Archive for June, 2008

Fatherhood Commission Speakers and Movements

June 29, 2008

Today, 6/28/08, in Honolulu, the Hawaii Fatherhood Conference hosted speakers Scot Cunningam of the National Fatherhood Initiative (www.fatherhood.org) and the President of the Children’s Rights Council, John Bauserman.

Cunningham is a dynamic speaker and a motivated father who’s mission is to bring Dads into the national spotlight as good people and responsible parents. Cunningham’s primary message and the theme of the Fatherhood Council was achieving balance between the workplace and family life. I’ll have more to write about him later because he has so many good resources for parents.

Bauserman, a lawyer based in Fairfax, Virginia, was the keynote speaker passionately delivered his message on Shared Parenting and Joint Custody. The topic has been presented in Hawaii Family legislatures for the past four years and has run into resistance from some very determined opponents who misunderstand its basic tenents.

Also, www.crckids.org, the national web site for the Children’s Rights Council, has an action alert out for people to contact their state representatives to support the joint custody resolutions, S. Con. Res. 59 and H. Con. Res. 241. These can be found on thomas.loc.gov.

In summary, Shared Parenting and Joint Custody is a presumption in divorce, that, notwithstanding any real domestic violence or other pathological behavior of either parent, the best interests of the children lies in giving them equal access to both parents. Thus, the CRC clarion call “The Best Parent is Both Parents.”

Our sole custody divorce system promotes winners and losers. One parent may win custody but the children are always the losers. Adversarial divorce proceedings ensure that any animosity between divorcing spouses will be exacerbated by the system. One parent gets primary custody. The noncustodial parent becomes a visitor in the children’s lives. This is guaranteed to increase conflict, increase depression and anxiety for all parties, and decrease the noncustodial parent’s obligation to provide child support.

Joint custody, although not a panacea, is the best alternative that can alleviate the majority of problems for the majority of people going through the emotionally draining process of divorce. It can help our children feel connected with the parents who they love. It can decrease animosity in and the adversarial nature of divorce and it will likely decrease divorces and domestic violence overall.

Bauserman has promised links on the CRC website coming soon that list the immediate and long-term benefits of Shared Parenting. I would also like to see a model statute and a form letter that we can send to our state congressional representatives, because, ultimately, this is state law that we have to change.

With his speech today, I feel that the Joint Custody initiative in Hawaii has gained the momentum it needs to become reality. Although it is too late for me, many families depend on this to keep together in the future.

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Charlatan Shaibani Demeans Truth and Justice

June 27, 2008

When you get one of these guys in your court, you know you have problems.  “Saami Shaibani often testified for the prosecution in big murder cases, taking the stand as an expert in what he called “injury mechanism analysis” — a combination of physics, trauma medicine and engineering that he used to determine whether, say, a woman fell down the stairs or was beaten.”

So reports, “He had women sticking their heads in toilets… That’s just not science. How do you peer review that? How do you test his conclusions?”

Based upon the wild and unsubstantiated science, the Wisconsin Supreme Court was persuaded to overturn the conviction of a man serving life in prison for allegedly poisoning his wife and drowning her in a toilet. The court ordered a new trial.

But at least these courts are looking at scientific evidence. In most courts aroud this country, what she said is what he is guilty of. And that’s it.

So who are the people appearing in your Family Court room? Chances are, they are not vetted even as this charlatan was. Visit my site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/ to learn more about the crazies and nuts that will be involved with your divorce and child custody case.

Believable Insincerity

June 27, 2008

Blaming children for what they have learned from us is a common error we make as parents. The child who smokes at 12 or gets caught drunk at 14 is chastised, grounded, and punished in many ways. Yet, as parents, we often fail to realize that it is our smoking and drinking that have led children into these behaviors in the first place.

I don’t smoke or drink excessively. But, when I recently received an email from my ex, the larger problem of being denied the simplest visitation with my children for over two years was revealed by the smallest offense.

As background, I suffered a sense of humor in which it was ok to self-deprecate, but not permitted to disrespect my then wife. The term of endearment she used for me, “Jerk,” became part of daily life over my objections. Practical jokes were cute when someone else was the target, and my ex would tell me long stories about how she and her sister would victimize their targets. Also, she used the term “Dumb Butt” as a pejorative worthy of her most hated targets, such as her father or mother.

