There are cases of divorce and separation, in Hawaii, that do not make the “mainstream media,” the Honolulu Advertiser or Star Bulletin. But that wasn’t the case for Louis and Pam Jamila. The Honolulu Advertiser had published an article presenting Pam as the abused spouse for their domestic violence series “Crossing the Line.”
Don’t bother looking for the article, author Rob Perez, has pulled it from the internet.
While the children haven’t seen their mother in over two years, they are living contently with Louis, a caring and loving father who never gave up against the multiple false allegations of domestic violence and sexual abuse.
Louis knows that this is not the best possible outcomes. He wants the children to regain contact with their mother, but she’s off somewhere on Big Island -no phone -no address, just gone out of their lives. The kids talk and it’s the pain in their voices that gives Louis the hope that someday the mother will return.
On September 28, 2009, there were findings of fact and conclusions of law filed in Louis’ case that is now on appeal. Yes, Appeal. The mother, represented pro-bono by anti-family advocate, Lynne Jenkins McGivern, filed for an appeal in this case where men guilty of far lesser crimes of domestic violence have served jail time.
Louis is 51 years young. He has two natural daughters and one not-quite adopted daughter living in Kailua in pure Ohana style.
Years ago, Pam got weird. Was it alcohol, drugs, an obsessive connection to the internet? None of that matters now. What happened was Pam’s daughters went through hell while Louis worked two and three jobs to keep the family solvent.
A tired and exhausted, but sober and caring father, Louis would spend precious moments in the company of his daughters at his family home after a long day at work and fall asleep where-ever he was.
During their break-up, Pam took the opportunity to report these incidents to Child Protective Services. Two CPS investigations cleared Louis of any threat or intent to harm the children.
When this tactic did not work as planned, Pam filed for a Temporary Restraining Order. Remember, in the State of Hawaii there does not need to be any incident of domestic violence; the fear of the alleged domestic violence victim is enough to grant the TRO. Immediately, Louis was ejected from his home with court-ordered visitation between his children.
The Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law (FOF/COL) filed in this case describe a “troubled, contentious relationship” between the mother and her three children. Alcohol, internet chat rooms, and hostile, unpredictable, and violent behavior became the norm. Verbal abuse and physical punishment were common.
Note that, in many families, when the state removes the father, the mother has unbridled power. Fathers do matter.
DJ, the oldest, was punched while sleeping. AJ’s cellphone use caused a Christmas rage from which the mother could not calm herself. Numerous 911 calls were made during Louis’ absence.
Inexplicably in October 2007, Pam left the family residence and her children for three weeks. The children dispute that the mother tried to contact them at any point during this unannounced sojourn.
After her return, AJ, the youngest, went to live with the grandparents and KJ became the focus of Pam’s emotional and physical violence. KJ was ejected from the family home on more than several occasions and was ordered to call her father to pick her up.
Louis–while his heart was breaking–knew the purpose of Pam’s actions. She was trying to get him to violate the terms of the TRO. She wanted her children’s father in jail.
During the course of the volatile actions, the Court’s Custody Investigation Unit awarded temporary and sole legal custody to Louis.
After this decision, Pam “abruptly moved out of the family residence in Kailua and moved to Hilo with her vehicle.” No one knew.
Still, to this day, no one knows where Pam lives, who she works for or what she does for a living. Her $100 per month child support payments are now delinquent from December 2008. A man would be at risk of losing his license to drive or engage in business. These penalties do not correlate to the crime and, though irrelevant, will mar a person for life.
The children have been hurt beyond their wildest imaginations by their mother. Even though it has been more than two years, they want no contact or visitation. Louis knows this is not healthy. These children need both their parents. He wonders what the future will bring. He will never accept his ex-wife back into his life, but he yearns for the children to know the wonderful woman he married in 1995.
Louis is now dealing with $100,000 in court costs and, occasionally, the mother who still claims the children for Head of Household purposes on her annual tax return. The court found that Louis needs to improve his parenting with regards to the children’s individual counseling and attendance at school.
Every father wants the best for his children. I’m convinced that Louis is doing his best.
If you know Pam and if you think she has improved, let her know, the kids do not want more abuse. They don’t want to live in fear of the woman she became. They want to know the Mom they had.
Time is critical. Life is short.
Contact me if you know Pam. Respond to this article. Visit www.LiveBeatDad.com. Or, email to penumbrook at yahoo.com.
