Archive for January, 2009

Domestic Violence or a Crime of Passion?

January 19, 2009

More and more, everyday, I dread looking at the local news. The bad news is bad enough; a car accident here, environmental contamination there, floods damaging libraries, state funds being cut from children’s programs. These are enough to give you the heebie-geebies.

For most stories, there is a morbid logic in the numbers. Actuaries predict them with such accuracy that stock-brokers and insurance companies profit. For the rest of us, the news is like the sound of a neighbor’s dog barking when we are away from home.

What scares me more is the intent of the news to report something other than what has happened. It’s the twisting of the truth that has no benefit for anyone involved and only serves to sensationalize political issues for profit.

For example, look closely at the Honolulu Advertiser story, “Memories of Kailua bludgeoning death still vivid,” posted on January 16, 2009.

A 29 year-old woman, Janel Tupuola of Kailua, Hawaii, had five children growing up in three different homes and she became a victim of one of the child’s fathers on January 16, 2008.

The news article does not say how many fathers these children had, but the article does reveal that 1) the killer was the father of one, and 2) none of the fathers are being allowed into the children’s lives right now.

For one child, we understand and share in the pain. He or she has lost both parents. Does anyone dare to ask the question, “How did the other children’s fathers become irrelevant as parents in their children’s lives?”

Tupuola’s oldest is 14. Two are aged 10 and 7. Two are aged 2 and 3. There’s no complicated math here. This young woman has been bouncing around for a long time.

Three of the children are living with nieces and Aunties and the two middle kids–after the killing–chose to “live with a family friend who had been the boys’ sitter and with whom they wanted to stay.”

The killer, 31 year-old Alapeti Tunoa Jr., is scheduled to stand trial in March in Honolulu’s Circuit Court.

No one is going to excuse Tunoa for his part, witnessed by throngs of neighbors who did not intervene, for killing this young woman.

“Neighbors said about 30 people witnessed the beating, but no one there wanted to talk about it this week. One woman said she gets nightmares when she thinks about it and a man wondered what the killer’s family was doing to rectify the situation.”

But, it also looks like no one is going to ask, “What in the heck did this woman do to this man?”

I can’t defend Tunoa even though he says it was an “accident” smashing Tupuola’s car and bashing her head in. But these other fathers need to have a right to say what happens to their children. One man’s sins should not make all men guilty. In this case, it is clear that is what has happened.

“None of the children’s fathers is involved with them now, and Badajos [one of several people by this name mentioned in the story] thinks that might be good. Whether there will be contact later will be up to the children, she said.”

The language is a common refrain from the biased and prejudiced people who believe that all men are perpetrators and all women are victims.

It is rarely ever true that children will decide for themselves that they want to see their fathers. Far too often, these children will be convinced–by hateful and frightening caretakers–that their fathers will hurt them and that they are better off without them.

These children will know one truth for the rest of their lives. Someone who loves you can be taken away.

If you want to teach your children tyranny and injustice, this is the way.

The only way to make these children whole is to let them be with their fathers.

The passion is of a father who wants to be with his child. The crime is to deny it.

To find out more about the ways in which fathers are turned out of children’s lives, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

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The Lessons of Our Mistakes

January 16, 2009

What if it were harder to get divorced? That’s just the question answered by a Reuters article, “Nation cools off on hot-headed, speedy divorce,” published on 1/13/09.

I find it strange that people will spend 25, 50, a hundred thousand dollars or more on a wedding only to have it fall apart within 2, 5, or 7 years. Those are the typical dissolution years.

So why not learn from our mistakes? “The number of divorces in South Korea fell by about a quarter after it ended a system where marriages could end quicker than a movie and at fees cheaper than two cinema tickets.”

The unusual “divorce-on-the-spot” laws created headaches for Monday morning judges as they listened to endless ranting by “hot-headed” couples.

After changing the laws to require couples with children to go through a three-month, mandatory deliberation (aka, cooling-off) period, the courts experienced a 25% decrease in the number of cases being filed from one year to the next.