From our legal proceedings over the past 10 years, it is easy to see how her hatred and anger have grown, I was not terribly surprised to find the “name” of my email address in her TO line, “Dumb Butt.” According to my ex:

Long story short, one of the kids thought it would be funny to re-name some of my email addresses when I didn’t close my account down on the computer awhile back so I’d like to apologize to Larry for this because it was truly inappropriate. We had a long discussion over here (once again) about the appropriate use of the computer and conditions for computer use and the guilty party has been consequenced for the “boundary violation” and implications of such a “joke”.

What the parent has missed is that the daughter has adopted the mother’s lifestyle of hating people she does not know or understand.

Having been kidnapped and denied visitation at five-years-old was just the first part of years of inappropriate conduct demeaning the child’s father in front of the child and allowing the child to be within earshot while complaining about her hated ex-husband. These techniques of parenting have long been recognized as child abuse.

Without the presence of the noncustodial parent, the child caters to and complies with the custodial parent to ensure that she belongs and is loved. The noncustodial has been forcefully removed and therefore must be weaker and dumber as the custodial parent continues to deny visitation. Therein lies the power of the controlling parent to do long term harm to a child while denying all responsibility.

Forever in her life, this child will believe that a person who loves them, her father, can be taken away upon the whims of another person more powerful, her mother. Love will never be something she can count on as true and beneficial for both lover and loved. Her father and men in general will be objects to be abused. Thus the cycle continues.

To find out more about how to protect yourself from women like this, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Innocent Men in the News

June 26, 2008

In a clarifying 5-4 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court restricted the application of the death penalty for child rape. While even the thought of such a crime is abhorrent, the men accused, convicted, and on death row, both claim their innocence.

In an article by the “Christian Science Monitor” (6/25/08 ) and many other stories covering the decision, most news outlets focused on the expansion of the death penalty beyond the most heinous of crimes of murder. Six states have jumped on the death for child rape bandwagon.

As a side note, commentator “Virginia Sloan, president of the Constitution Project, a Washington-based legal-research group,” briefly raised the specter of false allegations against the accused, creating yet another victim. “She said expansion of the death penalty beyond murder “would have exacerbated the already intolerable level of error at the expense of both crime victims and those wrongly accused of these terrible acts.”

At least some people recognize that men are, more frequently than most people realize, victimized by false allegations and in some cases, their lives are at stake.

Also, in the news today, Briton, Neil Entwistle argued for his innocence but was convicted of murdering his baby and wife. The couple was described by family, neighbors, and friends as hard-working and loving. They had some debt and upon that motive, prosecutors fabricated a reality that included a loving father shooting his baby while the child suckled at his mother’s breast and then shot her.

As the jury read the verdict, Entwistle “closed his eyes and shook his head slightly.” What other explanation is there? A very depressed woman used her father’s gun to take her life and the life of her 9-month-old baby.

Who do I believe? Not the prosecution. I feared for the safety of my children during my marriage because of the very same conditions presented by the defense.

In the child rape and in this murder trial, there is a legal principle called “reasonable doubt.” Proof beyond a reasonable doubt is the standard by which a juror must make a decision to claim a man’s guilt. In each of the cases highlighted in today’s news, there was reasonable doubt that the man did not commit the crime of which he was accused.

It is clear to me that none of these men were convicted by a jury of their peers. They were convicted by the blind masses who have denied the dark side of the feminist personality and accept guilt without proof as long as the guilty party is a man.

Visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/ to find out more. You may be surprised how a seemingly rational woman can cause so much harm. You may be surprised to find out you could be her target.

Dads Under Surveillance, Bring it on

June 25, 2008

From Australia, http://www.news.com.au reports that “Child support spies to watch parents.” This 6/23/08 report threatens that private investigators will be paid for by your friendly child support enforcement agency to watch you at work.

