The Japanese Double Standard

Child abduction is a crime. It is a crime because the child undergoes life-changes that disconnect the child from one or more parents, their stable and predictable home. Child abduction is child abuse.

Few fathers can see it coming. But, it is often the mother who will abscond with the children, sometimes fleeing across state lines. Sometimes, fleeing across countries. In every case there are disastrous consequences for the children.

In recognition of this, in 1980 the U.S. joined the Hague Convention that standardized international laws on child abduction. Japan is not party to the agreement.

Thus, we have situations in which a mother, self-absorbed and with no care for her children’s future, absconds with them to a place that is considered a commercial equal to the U.S. but acts like an 18th century rogue state in family matters.

CNN reports of Christopher Savoie who tried to fight the battle he knew would come after his infidelity in their 14 year marriage; likely sparked by his wife’s failure to provide the nurturing love a husband needs–but that’s another story; I’m sure.

Christopher gets an email from his Japanese national wife, “It’s very difficult to watch kids becoming American and losing Japanese identity, I am at the edge of the cliff. I cannot hold it anymore if you keep bothering me.”

So, we can see that the mother has a bit of racism and a lot of paranoia about what would happen to the kids in their divorce. But she makes it happen anyway. And the $800,000 she received in the divorce settlement seemed to only cement her animosity against him.

Noriko Savoie not only agreed to stay in the U.S., she did so in a court of law here in the U.S. Christopher tried to convince the judge that giving custody to Noriko would be very bad. But the judge was swayed by Noriko’s promises and gave in to the emotional plea of a mother.

In Japan, the mother has sole custody rights. No question is asked. No newspaper will print anything that has to do with a father who wants to see his children. No one will acknowledge that fathers can, sometimes, be better parents than can mothers.

So, even after Noriko’s faithless promises, she abducts the children to Japan. Chris goes to court and the judge agrees that he should have custody. When he gets to Japan, he visits with the kids and heads for the U.S. consulate. He was steps away from the gate when he was arrested by Japanese authorities who now accuse him of attempting child abduction.

“He practically predicted it would end this way.”

“I love you, Isaac, Rebecca,” he said. “Your daddy loves you forever. I’ll be patient and strong until the day comes that I can see you both again. I am very sorry that I can’t be with you.”

“I want Americans to know what’s happening to me,” Christopher Savoie said in Japanese. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

A kidnapper and child-abuser is on the loose with her victims. And the Japanese Government is supporting her.

Will she be shamed by the damage she will cause to the children if she continues to pursue this vendetta against her husband? Not likely. And the Japanese government will be more than happy to keep Christopher locked up for a long time.

It is time we learned a bit about the Japanese culture that can severely damage our children.

To find out more about women who flee with their children, visit my web site at www.LiveBeatDad.com

And for those Japanese women who think they can have everything, maybe they’ll get a chance to meditate in the middle of Typhoon Melor.

Keep our children safe. Keep families safe and alive. Visit FETCH.

Honolulu Domestic Violence March

The HA announced on 10/1/09, on the day of the annual Domestic Violence Awareness Month, that the Men’s March Against Violence is to occur on 10/15/09. The understated public announcement comes not quite 10 months after the HA’s failed attempt at the topic of domestic violence, “Crossing the line“, bylined nearly entirely by Rob Perez.

Perez continually and pointedly accused men, boys, and especially our military veterans of causing an epidemic of domestic violence on our Hawaiian Islands that–strangely–appears to affect only women.

In fact–in the Perez world–only women are victims. They are never perpetrators or capable of perpetrating domestic violence crimes. And, “wonderingly,” all of our daughters are the future victims of domestic violence crimes.

Perez is so thorough that he offers proof that men commit domestic violence by revealing that some men admit it and especially after being thoroughly indoctrinated in concentration camp style re-education programs designed to help them stay out of jail.

“Men play a significant role in domestic violence and should therefore be a significant part of the solution,” said Joe Bloom, Catholic Charities Hawaii program director and a heterosexual male who is socially and emotionally dominated by his life partner.

It seems some men have been convinced, at least until they are married, that other men cause domestic violence.

So these marching men are being “asked” by their wives to commit to a ceremony at which they will perpetuate the myth that Domestic Violence is a male perpetrated activity “at noon at the State Capitol Rotunda, with a march around the Capitol block to follow at 12:20 p.m.”