Couples without children only have to endure their significant other for a month and on-the-spot-divorces are still granted in cases of physical or sexual abuse. Yet even the Korean judges feel that the system could be improved.

Marriage has always been about making a family. Families are–under the right conditions– democratic and the foundation of democracy. Families should be saved.

Hawaii‘s easy access to temporary restraining orders has the adverse effect of increasing domestic violence and separating fathers from their children. The system entices women to make false allegations of domestic violence and only requires a preponderance of evidence which translates into which party can make more allegations against the other. These sham cases are heard over and over in a closed and secretive Family Court that is largely controlled by fear-mongering, angry feminists whose desire is to take away parental rights from the fathers of children.The children lose the most.

Hawaii‘s system needs to be improved.

One way to improve the system is to make it harder for women to get restraining orders, especially when there is no evidence of abuse.

Another way is to make the Hawaii Family Court open to objective observers. If you are a citizen asking the government to intercede in the private life of a family, you should be ready to give up the right to privacy in order to protect the rights of everyone involved.

It may be embarrassing to have your family troubles aired through a public medium, but it is far more abusive when fathers are ripped from the lives of their children based upon false allegations of domestic abuse.

To find out more about families and courts, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Hawaii Fisherman Gets a Proper Eulogy

January 15, 2009

If you are a father and this story doesn’t give you shivers, I don’t know what will. The Hawaii Advertiser reported about the death of a fisherman on January 14, 2009, “Hawaii kayakers say Kona fisherman died saving their lives.”

What is unusual about this story is the resounding high praise. An experienced fisherman, Robert Dean Lewis (57) is out with his wife on his boat “FISH’N”FOOL.” A sudden “white squall” drives visibility near zero yet Lewis spots a man stranded on the rocks and another pair of dunked kayakers struggling to hold onto their boats. These were fit and experienced West Hawaii kayakers.

The rain and wind ripped the awning off their boat. Yet, Lewis turned to help. After helping one kayaker into the boat, the engines cut out and his wife was thrown overboard. Lewis hit his head and his wife “believes that’s the blow that led to his death.”

“In addition to his wife, Lewis is survived by Marshall-Lewis’ sons, Ben and Hugh Marshall Jr.; two grandchildren; his parents, Wesley Lyn and LaVerne Jilek Lewis; sisters, Carolyn Kelly and Linda Keller; brothers, Berry Lewis, Wesley Lewis Jr. and Bradley Lewis; and numerous nephews and nieces.”

This guy was loved. He’s a son, a father, a grandfather, and an uncle. The kayakers were so grateful for his heroism that they joined the family at Kona Community Hospital where he had been pronounced DOA.

Nobody is talking about his failings. No one is saying he couldn’t keep a job or he drank too much. No one is saying he beat his wife or had an anger management problem.

Kudos to the Advertiser for printing a story in which a man is not a perpetrator. Thank you Diana Leone, Advertiser Staff Writer.

To see how easily a man can be made into a perpetrator, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Crime Down, Fear Up in Honolulu

January 14, 2009

Following a recent, and highly biased, series of articles by Rob Perez–the first of which declared a ten-year decline in domestic violence rates in the state–a new Honolulu Advertiser article, “Crime in Honolulu falls 22%” published 1/12/08, at first glance seems to increase hope that things are getting better.

“Overall crime on O’ahu fell 3 percent in 2007 — the fourth straight yearly decline — to the lowest total since the state started tracking the data 33 years ago, according to the FBI.” There’s less need for common people to act like criminals. One would think this is a good thing.

Looking more closely, however, the 16,341 violent and property crimes of 2008 represent an amazing 1.27 percent of our population of 1.285 million according to Hawaii’s 2006 census records. Compared against the FBI’s 2007 figures, the drop in reported violent crimes, from 2007 to 2008, would be less than 4 tenths of a percent.

Is this a meaningful drop in crime? Can Honolulu residents feel comfortable knowing that there is a 4 tenths of a percent drop in the number of people likely to commit crimes? Or are the Honolulu Advertiser staff just messing with us?

