Comments for Penumbrook's Weblog http://penumbrook.wordpress.com Fathers, families, children, divorce, noncustodial parenting Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:44:23 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-200 Pablo Wegesend Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:44:23 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-200 Mr Holbrook, you might've had more credibility if you 1) acknowledged the seriousness of real domestic abuse BEFORE 2) lamenting the instances where some spouse might've manipulated the court system with unsubstantiated claims of abuse! The stuff I read so far from you has a tons of #2's but almost zero #1s. IT's as if #2's outnumber the #1s by a Billion to One! Ending relationships can be hard, but if there's emotional, psychological or physical abuse, then it has to end! It's not going to get better! Even if the abusive one promises to change, we can't wait forever until it happens! Even if children are involved, do we have to wait until the child becomes a full-fledged adult before abuser finally changes? That's too late! As fas as I'm concerned, people like Chris Brown need to take a LONG break from dating! Even if Rihanna allegedly provoked him, his extreme over-reactions (biting, strangling) are a sign that he needs to take a break from dating for a long time! As for a solution, it depends on the case. Maybe a first-time offender who was provoked and shoved his/her lover might only need probation and a temporary restraining order! Extreme acts of violence might require long prison sentences! Otherwise, the abuser will take the justice system as a joke! Which is how a lot of violent criminals see it! I mean, if already got 20 slaps on the wrist from the courts, how seriously could you take the 21st slap on the wrist? Mr Holbrook,

you might’ve had more credibility if you 1) acknowledged the seriousness of real domestic abuse BEFORE 2) lamenting the instances where some spouse might’ve manipulated the court system with unsubstantiated claims of abuse!

The stuff I read so far from you has a tons of #2’s but almost zero #1s. IT’s as if #2’s outnumber the #1s by a Billion to One!

Ending relationships can be hard, but if there’s emotional, psychological or physical abuse, then it has to end! It’s not going to get better! Even if the abusive one promises to change, we can’t wait forever until it happens!

Even if children are involved, do we have to wait until the child becomes a full-fledged adult before abuser finally changes? That’s too late!

As fas as I’m concerned, people like Chris Brown need to take a LONG break from dating! Even if Rihanna allegedly provoked him, his extreme over-reactions (biting, strangling) are a sign that he needs to take a break from dating for a long time!

As for a solution, it depends on the case. Maybe a first-time offender who was provoked and shoved his/her lover might only need probation and a temporary restraining order! Extreme acts of violence might require long prison sentences! Otherwise, the abuser will take the justice system as a joke! Which is how a lot of violent criminals see it! I mean, if already got 20 slaps on the wrist from the courts, how seriously could you take the 21st slap on the wrist?

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by penumbrook http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-199 penumbrook Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:05:06 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-199 Hey Pablo, I appreciate that you can talk from the heart about personal experiences. You are a good writer. But the fact is that most U.S. divorces and separations happen under the pretense and specter of domestic violence. I feel like you've been taking my comments out of context. Minor conflict occurs in every relationship. When people can't resolve minor conflict, it escalates. That's when bad things can happen. I'm not arguing that murder isn't DV. It is. But, I believe that people can learn to resolve conflicts and this belief is based on simple democratic principles starting with respect for one another. The people who advocate for "alleged DV victim's" are often pushing a radical philosophy of government intervention in personal lives. I know you've read your history. You know that violence increases in radical communists and fascist regimes. Yet, for all your education, I haven't heard you talking about a DV solution. Your victim's advocates aren't looking for solutions either. I am. Hey Pablo, I appreciate that you can talk from the heart about personal experiences. You are a good writer. But the fact is that most U.S. divorces and separations happen under the pretense and specter of domestic violence. I feel like you’ve been taking my comments out of context. Minor conflict occurs in every relationship. When people can’t resolve minor conflict, it escalates. That’s when bad things can happen. I’m not arguing that murder isn’t DV. It is. But, I believe that people can learn to resolve conflicts and this belief is based on simple democratic principles starting with respect for one another. The people who advocate for “alleged DV victim’s” are often pushing a radical philosophy of government intervention in personal lives. I know you’ve read your history. You know that violence increases in radical communists and fascist regimes. Yet, for all your education, I haven’t heard you talking about a DV solution. Your victim’s advocates aren’t looking for solutions either. I am.

