Archive for August, 2008

The Silent Fathers of Dead Children

August 29, 2008

The BBC News reported today that child-killer China Arnold has been found guilty for the gruesome death of her one-month-old. The prosecutors said that the child “suffered high-heat internal burns but had no external marks.” And “the baby’s DNA had been found inside the microwave in Arnold’s apartment.” “BBC “Microwave baby killer convicted,” 8/29/2008.

Arnold had confessed to a cellmate that she put her daughter in the microwave “because she was afraid that her boyfriend would leave her if he discovered that he was not the baby’s father.” The jury will decide if she gets the death-sentence.

If I told you I am stunned at the details of the crime I would not be telling you the whole truth. What is more gruesome? The image of a mother putting her child in the microwave; the image of a baby suffering in ways that it could not possibly understand; or the horror both the father and the boyfriend will be subject to for the rest of their lives having known this woman.

In another story, the father of Caylee Marie Anthony, missing since June 9, is a non-entity in news coverage. ABC News reports that bounty hunter, Leonard Padilla’s effort to get Caylee’s mother to talk after springing her from prison have failed. “Mom of Missing Fla. Girl Won’t Return to Jail,” 8/29/2008.

Padilla wanted to convince Casey Anthony to help in the search for her daughter. It seems that was before law enforcement confirmed that “air sample tests taken from Anthony’s trunk allegedly revealed evidence of human decomposition.”

Padilla wanted to get Casey back into jail because of “security concerns.” While the article states that Padilla declined to elaborate on these concerns, I can feel the hair on the back of my neck. There’s a woman walking the streets in Florida who is a danger to herself and others.

I can’t see any good coming out of this arrangement.

To the victims; rest in peace. To the fathers, speak up. Domestic violence is not a male only thing.

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Abusive Women Target Old Men Too

August 27, 2008

Once again, the Hawaiian online collective conscious–equal to about a handful of volcanic dirt–have expressed their opinion about the latest sexual assault conviction. Honolulu Advertiser, “Man, 76, gets 1 year for molesting relative, 5.”

Allegedly, a five-year-old was sexually abused by a 76-year-old family member. The mother of the child–not a direct relative–reported the abuse and will be the benefactor of any monetary settlement. But alas, Judge Town merely ordered 1 year in jail for the “alleged” perpetrator. Predictably, the mother was disappointed by the sentence.

Like a knee-jerk reaction after a patellar concussion, online Hawaiians are after the anemic blood of the septuagenarian. “Any one that sexually assaults a child should be shot.” “This man is sick and should be in jail longer than a year.” “The reason why sick pedophiles continue to commit these horrendous acts is because the punishments ARE NOT SEVERE ENOUGH.” Yes, there is no ALOHA here. There isn’t the least bit of understanding.

Five-year-old children do not initiate sexual abuse cases. Their mother’s do. They do so when the conditions are convenient for them to do so. First, they get rid of the father through false allegations of domestic violence. Second, they move in with Ohana who promise to take care of them and their children. Third, they use the new family to watch the kids while they work or go to bars to meet more abusive men. Then, they target the new family as abusers. This isn’t rocket science. This is Social Services 101.

This mother never intended to get the child’s grand parent–or perhaps, step-grandparent–into trouble. She just wants free access to his bank account and perhaps, dibs on his real estate holdings.

Women like this are hard to track because men like us are too forgiving. Every mother wants the best for their child; even if it means sucking the life out of the people who are closest to them. We are not the suckers, we are the sucked.

Help us understand this issue. Visit my web site at Don’t make the mistakes I have made. Do better in your life.

Meanwhile, the Star Bulletin’s Police, Fire, Courts Staff reported that a man had to be stabbed in the throat for a woman to be arrested for the stabbing incident. “Pair’s quarrel ends with man stabbed,” 8/26/08.

The woman is being held without charges–usually less than 48 hours–at the Kona police cell block. The Juvenile Aid Station is investigating (say what?). Ok. She’s just waiting for her boyfriend to say it was a misunderstanding. Police are simply accommodating her violent and abusive nature.

We do need to grow up.

No Quarter for Men

August 21, 2008

Military men are in a difficult situation when accused of domestic violence. These men are taught how to kill and told to follow orders without asking questions in the heat of battle. Wars are won or lost based upon how well a fighting force follows these principles during battle. The best military men are faithful, loyal and will protect their own.

When you add these traits to a personal relationship, military men are often the best husbands; at least, as long as the wife is faithful. When the wife turns her eyes towards other men (or women), a well-trained fighter wants to protect his family and will use every means at his disposal. When people get hurt, the cocktail of events should be right up there with the temporary insanity defenses of wacked out women like Andrea Yates.

However, when no one gets hurt, except for their feelings, unfaithful wives should not be allowed to pretend that they are victims of domestic violence. In the case of Ernie Gomez, discussed in the Hawaii Advertiser on August 20, 2008, “Convicted felon’s jail time on hold,” a soldier caught himself from doing harm and backed off a potentially deadly encounter. His insanity and temporary indiscretion gave way to a clear understanding for the potential for harm, and full accountability for his actions. Soldiers like this should be awarded for their ability to resolve crisis situations.