“Speakers from the Hawaii Poets Slam, families, and the state legislature will lead a pledge of non-violence at Queen Liliuokalani Statue. A lei ceremony will conclude the commemoration.”

Maybe they need to ask a few Dad’s who have been through divorce in Hawaii to speak. At least that would be a way to keep the topic of domestic violence open and honest.

To find out more about the true nature of domestic violence, visit my web site www.LiveBeatDad.com.

Domestic Violence Victim: Families

October is–among other things–the official month of Domestic Violence Awareness.

Last year, Hawaii was subjected to a barrage of inaccurate and potentially harmful information through the Honolulu Advertiser series, Crossing the Line. Rob Perez won an award for the series but he had to tell a few lies to get there.

Stereotypically, Perez hammered home the lies that men are perpetrators and boys are future abusers. Military men are especially prone to violence. Women are always victims and daughters are all future survivors.

The dialogue to end domestic violence stops at this impasse and the advocates of this failed philosophy contribute to domestic violence that scars families and children for generations.

I recently read Ms. Christina Janko’s October 1, 2009 article in the Anchorage Examiner regarding the opening ceremonies to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month activities in Alaska.

I have sent this letter individually to as many as I could to emphasize the Alaska-Hawaii Connections, but here–in memory of Jason Adams, a father with roots in Alaska and Hawaii–is my open letter to you all.

I want to thank you all for participating in and sponsoring events to raise awareness of domestic violence.
* Alaska Governor Sean Parnell,
* Alaskan Senators Lisa Murkowski and Mark Begich,
* Anchorage School District Superintendent Carol Comeau,
* AWAIC.org Volunteers and Coordinators,
* Mary Magdalene Home.

As an advocate for victims of domestic violence; particularly, fathers and children, I would like to help you understand that domestic violence is a two-way street.

If a woman is battered every 15 seconds, so is a man.

My primary concern is that most domestic violence occurs in the family courtrooms of America. These closed courts are being abused by women who believe that only men commit domestic violence. “Throw the bum out,” is their mantra, and families are torn apart.

They leave, in their wake, confused and often innocent men who are treated like second class citizens. In a woman’s sole custody, children–torn from their fathers–suffer lifelong psychological scars.

911 is not a parenting style.

The crimes against families are crimes against men, children, and society.

You may have heard the speech of Dara Carlin who attended the opening ceremonies. Ms. Carlin, in an article she wrote of herself at StopFamilyViolence.Org, speaks loftily about ending domestic violence, but I would ask you to verify her claims. Please visit my web site at www.LiveBeatDad.com.

You will find out that, far from being an advocate against domestic violence, Ms. Carlin is a serial perpetrator of false allegations—not only against me, her ex-husband—against many loving fathers who have been torn from their children.

The topic of domestic violence needs open and honest communication between men and women. For six years, I have been doing my best to promote education and communication with the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (efetch.org).

Domestic violence can be stopped with education, with mutual respect and with the understanding that we are all human.

I last saw my daughter in Summer 2005. My son, Fall of 2006.

If you see my children, please tell them that their father loves them very much.

Visit my web site, www.LiveBeatDad.com, for more information about domestic violence.

We can stop families being broken; the biggest hurt and suffering caused by domestic violence.

Tattooed Child Suffers the Most

Did the DA want to lose? The Honolulu Advertiser reports on 10/2/09, “No mayhem charge for California dad who tattooed son. A California man, Enrique Gonzalez, will not have to face a life sentence for tattooing his seven-year-old son. The son, BTW, asked for the tattoo “saying: “I want to be like you.”".

The background on the story makes you wonder how something like this could have happened. Gonzales belongs to a gang with a particularly bad rap. Guys in gangs usually grow up in families without fathers. Yet, here he is, according to this story, participating in the boy’s upbringing, listening to his wants, and doing the best by him that he knows how.

For some of us, its like looking at an alien culture. There were a group of men who were getting tattooed. Women in the group were tattooed. Tattoos are a culturally accepted thing. Here in Hawaii, almost every native Hawaiian I have ever met has tattoos as do many of my Haole friends and acquaintances.

Suspend for a moment any preconceptions that a 7-year-old should not have a tattoo. It’s not our culture to say so.

So, what is “mayhem” and why does it carry a life sentence? The dictionary defines it as the willful and permanent deprivation of a bodily member. Tattoos don’t usually result in dismemberment. The article explains that the charge, aggravated mayhem, is “a crime more closely associated with disfiguring beatings, shootings and stabbings.”

