Toddler, Brave and Bold!

One of the most challenging things about childhood is seeing it, as an adult, through their young eyes. Yet, every now and then, along comes the most amazing moment that simply opens the door to their world.

Today, I was lucky to experience one of those moments. Walking through the mall at my adult, focused and purposed speed to accomplish the tasks I needed to complete before dinner, I was approaching the threshhold of one of these arcade style stores that caters to children and teens with nothing better to do.

Bolting down and across the aisle towards me was a young lady, perhaps no more than two, with the attendant baby fat of a cherub and the prim dress of a princess. No, not towards me. She was yelling at the top of her little lungs, “Make way, I’m coming through.” She was running as fast as she possibly could with her short legs and ill fitting shoes that make toddling obvious and that cannot, in any way, contribute to the evolution of the human species. Still, the entire scene stopped me in my tracks.

Here I was pursuing the end of task and the goal of accomplishment. And, this child melted away any pretense that my world mattered at all. She was headed for the carousel. The horses and the dragons and the carts in which to ride them. Nothing could get in her way. She was in command of her world.

Such a smile came to me that has not left today.

I once had a child like this and, forever, in my heart, I will always stop and believe that she still exists.

A Dad’s Valentine For Life

Sometimes, life is too short. This article in the New Zealand Herald picked up a story about a father in Texas, USA. The article does not go into irrelevant details. It simply states, in words and an impressively stunning photo, the bond that a father and child share, in the moments before his death.

If only every mother could be so understanding of a man’s mortality and the frailty of life; both at it’s beginning and it’s end.

In our modern society, a healthy baby will live and thrive under the care of a surviving parent, or even without a parent. Strangely enough, it’s almost common-place to hear about a woman with, for instance, life-threatening hyper-clampsia not only surviving her pregnancy, but actually, getting released prior to her preemie. There’s plenty, already, to be thankful and joyful about. So, to know that a wife would induce labor for her terminally husband so that he can have the chance to hold–even for a moment–the human being to whom he helped give life, there are few words that could say more than “thank you.”

Yet–for a man–in receiving this gift, one’s frailty fades, one’s mortality is no longer relevant and the emotion of the moments of a life-time are reduced to tears that will have to last for this child for her whole new life. It is a simple, but important, gift that us men have to share.

This Valentine will, with hope, last for generations.

Have a Smart-Phone? Read This:

If you own a smart phone of any type, you should be aware that it is more like a computer than a phone. And like a computer it can be hacked.

Read this introductory article from the New York Times, “Build Up Your Phone’s Defenses Against Hackers” by Kate Murphy in their Personal Tech Department.

The “Never Give Up” Dad

Hard times have hit a lot of people for quite some time. Several of my friends and acquaintances are running out of unemployment benefits and will soon be part of the uncounted unemployed. There’s a lot of noise about class warfare, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone fighting for those of us on the brink of financial ruin.

So, when one hard-working Dad encourages his kids to keep going to school despite being pushed over the edge, it tells a story for the rest of us. This family’s desperate situation came to light only because their daughter, Samantha Garvey, was a semi-finalist in the Intel Science Talent Search. No doubt she’s smart. But, Samantha’s got something else going for her; a family.

As Rebecca Dube of MSNBC writes up the story on TodayMOMS, Samantha’s blessing is a Dad who doesn’t give up hope even after falling on hard times.

The story was a tear-jerker from the initial headlines a week ago that said Samantha was an Intel semifinalist and homeless. When you find out her Mom was disabled, they got kicked out of their home, their dog was taken to the pound and the Dad works 100 hours a week and finds time to help them stick together as a family with encouraging words and hope for a better future; it gets personal.

“Never Give Up.” A homeless Dad’s message of hope is a message that rings true for so many of us in so many ways.

If I could, I would say the same to my kids.

Children of Divorce:Thoughts

One of the pieces of information missing in our vast databases of our technologically connected world is what happens to children of divorce. While the world of social science is inexact at best, often, it is the only window we have to unearth some of the social constructs of flawed morality built into laws that exacerbate the very problem they were intended to alleviate. Such is the world of divorce. Filled with emotion and reaction and lacking any data.