It seems that the Australian CSA is trying to cash in on a perceived $1 billion owed to them by non-custodial parents. Prominent figures in the Australian political establishment are harping about the fabricated figures and the alleged arrearages. “Human Services Minister Joe Ludwig said a small proportion of parents was not doing the right thing. …”The size of the debt is growing, it’s growing significantly,” Senator Ludwig said.”

To it’s credit, a small objecting voice was suggested by family law specialist Professor Patrick Parkinson from the University of Sydney. Regarding the measures designed to entrap any non-custodial parent making any more than $18,252, no one could say whether these measures would benefit or make worse off the custodial parents and the children under their care because of the changes due to take effect on July 1, 2008.

I say, “Bring it on.” If they want to surveill, let them voyeuristically pass their time watching the caring and loving sacrifices fathers make for their children. Then, let them report the truth of their findings.

Pregnant Teen Pact Excludes Fathers

June 25, 2008

Years ago my ex-wife told me of an agreement she had with several of her friends. If they didn’t meet “Mr. Perfect” by such and such a date and time, they would have children without the knowledge of the men who had conceived them.

She detailed this account through a carefully planned series of events such as meeting the guy, taking him home for a purpose-driven, one-night stand and then never calling him back.

So, when I heard the story of 17 girls in a Massachusetts school who had plotted together to get pregnant and to raise their children without the help of the men (or boys) who had conceived them, the story rings of truth. Today (6/24/08, “Pregnant Mass. teen says there was no pact,” AP), this story is all over the networks like a storm.

Time.com reports (6/18/08.) “Pregnancy Boom at Gloucester High.” “..some girls seemed more upset when they weren’t pregnant than when they were,” Sullivan says. All it took was a few simple questions before nearly half the expecting students, none older than 16, confessed to making a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. Then the story got worse.”

Young women know they probably won’t find a guy as bright as themselves and they’ve been told that they will be victims of domestic violence if they stay in a relationship with a man. Why get married in the first place? If a young woman has a child, she can avoid the divorce lawyers and go directly to Family Court for 22 years of child support.

The story, true or not in this instance, demonstrates the pervasiveness of “father uselessness” in our popular culture. The image is as embedded in our social consciousness as slavery was before the Civil War. From Dairy Queen commercials to the legislative halls of our U.S. Congress, it is the “fad” to be disaffected by a father involved in a child’s life.

As a society, we need to understand that a child without a father is a child without half of their personality and without half of their heritage. Children who are denied their fathers are at greater risk for drugs, crime, depression, and suicide. Whether or not this is the society we wanted, it is the one that has been created for us by divorce lawyers and radical feminists.

To find out more about how to push back against these anti-family forces in our lives, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Children’s Programs Often Ignore Fathers

June 25, 2008

A Hawaii program called “Project Focus,” sponsored by the Women’s Community Correctional Center and others, puts cameras in the hands of children who then go to see their mothers in jail or halfway houses around the State. I think it’s a great idea that children are reunited, if only briefly, with their biological parents in a setting that promotes emotional healing for the child.

The problem with this Honolulu Star Bulletin article of 6/24/08 is that the children’s fathers are not included or even recognized as part of these children’s lives. These women are not being portrayed as “hero” mothers. Often, their transgressions are responsible for ruining the lives of many people beyond their immediate family. Drug abuse, check forgery, hard crimes, and many more peccadillos that are glossed over for this report.

At the same time, fathers who have done nothing more than show their kids an alternative parenting style are being treated far worse. With labels like “child-abuser” and “domestic violence perpetrator” a vindictive mother can deny visitation between father and child without any evidence. It happens everyday and far too often for the children who are convicted of a lifetime without their “other” biological parent.

Crotch Shot Highlights Woman’s Domestic Abuse

June 24, 2008

Officer Down! A 24 year-old Hawaii woman sends a police officer to the local hospital with a kick to the groin. The police officer was proceeding with an arrest on an allegation of domestic abuse of a family member.

This isn’t just a woman’s vengeful anger. Many women are being taught how to kick men in the groin under the pretense that they are protecting themselves. Too, often, however, these women use their practiced technique of “self-defense” to engage in controlling and abusive behavior over the people with whom they live.