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-198 Pablo Wegesend Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:41:42 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-198 Just because you had custody issues with your ex-wife, that doesn't erase the fact that domestic violence ( accurately called "domestic terrorism" by Dr. Bouchard) isn't a serious and deadly issue! Maybe some females exxaggarate to the court about how bad the husband is, but THAT DOESN'T ERASE THE FACT that in too many homes worldwide, there is extremely violent abuse going on! Abuse so violent, it would be too explicit for an R-rated movie! Jaws broken! Necks strangled! Bodies thrown down the stairs! Pregnant women attacked! This isn't just what I read in the newspaper! THis happened to real life people I know! Your blog is a disrespect to them! Those things don't just disappear just because you had custody battles with your wife! The problem is you don't show enough outrage over real domestic abuse cases! There's NOT AN OUNCE OF OUTRAGE towards real life sadistic abusers! NOT ONE OUNCE! You're still mad at your ex-wife over the custody battle, that you automatically assume that every case of domestic abuse is a minor issue! Even if your ex-wife did lie, that doesn't mean that many other victims of domestic terrorism are lying! Just because you had custody issues with your ex-wife, that doesn’t erase the fact that domestic violence ( accurately called “domestic terrorism” by Dr. Bouchard) isn’t a serious and deadly issue!

Maybe some females exxaggarate to the court about how bad the husband is, but THAT DOESN’T ERASE THE FACT that in too many homes worldwide, there is extremely violent abuse going on! Abuse so violent, it would be too explicit for an R-rated movie! Jaws broken! Necks strangled! Bodies thrown down the stairs! Pregnant women attacked!

This isn’t just what I read in the newspaper! THis happened to real life people I know! Your blog is a disrespect to them!

Those things don’t just disappear just because you had custody battles with your wife!

The problem is you don’t show enough outrage over real domestic abuse cases! There’s NOT AN OUNCE OF OUTRAGE towards real life sadistic abusers! NOT ONE OUNCE!

You’re still mad at your ex-wife over the custody battle, that you automatically assume that every case of domestic abuse is a minor issue!

Even if your ex-wife did lie, that doesn’t mean that many other victims of domestic terrorism are lying!

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-197 Pablo Wegesend Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:16:08 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-197 What if the abuser doesn't want to change? What if he/she just says it, in order to TRICK the victim to think it will never happen again? Once the victim falls for it, it happens again! And again! And again! Abusers say they'll change, but when nobody's around, they laugh at anyone who's gullible to believe that! How long do we have to wait? If it's my daughter, son, niece, nephew, granchild is being abused, I REFUSE TO WAIT! Real men REFUSE TO WAIT if their relatives are being abused by their spouse! Action needs to be taken! Or we could do what Holbrook suggest and WAIT for the abuser to change! Yeah, they might change! After you daughter, son, grandchild, nephew, niece etc gets broken jaws, black-eyes, injured throats, damaged genitals, etc! After your pregnant daughter gets kicked in the tummy! You want to wait? Wait for what? Your daughter to leave home in a body-bag! Yeah, the abuser might change! IT WILL BE TOO LATE! You think these are minor issues! You think that it's OK for children to be abused by their parents! You think it's not a big deal if your daughter gets abused by an extremely violent man! You think your son is not a real man if he gets attacked by his abusive wife! You don't mind if your grandchild gets abused! You're only upset if your grandchild is no longer in the custody of your child's abusive spouse? You'll tell your sons and daughters to stay with their abusive spouse, even if it means waiting DECADES for the abuser to finally change? You call me a fear-mongerer! DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can call me fear-mongerer all you want! Because your rhetoric is based on ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY - The attitude of <i>"Hey look at me everyone, I'm defying political correctness"</i> What if the abuser doesn’t want to change?