“During questioning Monday of the boy’s pediatrician, Nieto raised the issue of other painful and scaring procedures to which parents subject their children, such as ear piercing and circumcision.” None of these rose to the level of mayhem.

BTW, The tattoo is being removed.

Where did the charge come from?

Apparently, when the boy was returned to his mother after visitation with the father, she called 911 and reported the “disfigurement.”

911 is not a parenting style. What this woman did is a crime in and of itself. Instead of acting like a mature parent and dealing with the medical nature of the tattoo, she began a legal process that subjected the father and his friend to jail and a lengthy public court trial. The emotional damage to the child is likely to be far in excess of the father’s lack of good judgment caring for his child.

Why would a woman do this?

She wants to prove that the father is abusing his child and all visitation rights should be permanently dissolved. It is a common tactic.

Strangely, the child, growing up in a fatherless home, will be more likely to join a gang.

This needs to be recognized for what it is; a crime by the mother against the father, against the child, and against society.

I’ve heard some bad things about gangs. I’ve listened to many stories about the men who become gang members. Nearly all are fatherless children. Mr. Gonzales was trying to do the right thing. Do we really need to perpetuate the cycle by supporting women like this?

Domestic violence is a two-way street. It seems this Dad was on the receiving end this time. Maybe next time, he’ll make better decisions about his son’s care. But, destroying his family will not make the child whole again.

Find out more about the violence women contribute to families on my web site, www.LiveBeatDad.com.

Talk To Your Child

Bad news comes in bundles. It’s packaged for you on the front page of your newspaper and it is most likely to make the headline on the local news channel. The headline that gets repeated over and over and over again. It’s all too easy to get caught up and forget the people around us.

It’s important–if not a bit harder–to look for the gems of knowledge and insight that rise to the surface of the news blabber each day. For example, today, the New York Times Health Section featured a September 29, 2009 article titled, “From Birth, Engage Your Child With Talk.”

The first thing you may notice reading the article is that there is no “news” at all.

Younger couples may be mis-directed by their techno-gadgets into paying less attention to their children. Mothers tend to be more involved in a child’s development but Fathers frequently play a big part. Children understand far more than we give them credit for, so don’t baby talk your baby. And, “avoid verbal frustration.” Just because your 3-month-old child isn’t having a conversation with you doesn’t mean they don’t deserve your full attention.

When my daughter was born, I recognized her as a fully developed human being and I treated her with the respect and dignity she deserved from that moment.

The NYT correspondent, Jane Brody, is trying to communicate the same message. She says, “long before they became verbal, we mimicked their noises, letting them know they were communicating and we were listening and responding.”

She quotes Randi Jacoby, a speech and language specialist in New York, “Young children require time and one-on-one feedback as they struggle to formulate utterances in order to build their language and cognitive skills.” Ms. Jacoby’s general advice to parents: “Reward your little one’s communicative attempts with your heightened attention to his/her conversation.”

And Ms. Brody reiterates “Talk to your baby whenever you have the chance,” the American Medical Association advises parents. “Even though he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, your calm, reassuring voice is what he needs to feel safe.”

Read books, sing songs, talk to them, talk with them, listen to them, respond to their utterances, reaffirm their gestures with words, and encourage them to speak.

Ok. Now the hard part.

Do this through infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, pre-teen, young-adulthood, teenage-hood, and adulthood. We must change our methods of communication along with the growing child. In infancy, we read to them about squares and circles and sing itsy-bitsy spider. In adulthood, we want them to know they have participated in their upbringing because we gave them the language and tools they needed to say what they wanted all along.

Our goal is to encourage our children to become productive members of society, to achieve far more than we ever dreamed about, and to know that we, as parents, have been good custodians of their dreams.

To find out more about the democracy of language and the family as the incubator of a democratic society visit my web site, “www.LiveBeatDad.com” and read up on the Family Education programs I talk about. Alternatively, visit the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (efetch.org) and sign up for our Friday night training sessions this Fall Semester at the University of Hawaii, Manoa Campus.

Just one more tip: You can talk and sing to your child while they are still in the womb. I will never forget that my daughter recognized and perked up at the Star Trek theme in her first few days.

A Successful Single Mom

I’ve been a long-time supporter of Glenn Sacks and, since he has joined with the Father’s and Families movement, I appreciate his perspective all the more. But there is never a moment more worthy of repeating when a single, divorced mother manages to make her voice heard–not to you and me, but to her children–that we parents are fallible.