The HA lists; murders, assaults, sex assaults, robberies, burglaries, thefts, car thefts and arson from the FBI report. Is there a reason why crimes of Domestic Violence are kept out of the statistics? I guess “Yes.”

Domestic Violence is a politically designed crime that is all inclusive of the crimes already punished under various sections of federal and state law. The crime of “DV” is pushed by a radical group of individuals–feminists, angry women, unethical social workers, special interest psychologists, divorce lawyers, and family court judges–all eager to gorge at the troth of money from private and public agencies.

With the money they get, they raise hackles through fear mongering campaigns. Women are at risk of being married to men. Children are doubly at risk for having a father. Boys are future abusers. Girls are future victims.

Obliviously, the people in charge sit on the laurels of the positive news. “This is a nice trend…. and we certainly want to continue that,” said Honolulu Mayor Mufi Hannemann,” while those with an anti-family agenda continue to exploit families under the umbrella of DV.

No one even questions the secretive actions of the closed Family Court in Hawaii. Anyone who has gone through the Honolulu Family Court can attest to the power it has to break apart families.

I continue to believe that the family is the very institution at the heart of our democracy. The Family Court is the family’s nemesis.

Murder, rape, robbery, assault; I find it strange that divorces and the breakup of families with children are not treated as a crimes. Only violent crimes–where blood is shed–does the FBI report the impact upon society; and, as though explaining it all.

At the same time, temporary restraining orders between divorcing couples explode and divorces increase. Non-custodial parents are being tossed out of their children’s lives at an unprecedented rate in history. What could be a greater crime than teaching a child that a parent’s love is expendable?

The FBI nor Hawaii officials don’t even have a name for the criminals who harm our children; Child Abductors, Family Wreckers, Alienators, Profiteers. The officials remain blind to the most destructive people tearing apart our society. Why?

They are captivated by the fear-mongering; men are bad, women are victims, boys will be bad, and girls are future victims. By the drumbeat of repetition, the faction promoting fear has protected itself from questioning by the very fear that it purports is real. And the statistics do not bear them out.

To find out more about democracy and the family, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/. Click on Family Education and read up on FETCH.

Violence of the Domestic Kind is Perceived Everywhere

January 8, 2009

Hawaii is never short on news of domestic violence of one sort or another. With a population of nearly 1.3 million people, there are some mainland towns with more people. It’s no wonder that when someone in Hawaii, or someone with a connection to Hawaii, commits a crime the presses roll.

Woman Drowns Child, Father Indicted

A young woman (16) from the State of Washington is said to have drowned her newborn baby. On January 7, 2009, the Honolulu Advertiser relayed an AP report, “Wash. teen charged with drowning newborn in toilet,” that she held the child’s face underwater until it stopped breathing. Then she threw the body in the trash.

Authorities didn’t find the body until after looking through 60 tons of trash. They still have to DNA test to make sure that the child was hers.

In a strange twist, the AP story notes that the young woman’s father was indicted on weapons and drug possession charges AND, by the way, concealing a birth. Anybody I know would have bragged about being a grandpa at 41.

Looks like the prosecution is setting up the Dad to take the fall for his little girl. Prosecutors will call it something ridiculous, like a domestic violence induced murder. The girl will get off with a few years and the Dad will be spending his retirement years in the can.

The police have her affidavit admitting to the crime. How are they going to determine the motive? If the girl claims she killed the child because the father made her do it, how do we know that she did not kill the child in an act of revenge against the father? Family conflicts should not result in the death of an innocent newborn.

Woman stabs man, Man dies

On the Islands, Maui resident John Shaniyo, 33, must have figured out he picked the wrong girlfriend after she punched a hole in his gut with a kitchen knife, sliced an artery and then hightailed it out of the neighborhood.

The HA article “Maui man died from single stab wound” shows a little credit to our justice system by posting bail in the amount of $500,000 for Rachel Berta. Maui is not a very big island, but I’m sure there are a lot of people who would immediately assume that Shaniyo must have done something really bad to this woman.