What if he/she just says it, in order to TRICK the victim to think it will never happen again? Once the victim falls for it, it happens again! And again! And again!

Abusers say they’ll change, but when nobody’s around, they laugh at anyone who’s gullible to believe that!

How long do we have to wait?

If it’s my daughter, son, niece, nephew, granchild is being abused, I REFUSE TO WAIT! Real men REFUSE TO WAIT if their relatives are being abused by their spouse!

Action needs to be taken!

Or we could do what Holbrook suggest and WAIT for the abuser to change!

Yeah, they might change!

After you daughter, son, grandchild, nephew, niece etc gets broken jaws, black-eyes, injured throats, damaged genitals, etc! After your pregnant daughter gets kicked in the tummy!

You want to wait? Wait for what? Your daughter to leave home in a body-bag!

Yeah, the abuser might change! IT WILL BE TOO LATE!

You think these are minor issues! You think that it’s OK for children to be abused by their parents! You think it’s not a big deal if your daughter gets abused by an extremely violent man! You think your son is not a real man if he gets attacked by his abusive wife! You don’t mind if your grandchild gets abused! You’re only upset if your grandchild is no longer in the custody of your child’s abusive spouse? You’ll tell your sons and daughters to stay with their abusive spouse, even if it means waiting DECADES for the abuser to finally change?

You call me a fear-mongerer! DAMN PROUD OF IT!

You can call me fear-mongerer all you want! Because your rhetoric is based on ONE THING and ONE THING ONLY – The attitude of “Hey look at me everyone, I’m defying political correctness”

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-196 Pablo Wegesend Fri, 20 Nov 2009 01:00:14 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-196 Think of this: Your spouse threatening you because you were smiling at someone else of the opposite gender! You actually have (gasp) friends of the opposite gender! Your spouse is trying to cut you off from your friends and family! You can't even go out for a few minutes without your spouse trying to follow your every move! Your spouse slaps you for being a few minutes late! Or for not buying the right gift! You can't stand it, you try to speak up, then your spouse beats you beyond recognition! But that's a "minor issue" in the minds of the Holbrook's of the world! No, what's major in the minds of the Holbrook is keeping a child away from an abusive parent! That is what Holbrook considers wrong! Not the violent sadistic abuse by the spouse! Think of this:

Your spouse threatening you because you were smiling at someone else of the opposite gender! You actually have (gasp) friends of the opposite gender! Your spouse is trying to cut you off from your friends and family!
You can’t even go out for a few minutes without your spouse trying to follow your every move!

Your spouse slaps you for being a few minutes late! Or for not buying the right gift!

You can’t stand it, you try to speak up, then your spouse beats you beyond recognition!

But that’s a “minor issue” in the minds of the Holbrook’s of the world!

No, what’s major in the minds of the Holbrook is keeping a child away from an abusive parent! That is what Holbrook considers wrong!
Not the violent sadistic abuse by the spouse!

