

It was a volatile cocktail and, probably one that this couple could not avoid once they got into the adversarial court system. If it was man or a boy who committed this crime, the outcome would surely have been far more punitive. But, the court seems to have come to a “least painful” conclusion for all parties by ordering the woman into a mental institution with the hope that she could be reunited with her father and brother one day.

The second Honolulu Advertiser story concerns the Bonney family showing their love for their Dad in an exemplary way. The family speaks lovingly of their 55 year old Dad when they call him “burly,” “enjoyed practical jokes,” and “loved his family.” Keep in mind that these same characteristics are often used to portray men as imposing, controlling, power hungry, and insensitive to others to the family court systems.

The father, Mark Bonney, died of gall bladder surgery complications. Their story is not entirely unique but their love for him has made it clear that fathers are important to their children. Their method of expression began with his desire to travel. The children began to carry pictures of him wherever they go, leaving the photos in touristy locations with a note for the next traveler to pick it up and carry it along.

Also included is the web site address, www.markonthego.com. The family reports that the web site “has gotten more than 2,000 hits; and about two dozen visitors have left information about their travels with Mark.”

His former co-workers, of 30 years, have gotten into the spirit, taking along his photos wherever they travel. “After working that long with somebody, they become like a second family,” said Uva Davis, who knew Mark for more than 20 years.”

When fathers are absent from their kids lives, this is just the beginning of the emotions that they feel. When they’ve been separated by divorce and ex-spouses who do not encourage contact, these emotions often cause unintended–but statistically provable—consequences, as in the Weidman case discussed above.

My personal hope is that we can all understand the gravity of the problems created by no-fault divorce, the adversarial divorce system, and the ease with which fathers and non-custodial parents are ejected from the lives of the children who love them and whom they love.

Visit my web site at www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com for more information.

4 A Child

I listen to internet radio nearly exclusively. Recently, there have been a number of advertisements for the ChildHelp organization (www.childhelp.org). In my skeptical nature, I find that these organizations are often fronts for feminists who seek to break up families and remove fathers from their children.

However, on this one occasion, this evening 7/17/08, I was listening to some golden oldies and a unique commercial came on. Paraphrasing, “Hi, I’m Sheila, your server for this evening. Would you like me to bring you a drink right away? And, by the way, I hit my child when I get angry and when she’s really bad, I just lock her in the closet.” If child abuse were this easy to detect, continues the advertisement, fewer children would be abused.

This spiritual based organization may be on to something. Men are not responsible for over 90 percent of child abuse. In adversarial divorce proceedings, mother’s get custody of their children over 80% of the time. In these single parent homes, a child is most likely to experience abuse. Whether a woman physically or verbally abusing her children, maternal abuse is more prevalent than any local media outlet or savvy politician will let on.

Under their “Get Help” tab, read the descriptions of what they can and cannot do. Decide for yourself. In the meantime, be wary of 1) social organization staffed soley by women, 2) legal representatives specializing in divorce and child custody cases, and 3) closed family courts that don’t allow independent scrutiny of proceedings in which fathers are invariably excluded from their children’s lives.

To find out more, read my blog and visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/