Berta will likely plead self defense against an abusive boyfriend. That should get her acquitted. I mean, he’s dead, so he can’t defend himself. And when they did track her down, she was in a church. Doesn’t that mean she was doing confession or something?

Conflict is a natural part of relationships. It’s how you handle the conflict that makes the difference between mutual respect and mutual abuse. She didn’t have to pick up that knife.

Cats may be on your road, too.

Finally, a 26 year old Kauai man was release from custody after swerving, killing a cat in the road, and dumping the body in a trash can. In Oahu, you can’t get pigeon owners to clean up after their dead bird’s bodies rotting on our streets.

HA runs the story, “Kauai man charged with animal cruelty after cat run over,” on January 7, 2009. I’m sorry. Did somebody actually own this cat? Feral cats are a devastatingly invasive species in Hawaii. The chickens on Kauai are smart enough to get out of the way when a car is bearing down on them. Cats, apparently, are not so smart.

The police report was made by a witness. After they put him in jail, they went back to his house to recover the body from his own trash can. The necropsy showed that “the injuries sustained by the cat were consistent with being run over by a car.” Good work guys!

Did he swerve to hit the cat on a residential street that likely had a lot of potholes and cars parked on the sides? Or did he swerve to avoid the potholes and cars on the residential street where a cat just happened to be? Looks like it’s a question for the jury to answer.

Here’s my prediction. The Father gets 5 to 10 and the daughter spends a year in a psychiatric ward. Rachel gets probation for a year and joins a domestic violence survivors group. Cat-man gets probation for a year and a huge fine, maybe some community service.

It’s already a cruel world. We need to learn how to be nice to each other.

Find out about more crazy people on my web site http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Domestic Violence by GI’s

January 3, 2009

The New York Times, on January 2, 2009, published a sympathetic article on returning military men gone violent. The article, “A Focus on Violence by Returning G.I.’s,” is sure to inflame feminists and domestic violence victim’s advocates.

Is the NYT coddling killers and domestic violence perpetrators? No. They are reporting on an Army program that is trying to find out why mentally stable young men come back from combat all messed up.

The analytics in the Army program are dry statistical measurements of the psychological well being of soldiers before and after one, two, or more tours of duty. The mind-crushing Iraq war has provided them with more data on this subject than has ever been available in the history of man.

The sensational cases are profiled, such as John Needham, a 200 pound soldier who killed his 98 pound girlfriend in a fit of domestic violence rage. According to Needham’s father, something was deeply wrong. The crime is inexcusable.

But neither the Times nor the Army makes excuses. Instead, they are looking for data. Where did the Army fail Needham? How many more soldiers are out there like Needham? Can they predict when a soldier will fail based on the psychological profiles?

The Army’s studies of domestic violence and violent crimes before and after deployment should not be targeted as reasons that all military men are violent. That fallacious argument depends on a military soldier’s training to unquestioningly follow orders and kill the enemy.

The argument is misandrist and bogus because most soldiers do not succumb to violent crimes or domestic violence upon return from duty.

Incidence rates increase after deployment. The Army knows this and, with several high-ranking Generals who have lost son’s to suicide and jail for violent crimes, is very interested in finding out why.

The New York Times article is fair in that it does not desensitize the reader to the gravity of the problem. And, it tries to examine the methodology the Army is using. It is too early to tell, but perhaps, the Army’s methodology can somehow be used in the general population.

The Times article is in stark contrast to the bigoted articles in the Hawaii Advertiser masquerading as domestic violence awareness. While the NYT draws the ire of the fringe, the HA’s Rob Perez pushes the buttons of hatred in the general public. See my article of December 19, 2008, “The Gospel of Perez.”

Perez’s irresponsible journalism leads many readers to comment with vitriol against men, boys, sons, and fathers. The vitriol does not help the general public to understand domestic violence. Instead, he helps escalate the very thing that he wants people to be aware of.

Domestic violence can be reduced. We all want that.

But both men and women must learn to treat each other with respect. Families need help to stay together because inside families who understand basic principles of respect and democracy, far less domestic violence occurs.