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-195 Pablo Wegesend Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:21:43 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-195 I left a comment here about an hour ago, and for some reason, it's gone! Anyways, here's my response to Mr. Holbrook Holbrook: <i>Honolulu seems to have a lot of people who are quick to use fear to describe domestic violence.</i> Me: Of course you're supposed to be afraid of a situation where someone could break your jaws, strangle your throat, slam you down the stairs, and cause other bodily damage or even death! If making people aware of those things is "fear-mongering", then we need more fear-mongering! ------------ Holbrook: <i> My recent article to the Honolulu Weekly responded to Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard who advocates that domestic violence is a good enough reason to end a relationship.</i> Me: If someone is threatening you, or causing you severe bodily injury, then you better end that relationship! To do otherwise is appeasement! Appeasement doesn't work in the real world! --------------- Holbrook: <i>Mr. Wegesend is wrong to say that families can’t change. </i> Me: But how long do we wait for an abuser to change? Months? Years? Decades? After jaws, are broken? After someone is thrown down the stairs? How long should your daughter wait if that's how she's being treated? ------ Now, abusers can be both male or females, the victim can be both male or female! THe vibe I'm getting from Holbrook has NOTHING to do with concerns of abuse victims! Holbrookes vibe is <i> Hey look at me everyone, I'm defying political correctness!"</i> Holbrook will deny it! But this whole blog I'm commenting is dripping with this <i> Hey look at me everyone, I'm defying political correctness"</i> attitude! I know too many people personally who are victims of abusive spouses! Holbrook's attitude is a total disrespect to those people! But why should he care about that, when his m.o. is all about <i> Hey look at me everyone, I'm defying political correctness</i>. It gives him a false sense of toughness, a false sense of being "big and bad", a false sense of macho-ness! I left a comment here about an hour ago, and for some reason, it’s gone!

Anyways, here’s my response to Mr. Holbrook

Holbrook: Honolulu seems to have a lot of people who are quick to use fear to describe domestic violence.

Me: Of course you’re supposed to be afraid of a situation where someone could break your jaws, strangle your throat, slam you down the stairs, and cause other bodily damage or even death!

If making people aware of those things is “fear-mongering”, then we need more fear-mongering!
————
Holbrook: My recent article to the Honolulu Weekly responded to Dr. Michael Ra Bouchard who advocates that domestic violence is a good enough reason to end a relationship.

Me: If someone is threatening you, or causing you severe bodily injury, then you better end that relationship! To do otherwise is appeasement! Appeasement doesn’t work in the real world!
—————
Holbrook: Mr. Wegesend is wrong to say that families can’t change.

Me: But how long do we wait for an abuser to change? Months? Years? Decades? After jaws, are broken? After someone is thrown down the stairs? How long should your daughter wait if that’s how she’s being treated?

——

Now, abusers can be both male or females, the victim can be both male or female!

THe vibe I’m getting from Holbrook has NOTHING to do with concerns of abuse victims! Holbrookes vibe is Hey look at me everyone, I’m defying political correctness!” Holbrook will deny it! But this whole blog I’m commenting is dripping with this Hey look at me everyone, I’m defying political correctness” attitude!

I know too many people personally who are victims of abusive spouses! Holbrook’s attitude is a total disrespect to those people! But why should he care about that, when his m.o. is all about Hey look at me everyone, I’m defying political correctness. It gives him a false sense of toughness, a false sense of being “big and bad”, a false sense of macho-ness!

]]> Comment on The Fear of Domestic Violence by Pablo Wegesend http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/the-fear-of-domestic-violence/#comment-194 Pablo Wegesend Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:56:38 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=690#comment-194 Fear-mongering? More like Truth-Telling! And I never said "families can't change", I said many abusers only change after DECADES of abusive behavior! That's too long to wait! It has NOTHING to do with the "DV industry". I am not paid by the "DV industry". My thoughts are based on personal observations and reading real-life stories! It is also based on common sense! Mr. Holbrook's main goal seems to be to go around and say "hey, look at me everybody, I'm defying political correctness!" Would love to write more, but I don't have unlimited time to comment on everything I would like to comment on! Fear-mongering? More like Truth-Telling!

And I never said “families can’t change”, I said many abusers only change after DECADES of abusive behavior! That’s too long to wait!

It has NOTHING to do with the “DV industry”. I am not paid by the “DV industry”. My thoughts are based on personal observations and reading real-life stories! It is also based on common sense!

Mr. Holbrook’s main goal seems to be to go around and say “hey, look at me everybody, I’m defying political correctness!”

Would love to write more, but I don’t have unlimited time to comment on everything I would like to comment on!