Vikki Stark, family therapist, is conducting a study of the impact on children of how they learned about their parents’ divorce. She is a researcher who is studying the effect of the moment of revelation on children when they learn that their parents are getting divorced. Vikki is looking for participants who would be willing to fill out a questionnaire for her online study.

Vikki wants you to answer a few questions on the topic “How you found out about your parents’ divorce. If you are an adult who was a child/teen when your parents got divorced or are currently a child/teen of divorce – help kids in the future through your participation!”

Vikki has set up a survey questionaire suitable for kids ages 4 to 17 with parental consent or adults who were kids when their parents divorced, to study and analyse the moment of revelation at which parents inform their kids that they are getting divorced.

“The experience of telling your story will help you too.” Read more about it in her Psychology Today article here.

Mango Leaves

Did you ever notice, in the hot, overhead, Hawaiian midday sun, that the leaves on the mango tree shimmer and sway gently in the breeze with a hundred different colors. The darkest are the full, rich greens in the shade of younger, opaque leaves. The ripples on the long slender curves shake with branches holding too closely to recently trimmed and well manicured trunk and limbs, the leaves themselves trembling and changing their angle to the eye, oscillating ten or twenty times every second. The next noticeable color is the fresh green of every new leaf lit up with the passing radiant energy of the sun, not cooking or shriveling like our own delicate haole and human skin, but basking along the outer and top edges of every branch. Occasionally, you see a thrust of light brown just unfurled leaves that haven’t had time to drink up their first rain. All around them, the bright green and shaded leaves appear to be dancing, cheering them on, confident, connected and all reaching for the same goal. Near the top, many leaves, fully grown and reaching further in shoots and bursts, glancingly, reflect nearly all the light of the sun. They actually sparkle with a dazzling, super-white reflection, changing in thousand fleeting moments with wind and movement. A mango tree, planted in Hawaiian soil, wants to grow. It wants to put forth fruit that we can all share and that ensure its survival. So too, our children. Such is my tribute, and my wish today, to the sun, the wind, the rain and the beauty of Hawaii.

Dads are an American Icon

Hardworking dads are an American icon. Yet, comprehensive and reliable information about a father’s positive role in our children’s lives is hard to come by. The reason why it is hard to come by is not because there is a lack of information. It is because there is an information overload from the other side.

What is the “other side”? To answer; The well-funded, anti-father industry. An outgrowth of the anti-domestic violence industry which is heavily biased in favor of women’s victimization and which allows a woman the right of “innocent until proven guilty” but denies the very same right to men. There is a fractal effect upon society that twists the budding sprig of a child’s emotions into a heavily armored offensive weapon. Our children will bring the anti-dad legacy into the future and it will split into two camps with ever diverging thoughts; 1) that Dads are useless and 2) that children need both parents.

Separation and divorce is one of the most understudied, overwhelming, and detrimental cancers on our children in our time. Yet, the phenomena is treated as a bastard child of social irrelevance. The ease with which a mother may terminate a father’s love leads a child to believe that extinction of a parent is much easier than cutting down an old-growth forest or paving over a wetland. In fact, it is just as easy as ordering a happy meal at a drive-thru judicial proceeding.

It is easier (and more financially lucrative) to separate a father from his children than a mother. Guilty without recourse; father’s are being cut out of their children’s lives and being held liable for the damage to society by their absence; an exponential whammy, exploited by the anti-domestic violence industry, yet, defeating their purpose and enabling the exploitation and abuse the industry creates.

But hardworking Dads are not the type to give up easily. When our children are shorted, physically, emotionally, and spiritually from their other parent, we are the first to speak out and point to the injustice in the system as well as the damage occurring to our kids.

Our kids deserve better. The next time you hear about domestic violence, understand that men and women are equally likely to start or finish the incident. When we acknowledge this little bit, we can begin to work on the problem.

