Bullying, A family tradition

The recent news stories about Lori Drew have brought attention to the harmful, even deadly, effects bullying can have. Drew is the mother of a disaffected friend who created the online persona, Josh, who first feigned affection for and then viciously criticized Megan Meier telling her the world would be better off without her. Megan was found hanged in her closet; a victim of suicide clearly brought on by Drew’s depravity.

The people over at cyberbullying.us have done a good job going over the facts in the well-publicized case. And they show that Megan is one of many who are the victims of cyber bullying.

The case against Drew was a long shot. The local courts could do nothing because cyber-bullying has not yet been identified as a crime. In Federal court, the prosecution tried to get the misdemeanor of a violation of the Terms of Service contract (TOS) connected directly to the Federal charges that would have implicated Drew directly in Megan’s suicide.

The connection failed and the judge was left with a decision whether to criminalize TOS violations; a decision that would have affected nearly every internet user–since it is likely that few of us actually read the TOS for each web site we enter and fewer still engage in misrepresentation with intent to harm others.

Megan’s mother, Tina Meier, continues to bring attention to cyber bullying.

I believe Drew is a despicable human being who will never accept that she has had a direct connection to the death of another human being.

I believe that no one will ever heal the wounds inflicted upon the Meier’s.

But what happened in this case brought back too many memories of my own separation and divorce. I saw my child running from corner to corner of the school playground, harassing other children on countless occasions, and didn’t recognize what it was. I heard that my daughter was expelled from school and I still don’t know all the details about that incident. I heard that my son had stabbed another child in his classroom. These kids are less than 10 – 11 years old when these stories get to me several years later through the grapevine.

I try to understand. My kids were abducted in 2000. My son was 2.5. My daughter was 5. We had a solid family. My kids were not headed in this direction.

Then I remember my ex-wife’s sister; a pretty and amiable woman, who spoke to me on several occasions of her efforts to upset other people. On one occasion, she faxed a ream of blank paper to a business acquaintance. I know my daughter picked up a few tricks from this auntie.

Then I remember my ex-wife’s now-deceased grandmother; an aging flapper, simply beautiful in her day, but with a pristine Nazi flag in her hallway closet, a husband driven out of her life at an early age, an Irish, oedipal son marrying a Japanese Hawaiian victim of abuse and living in a hell of a marriage that my ex constantly complained about that it should have ended long ago. I see, now, how this one-time flapper helped destroy my family.

Then there are aunties who, with derision, have sown seeds of discord. The cousins (who all seem to come from broken families) bringing their sense of family (deconstructing trust and love) into our family. And now my children have their grand-parents, a perennially bickering duo, as role models.

Bullying does not happen in a vacuum.

The family, the foundation of democracy in America, has to be broken for bullying to become a large-scale, community norm.

I would say we have reached the threshold.

Megan’s suicide was a clarion call. Women like Drew are increasing in numbers.

Women who use the courts to destroy families are increasing in numbers every day. If we do not recognize the crimes they are committing against our families and against our society, our culture will suffer and the American dream; a family, a home, and democracy itself, will fade.

To find out more about cyber bullying, visit cyberbullying.us and drop by my web site (LiveBeatDad) to find out more about the people who make cyber bullying so much more potent and destructive to our society.