]]> Comment on The Japanese Double Standard by penumbrook http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/the-japanese-double-standard/#comment-190 penumbrook Wed, 14 Oct 2009 09:22:43 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=640#comment-190 Forgive my earlier response. You certainly have a right to be upset about a cheating husband. As much as I have a right to be upset about a Japanese double standard imposed upon me when it was convenient. A jaded woman in any culture will call marriage vows a gilded cage. I think we both agree that Noriko has been given power and control over her children's lives. Will she do the right thing and connect them with their father during their growing years and his half of what and who they are or will she prove the monster that she is by permanently terminating the father's relationship with his children? History does not side with the best interests of these children. Forgive my earlier response. You certainly have a right to be upset about a cheating husband. As much as I have a right to be upset about a Japanese double standard imposed upon me when it was convenient. A jaded woman in any culture will call marriage vows a gilded cage. I think we both agree that Noriko has been given power and control over her children’s lives. Will she do the right thing and connect them with their father during their growing years and his half of what and who they are or will she prove the monster that she is by permanently terminating the father’s relationship with his children? History does not side with the best interests of these children.

]]> Comment on The Japanese Double Standard by penumbrook http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/the-japanese-double-standard/#comment-189 penumbrook Tue, 13 Oct 2009 04:53:15 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=640#comment-189 Focusing on Christopher Savoie's "cheating" is like like complaining that the garbage man didn't pick up the trash while your children are being beaten by your spouse. He moved away from family and friends to be with the woman he loved and start a family. Noriko did not. He learned Japanese. Noriko did not learn English. She threatened him multiple times with divorce (this is abuse in and of itself). She openly expresses her bigotry "It's very difficult to watch kids becoming American and losing Japanese identity." They fought over baseball, Scouts and, likely, other children's activities that are a part of our American culture. This Father has every right to introduce his children to American culture, so that his kids can see what their Dad's culture is like. It is very likely that she cut off all intimacy and sexual companionship long before his eyes started wandering. Noriko cheated her husband out of a happy marriage and she cheated their children out of a Father. Focusing on Christopher Savoie’s “cheating” is like like complaining that the garbage man didn’t pick up the trash while your children are being beaten by your spouse. He moved away from family and friends to be with the woman he loved and start a family. Noriko did not. He learned Japanese. Noriko did not learn English. She threatened him multiple times with divorce (this is abuse in and of itself). She openly expresses her bigotry “It’s very difficult to watch kids becoming American and losing Japanese identity.” They fought over baseball, Scouts and, likely, other children’s activities that are a part of our American culture. This Father has every right to introduce his children to American culture, so that his kids can see what their Dad’s culture is like. It is very likely that she cut off all intimacy and sexual companionship long before his eyes started wandering. Noriko cheated her husband out of a happy marriage and she cheated their children out of a Father.

]]> Comment on The Japanese Double Standard by Caterpillar http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/the-japanese-double-standard/#comment-188 Caterpillar Sun, 11 Oct 2009 21:40:48 +0000 http://penumbrook.wordpress.com/?p=640#comment-188 The cheating husband to me is more harmful than Noriko. I think the childern should be in Japan because they belong there. If the cheating husband really wants the kids and loves the kids then he has to more to Japan. For starters he didn't keep his marriage vows and cheated on her. Then they lived for 14 years in Japan so that's law of Japan should be the one they both have to obey. The only one who benefits form the ex-wife and the childern moving to US is the cheating husband. She took care of him and the kids when this fool was working for the past 14 years so the $800,000 is rightfully hers. She probably deserves more for putting up with this cheating husband. The cheating husband to me is more harmful than Noriko. I think the childern should be in Japan because they belong there. If the cheating husband really wants the kids and loves the kids then he has to more to Japan. For starters he didn’t keep his marriage vows and cheated on her. Then they lived for 14 years in Japan so that’s law of Japan should be the one they both have to obey. The only one who benefits form the ex-wife and the childern moving to US is the cheating husband. She took care of him and the kids when this fool was working for the past 14 years so the $800,000 is rightfully hers. She probably deserves more for putting up with this cheating husband.

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