Dads (and moms) are icons to preserve in a child’s mind and psyche for their lifetime, for their livelihood, for our future.

Even Psycho Ex-Wives Admit

As more people become aware of family strife exacerbated by family courts looking for easy-way-outs and simple solutions to messy divorces, more people are beginning to accept that the courts don’t know everything and don’t always make the best decisions for the families and the children affected by their actions. There’s more truth to this now than ever, in this internet age where both sides have the opportunity to make their personal lives public. Anthony Morelli is going through just-such a divorce and has chosen to make public the facts that have destroyed his life as is recounted in this article “Bashing your ex in public may be free speech, but is it in your children’s best interests?“.

The interesting thing to note about this divorced couple is the ability of each to accept their responsibility for what happened in their past. Allison Morrelli discussing her alcohol abuse in the article recounts, “I’ve done my own damage, but I’ve owned it, and I’m trying to be a better person for my kids.”

Anthony, describing his own experiences with the divorce, notes “We have been through 3 custody evaluations, 6 false contempt petitions, 3 custody schedules, 1 psych evaluation, 1 false child abuse allegation, 2 false calls to the local sheriff’s office, 4 years of parental alienation, $80,000, 1 break in, 1 case of stalking, 1 restraining order, and we FINALLY have 50/50 custody of their children.”

ThePsychoExWife web page is gone, by court order, but is now replaced by something more important. The right of every individual to decide for themselves what is in the best interests of their children. Morelli’s new web site Save ThePsychoExWife.com website advocates for free speech in an age where family court judges are making far too many errors on behalf of the “best interests of the children.”

In an age when our family courts can permanently deny visitation between a father and his children based on false allegations, there is a lot at stake for the future of our children. When one parent can deny the love and care of another parent, it is child abuse and it should be recognized as such. No court should have the power to deny visitation based upon demands dictated by only one parent. No court should be above the needs of the family to be reunited.

No court should be able to curb or deny the power of free speech to correct abuses in the court system that was designed to protect, but now is–everyday–destroying the lives of families across the country.

Visit Save ThePsychoExWife.com website to make a difference. Speak out for free speech. Speak out against the anti-family agenda of people who would tear our country apart, family by family.

Comprehension

Complete, absorbing, understanding. In the lay sense, we think of comprehension as understanding something. In the experiential moment–when the existential breaks through to normalcy–comprehension is a moment of fulfillment. That moment may be a flash of a new perceptual value–the AHA!–or an accumulation of experience and knowledge that deepens and broadens our intellectual grasp of a field of knowing–the Zen of it. The accumulation of knowledge is only limited by the limitations we place upon our selves. The human form–the brain, the body–was and is designed to comprehend. Compute prehensile tensions. Realize, Resolve, Comprehend.

A thought offered today for my K&K.

Rocket Dad

“The picture we waited 30 years to complete.” Chris Bray is quoted in a Yahoo News article about side-by-side snaps of he and his Dad waiting for the first and the last shuttle missions to launch.

Chris and Kenneth Bray, STS1 to STS135

The photo has been viewed on Flickr over 500,000 times. “The Brays’ photo touched a chord of nostalgia in many rocket enthusiasts… melding of the personal with the historical.” And further Chris says, “The picture had a lot of significance for me and my father, but we didn’t expect that the photo would touch so many other people.”

This is the meaning, the chord of nostalgia, the music of the history, between a father and his son or daughter. There is nothing more important in a child’s life than maintaining a relationship with both parents.

For those of us who have been cut off because of divorce, separation, and unrequited animosity, the 30 year photographs are usually ones of bittersweet reunion. With all that time in-between lost to history without even a song.

Chris and his Dad are among the lucky ones who got to spend a lifetime sharing their love of the space program. “The moment has stayed with me since that day, and is one of my fondest memories and childhood experiences.”

Though my kids are nearly grown, it is never too late to hope that they will hear, within themselves, the truth about their Dad. Then, maybe, I’ll get a phone call and we can snap another photo.