Legislators and Judges need to understand that the family is the foundation of democracy. Our country, that we live in and we love, needs to free itself of the grasp of the animals in the DV Industry who are perpetuating domestic violence.

To find out more about domestic violence and the DV Industry, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Victim’s Advocates Don’t Want to Decrease Domestic Violence

January 2, 2009

If a center, promoted by the National Family Justice Center Alliance in San Diego, can help reduce the number of false allegations of domestic violence, then we may have an idea that needs to be pursued.

The Hawaii Advertiser on 12/31/08, “Family justice centers suggested to help Hawaii abuse victims,” reports “The centers bring representatives of key law enforcement, legal and social services agencies under one roof to assist victims of domestic violence…”

But Rob Perez, the Hawaii Advertiser reporter and author of this article on a federally recommended “best practice,” loads up his article with references to only women being abused and only men doing the abusing.

That’s not how it works in real life.

Men are more likely to put up with emotional and physical abuse in a relationship, so, the great bulk of domestic violence does not get reported.

Mr. Perez’s reporting style is irresponsible and begets far too much anti-male commentary.

  • [R]egister all abusers, so that women can check whether a man has a past of abusing women.
  • I have witnessed way to many cases of abusers walking free and returning to hurt their victim.
  • Are you afraid your wife will have somewhere to go now?
  • Note to Men: you need to be and example and step up and start treating the women around you with love and respect.

Every relationship has conflicts. Dealing with those conflicts is a matter of men, women, and children treating each other with respect. A little forgiveness goes a long way, too. We are human and we all do nutty things to each other.

Currently, women in Hawaii have only one main center to turn to in times of need. The Domestic Violence Action Center (DVAC), a women victim’s only organization that could lose funding under this proposal. Needless to say, they don’t like the idea.

“It seems ideal to have everything in one place,” said Nanci Kreidman, chief executive officer for the Domestic Violence Action Center. But diverting resources to a center could be disruptive and raises many logistical questions at a time when agencies are struggling to meet increased demand for services on shoestring budgets, she said.”

It is clear that Nancy is not interested in a federally recommended “best practice” with a proven track record to reduce domestic violence.

In general, here in Hawaii, victim advocates are trained to lead the “victim” into making false statements. It may be a couple’s habit to swear at each other. The victim advocate will only ask whether the man swore at the woman. This becomes the basis for a false allegation.

When women make false allegations against men, they increase the likelihood of escalating the domestic violence.

If you put a victim’s advocate next to a police officer, the victim will be more likely to tell the truth about the conflict occurring in her home. When investigating the man for his side of the story, the truth will always be easier to resolve.

Since many of these women have children and husbands who work hard to make ends meet, the men are vulnerable when a woman goes into DVAC.

In contrast, a center like the one recommended would be able to identify a vengeful woman and help her get appropriate counseling services to curb her own violent tendencies. That should cut down tremendously on DV occurring in this state.

With the funding and resources in one better controlled environment, there would be better oversight and better statistics on the real incidence of domestic violence in Hawaii.

Let us not forget the most vulnerable. Children in homes with single mothers experience the highest incidence of domestic violence. If this agency can help keep families together, we can reduce, even further, the rate of domestic violence in Hawaii.

And Mr. Perez irresponsibly forgets to include at least one detail from his biased series on domestic violence. The rate of domestic violence in Hawaii is down on a ten-year scale.

The Advertiser needs to dump Mr. Perez. He is not a friend to Hawaii’s victims of domestic violence. He is perpetuating and inflaming an anti-male bigotry.

Thankful to Report

January 2, 2009

I am thankful to report that my ex’es fifth attempt at a TRO was dissolved in court on December 31, 2008.

Some comments:
* I don’t hate my ex-wife.
* I do not stare at people.
* I don’t plant trojans on people’s computers.
* Googling someone is not stalking.
* The intent of this web site is to tell my story and help other father’s who have been falsely accused.
* My hope is that, someday, my kids and I will be reunited.

It is that simple.

Visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/. Click on The Years and 2008 to get the latest update.