Glenn asks Kimberly Roberts to write of her trials and her success when the custodial mother believes that shared parenting is good for children, and good for women.

Please take the time to read “Successful Shared Parenting—A Divorced Mother’s Perspective September 28th, 2009 by Glenn Sacks, MA, Executive Director.”

Then visit my web site for a father’s refresher about how to protect yourself when women cannot accept Ms. Roberts perspective.

Birthday Gifts from an absentee Father

I did not choose to be away from you today. I have done my best to be closer to you.

I hope the books are appropriate. I hope they have arrived on time. Miss you! Love Dad.

LiveBeatDad.com

Monforto’s Bear Hug Encore

I can’t tell you how much I believe Steve Monforto deserves the nomination “Father of the Year.”

You need to google this or look it up on You Tube out takes. Steve Monforto, Emily, 3-year-old, foul ball, catch of a life-time. These are some of the keywords you can use to look this up. Or try this link.

Steve is a season ticket holder. He went to a game with his wife and two kids. She had the younger. Steve had Emily. Steve is caught on tape, leaning over the railing and catching his first foul ball ever. He high-fives friends and instinctively gives the ball to his daughter.

She makes the throw of the century over the railing.

Steve and the crowd gasp. Steve throws up his arms in surprise and in a fraction of a second realizes what his daughter did is everything that he had ever taught her to do.

Emily, scared and confused at the enormously audible crowd reaches for Dad. Dad responds with the most adorable Father / Daughter hug of this Century!

He later states, “I didn’t want her to think she did anything wrong.”

As one commentator says, “This is a once in a lifetime…” STOP!!!. You can tell this commentator does not have children. This is all of us–everyday DADs. That is why it is important to nominate Steve Monforto as Dad of the Year!

No matter what you do or say, you can’t stop us loving our children. Visit me at www.LiveBeatDad.com.

What Dad’s are Made Of?

The Major League Baseball has all Dad’s bragging rights today. Steve Monforto, a Phillies fan, caught his first foul ball and after high-fiving his friends, gave that baseball to his 3-year-old daughter, Emily, the one he’s been playing catch with for years.

Emily is a natural. She throws the ball back into the game, much to Dad’s surprise. And as the crowd collectively gasps, Emily cowers thinking that she made a mistake. But Steve is no ordinary Dad. He is a major league hero. He chuckles and comforts his daughter assuring her that she did nothing wrong.

This scene–played out on Yahoo, YouTube, and MLB.com millions of times today–is the everyday Dad in all of us. It is resonating with all Dad’s as the quintessential moment that we live for.

–And the video appears to have been pulled from the web at the moment. Hmm.–

Excellent parenting, Steve. Don’t be modest. Give the Today show it’s best show on Fathers.

Annanova, however, has a different story about men’s morals. We all like to look at pretty women and we know that looking is free. But when this buck-naked woman came barging onto a construction site in Vienna, Austria, shouting “WHO WANTS ME!!!”, the gentleman laborers onsite had the wherewithal to step aside and hide till the police arrived.

“The woman was detained and was put under a doctor’s care,” said the article. Maybe she needed a hug from her father?

This Huntsville, Alabama boy, Boy faked kidnapping to cover for bad report,” however, must have had another motive for ditching his schoolbag and making up a story about being abducted.

When children can’t get attention from their parent’s in the way Steve knows how to give it, you can bet they will try other means. Their primary motive is to belong, just like you and me want to belong to a family, to friends, to a club, to an occupation. It’s pretty simple when we parents have the tools we need.

I hope the parents of this 11-year-old boy get it.

It seems to have been a life experience this Hofstra student never had. Why would a woman recant a gang rape allegation? Why did she make the allegations in the first place? Four men went to jail based upon what she later testified was consensual sex.

Did she get a conscience? Or maybe she remembered something similar that happened to her own Dad? I find it surprising that a criminal investigation has been launched into the statements and reports given by the woman. As a society, have we ever recognized that these types of lies by women destroy men? This would be an interesting case to follow-up on. But, I’m not holding my breath.

I would like to know if Hawaii Advertiser’s, Three pre-teen girls arrested in Kalihi after iPod is reported stolen, gets the courts to consider that females mature earlier than men and their crimes against others should be considered crimes against society at an earlier age than boys.

While the girls were arrested on suspicion of felony theft and the iPod was recovered and returned, one has to wonder if they ever received a hug like Steve could give his daughter.