It appears that is what the judge had in mind when he chose to release Gomez pending appeal and requested pardon. His appeal was denied based upon the strict demands of well-funded, domestic violence prosecutors who are looking to sacrifice this lamb on the fire of women’s victimhood. The pardon is under consideration at the governor’s office and is the target of a flaming campaign by domestic violence advocates.

Dozen’s of local people responding to the Advertiser article are calling for this man’s blood. A few are defending his character and being skewered with vitriolic responses.

I’m saying the laws that got this man convicted in the first place are broken. They are designed to assume that the woman has no fault and that, even in a moment of crisis, a man should be jailed. The laws conveniently overlook the woman who is violating her marital vows. Current laws give her the motive, the right, and the freedom to destroy a marriage and benefit from the transaction.

The same locals are calling for the burning of the judge who allowed this man to be free while waiting these decisions. The judge chose between sentencing a man to five years of hard time for doing the right thing and not applying the minimum penalty. The judge has been brave in his decision to fight the rabid DV prosecutors and women’s rights groups who want nothing more than this soldier’s head on a plate. A man in a marriage is the new “John.”

Domestic Violence Protection Advocates have a lot of Federal, State and private money funding their war chest against men. Their unwavering cry is that men are bad, women are victims, though science can prove that we all hurt each other sometime.

The violence of women’s advocates can be measured by the lives and the families destroyed. They say they want to protect women by demanding that every woman admit she is abused. Then, they tear apart families, cause divorces, destroy children’s lives, destroy the men who would be fathers, and cost society far more than they benefit the few real victims.

I know. I am their victim, too. And I know many others who have suffered from the powerful domestic-violence protection machine they control. It’s time to speak out against these people who have destroyed our lives. They will not be satisfied until they have the control to threaten yours.

Find out more about the perpetrators of divorce and liars of the court on my web site at

Costly Non-Custodial Mistakes

August 20, 2008

From all the mistakes we make as divorced parents, sometimes we are just our own worst enemies. Tim Walker, from an unknown state, had two children from a previous marriage and was entitled to take one of the children as a dependent on his tax return. He took the wrong child and ended up owing the IRS $1,800 plus interest and penalties.

The problem may have begun from miscommunication as he did not get the authorized “Release of Claim to Exemption (IRS Form 8332)” that he was supposed to send in with his tax return. The divorce may have been so bitter that he decided not to bother his ex with the paperwork, or perhaps (and more likely), his ex refused to sign the required form. In my personal experience, ex-wives like to have this petty and immature kind of power and control over their ex-husbands.

Still, that doesn’t excuse our own ignorance. If the court order states one child goes to the father and one to the mother, no matter who is the custodial parent, we should ask the custodial parent for that form, preferably in writing. When that doesn’t work, we have to settle the matter in State Court, even if it includes getting a contempt charge for willful failure to file the required IRS forms. The IRS will not settle these matters based upon state court orders. They need their form.

Tim may be lucky in that he may still have time to file an amended return with the correct child and the IRS Form 8332 attached. But, if he has to go back to court to force the custodial parent to sign the form, he may not make the filing deadline. That may leave him holding the bag for taxes that he should never have owed.

States need to recognize that dependency provisions are often used to aggravate and intimidate non-custodial parents. The provisions can cost a non-custodial parent a lot of money, often when the non-custodial has no control over the events. Stronger penalties should be levied when the custodial parent is found to be intentionally negligent and they should be made to pay for all costs.

Ultimately, the children lose. They lose the confidence and the support of the non-custodial parent and they lose the trust of the custodial parent. To me, that’s no way to raise a child.

To find out more information, drop me a line or visit my web site at

IRS Respecting Children of Divorce

August 19, 2008

New IRS rules clarify that children are winners under various sections of the tax code. The new rules clarify that a custodial parent need not release a claim to exemption in order for the non-custodial parent to claim certain tax deductions. This change reduces opportunity for conflict in high-conflict divorces. By itself, that is a win for children of divorce. The new rules can apply retroactively to tax years 2005 or later.

Specifically, the IRS has clarified that reimbursed medical expenses or accident and health plan premiums for a child can reduce the non-custodial parent’s gross income. This helps keep the parent’s income–spent in qualified ways–free from taxation as well as to keep that income from pushing the non-custodial parent into a higher tax bracket.

Additionally, fringe benefits, such as services or employee discounts that benefit the child, are allowed to be excluded from the non-custodial parent’s income. Also, distributions from health savings accounts that are used to pay for a child’s medical expenses are excluded from income.

Finally, amounts paid by a non-custodial parent for medical expenses for a child may be included in deductions on Schedule A.

The rule benefits are not limited to non-custodial parents. Any parent who pays expenses for a child may benefit. This includes custodial parents who have released the claim to exemption, non-custodial parents who do not have a right to exemption, and non-custodial parents who have been improperly denied the right to the child dependency exemption.

These rule clarifications should help parents decide that their children come first in divorce. Kudos to Mireille Khoury, the IRS representative who authored these rules. Congratulations for treating children and parents with the respect they deserve.

To find out more, drop me a line or look for IRS Revenue Procedure 2008-48. Or, visit my web site at