Mothers Who Lie and fathers who spend Father’s Day alone.
Children should not be subjected to a parent intent on denying access to the other child’s parent. This is part of the process of alienation. An alienating mother’s lies makes victims of the children and the family.
A common tactic of the alienator is to brainwash the child into believing certain circumstances are the truth. For example, “Your father does not want to see you.” But, no child will listen to that argument for long without seriously compromising their own mental health or rebelling against the alienating parent.
More often the blunt message is given while the children are young. As the child grows and begins to reason, the alienator invents tactics that respond to the child’s level of maturity. “If your father wanted to see you, he would…” and then the demands are laid down. Thus the manipulation of any truth becomes an easily believable lie to the child.
In my case, the court requires three therapists to provide proof that I am a good parent to my children.
My children knew me. I believe they still know me as a good parent. They know that I did not abuse them or harm in any way, yet they are being told–consistently–that their father is the one to blame for the harm caused by his own absence. “If your father cared about you, he would respect the court order.”
In addition to shifting blame, the alienator’s tactic plays well to a child who is not told about pertinent facts, such as HIPPA regulations that require client confidentiality.
As a self-proclaimed Marriage and Family Therapist, my children’s mother has had no qualms about exposing private and confidential information for her own gain. In their alternate reality, no one is entitled to a private and confidential relationship with anyone.
As time goes on, the “father’s sins” become the sins of the whole family. The smallest transgression leads to the termination of another relationship; a grandmother, a cousin, a concerned family member, a friend, or a community member. By this time, the child has no problem believing that the father is at fault.
The alienating parent will make targets out of more than just the father and people the child could have known.
She will make targets out of anything that the father believes in.
It is not difficult to sabotage a healthy relationship between two adults. Just a few overheard comments or a stern response at the mention of the other parent that, simply, lets the child know the alienating parent is not to be mentioned without risking the mother’s love.
The truly alienated child is cut off from all direct contact and indirect relationship with his or her father. It is the only way for the alienator to retain full power and control over the targeted parent and the children’s alternate reality.
It is the surest way to destroy a child’s life.
Mothers who lie to their children like this are angry, self-centered individuals who do not care about the harm they cause to others. They are consumed with inflicting harm on the target parent. They are consumed with permanently terminating the child’s relationship with half of their own heritage. They are enraged at the thought that another parent may be capable of loving his children with all his heart and these mothers will stop at nothing to terminate the love of a parent for his children.
Mother’s who lie will do everything in their power to deny what they do. My court order bars visitation. It does not bar contact. That does not stop the children’s mother telling all concerned that there is a No-Contact order. Thus it becomes the father’s fault that he is or is not making any attempts to contact his children.
My children’s mother knows that the cruelty and punishment she inflicts on our children cannot survive the appeals process.
She knows it is not the intention of the court to keep a healthy parent away from his children. She knows that the children are old enough to decide for themselves when they want to get back in touch with their father.
She knows that if she stops lying to them now, the children may never forgive her the hurt she has caused them.