Then, one has to wonder what it is about women that make men so emotionally unstable. Today’s Advertiser also reports that a “Makiki woman reports finger was bitten off during argument.”

I have had some really good chicken wings that have been spicy right down to the cartilage, but I can’t imagine what marinade was in this Makiki lady’s cocktail. It just doesn’t seem as appetizing.

Then there are those women who choose an illicit marinade for so many years that they find themselves backed into a corner, “Pahoa woman who drove at officers sentenced to 15 years.“

Rina Shimizu, 29, pleaded guilty to charges of promoting dangerous drugs and first-degree assault on a police officer. “You put people at risk,” Circuit Judge Glenn Hara told Shimizu yesterday. “I believe that a danger to the community exists as long as you are in the community.”

Public Defender Melody Parker noted that Shimizu needs extensive drug treatment. She realized that she panicked when she drove through the roadblock and clipped Fernandez [the police officer]. She said police did not need to draw their guns and fire into Shimizu’s car. Parker said that Shimizu’s first brush with the criminal justice system happened at age 11, she has only an eighth-grade education, and she deserves “an opportunity to free herself from this ball and chain of drugs that have been the hallmark of her existence.”

Prosecutor Skier said “I have no problem with the defendant getting drug treatment while she’s in prison.” Judge Hara noted during sentencing that Shimizu’s mother and sister are both incarcerated and asked “Miss Shimizu, when does the light come on?”

Still, we have our Hawaii trained police force, the highest caliber of individuals in the nation, to respect. Right? Which makes me wonder why Honolulu Advertiser even prints some stuff.

“Kauai woman died of overdose” is a story of a mentally unstable woman, Lauren Kagawa, who had multiple prescribed medications and a whole lot of alcohol in her system before she was found outside her apartment on August 17.

From tragedy, the Honolulu Advertiser is looking for excuses. “Initially, police said they suspected foul play in the death of Kagawa. Less than a month before her death, Kagawa had filed for a temporary restraining order against her ex-boyfriend, a former Kauai police officer.”

HA does not say whether the TRO was granted. Since our Family Courts give these out like candy and TRO hearings are held within two weeks, either the hearing was not held (not likely) or the Judge found no grounds to continue. Why does HA have to take a swipe at an innocent man and our police officers in general without disclosing all the facts.

Lauren, Rina, Lunalilo Street woman, the Kalihi pre-teen girls, the Hofstra consensual sex woman; If any one of them had known of the comfort and reassurance a Father’s hug could have given them in their moment of angst, Steve would just be any other guy. But today, he is a hero for all fathers.

Find out more about being the hero father you can be. Visit my web site at www.LiveBeatDad.com. Thanks, Steve!

Hawaii Mother Starves Her Family

Jim Dooley is one Honolulu Advertiser reporter that can be trusted to report the basic facts about domestic violence and family abuse. In his recent article “Hawaii mother accused of starving daughter, 12, takes witness stand,” Dooley made the case plain and simple.

Denise Wright is on trial for starving her child, causing brain damage from mal-nourishment and, according to pediatrician and child abuse expert, Dr. Victoria Schneider, had the child near death when she finally arrived at Kapiolani Medical center. The 12-year-old girl weighed only 29 pounds.

Ms. “Wright described growing up in a South Carolina home where she saw her stepfather violently abusive to her mother and said when she married Melvin Wright Jr. she “backed down” to his wishes.”

She blamed her husband, a U.S. Marine veteran for “having affairs on me and staying out all night.” Melvin required Indigo to be schooled at home and Mainland relatives were responsible to provide books and learning materials.

“Asked by her lawyer, Debra Loy, if she knew that the state imposed educational standards on home schooling, Wright said, “No, I did not.”"

Ignorance of the law is a bad defense for a speeding ticket.

Ignorance of life is a bad defense, plain and simple.

I don’t doubt that Ms. Wright could have done this on her own. Perhaps, Mr. Wright enforced austerity in their household. But we are not a society of Taliban. And we are not a society that condones infanticide.

We are, however, a society that gives women a voice and helps them to tear apart their own families after trials such as these.

Let them spend their time apart for the crimes they have done. But give them the opportunity to heal their family.

Whether guilty, innocent, or acquitted, Ms. Wright has a great responsibility to reunite her family. She would do well to stop accusing others.

To find out more about how families are torn apart in our Family Courts, visit my web site at www.LiveBeatDad.com.