The Honolulu Star Bulletin dryly recounts this story in their Newswatch of 6/23/08. The truth of these events is even much more frightening. Women abusively use fear in their relationships when they threaten to cut-off a man’s penis “just like Lorena Bobbit,” or threaten to castrate a man by demonstrating the pinching action used on pigs, or warn you not to drop the soap in the shower.

I have been victimized by these tactics on too many occasions. Women who do these things are guilty of domestic violence and they should be held accountable and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

When a friend’s daughter reports a schoolyard incident among nine-year-old girls who say that the boy “deserved it” when a boy was disabled by a kick to the groin, one wonders why this does not make headline news.

Are we so blind to justice that women of any age can get away with extreme domestic violence? I think so. And, I think that needs to change.

Criminals and Dads

June 20, 2008

I often read Glenn Sacks column to find out what is happening to non-custodial fathers around the country and around the world. I find myself frequently commenting on his website, and often am so incensed about topics that I look up the original article and write to the reporter and their editor.

In that spirit, I would like to acknowledge Glenn for his inspiration by repeating some of my  responses in my own blog. The following email was sent to Judith Lucas of the Union County, New Jersey, Star Ledger.

Dear Ms. Lucas,

Regarding your article, “State roundup results in 1600 arrests,” of Tuesday, June 17, 2008. It seems you may have missed correlating some important facts. 1020 of these people were behind on child support. Over 60 percent of the arrests were of fathers trying to make good on child support who were probably working at their jobs or at home with their children when they were arrested.

These people have committed no crime and normally would have constitutional rights that protect against the threat of debtors prison, except when child support is involved.

You further failed to address the absurdity of this invasive government action into innocent people’s lives by noting that in your own county, 42 arrests were made all of whom had to come up with cash or face jail time. A total of $4,413 was collected. Did you realize that is a little more than $100 per person arrested?

How many of these fathers were handcuffed in front of their children? How many will lose their jobs because they were arrested? What kind of justice is it when the government tears apart families like this?

People once succumbed to the fear tactics of McCarthyism and that period in our history is still considered the darkest for human rights and freedom. But, that period pales in comparison to what is happening to non-custodial parents today.

The bias you show in your article is only one necrotic symptom of the disease. When you destroy the family, you destroy democracy. Please reconsider the glowing light in which you have cast this despicable government action.

Thank you.

Husband Jailed Over Allegation

June 20, 2008

A 23 year-old woman reported to Police that her husband had accused her of having an extramarital affair and hit her on the legs with “a pipe.” Police noted minor injuries and they promptly arrested her 25 year-old husband. The pipe was not found.

Such is the gist of a report in the Honolulu Star Bulletin on 6/19/08, Newswatch for Police, Fire, and Courts. The article “Pipe called weapon in attack on wife” does not explain whether the husband admitted the deed.

Certainly, this kind of violence, if it is true, should not be tolerated. But, perhaps the woman should consider herself lucky that the man did not own a gun. As the recent cases of murder-suicide in Hawaii point out, a gun can harm far more people than an alleged pipe in cases of infidelity.

But what if there was no pipe and there was no hitting. Perhaps, the woman was bruised when she was having sex with her coworker. In such a case, the allegation is the weapon that will do more harm to this man’s life than any gun could.

Having been arrested, he is likely to have lost his job. There will be a temporary restraining order granted to the woman. If there are kids involved, they will be removed from this man’s life. There will be no attempt to reconcile a faltering relationship to which both husband and wife committed themselves until death do they part. And, the prosecutors and divorce lawyers will make sure that the man is permanently ejected from his children’s lives while, at the same time, required to pay two-thirds of his calculated income or more in child support. If they send him to jail, he’ll be considered voluntarily unemployed and will still have to pay. The woman will be eligible for free counseling and services provided gratis by the state. The man, if he is lucky, will have a state defender appointed to walk him through the process and to admit his guilt so he can avoid more vigorous prosecution.

At this stage, the Police have not officially identified the wife as the victim, although the police reports will call her that. But, really, who is the victim?

Before you find yourself in this predicament, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/. See how you can avoid making mistakes that will tear apart your marriage, your family, and your life.