Archive for February, 2009

Allegations of Domestic Violence

February 27, 2009

Will I publish today? YES!

Because I’ve been served another outlandish document from the lawyers of malevolence.

In a hedge on a bet to assert complete power and control over her children’s father, my ex will use and abuse every resource.

I will follow up with details soon.

Thanks for your support!

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Domestic Violence is a Good Excuse to Bash Your Mother-in-Law

February 26, 2009

As a parent, I prefer to write about the challenges and joys of parenting. I have a wonderful girlfriend with two children. Being in their lives for the past five years has allowed me to experience the parenting that I miss with my own two kids.

I write about parenting because I am passionate about being a parent. So, when I get attacked for being a parent, I’m not going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs. I respond to my attackers in writing.

Finding out about who is attacking me is difficult. But, my ex-wife is an extremely angry person. When someone who I have not met before has a negative impression of me, it’s a sure bet that they have been in contact with her. And there are loads of Internet hits on a Google search.

Pretending to be a “domestic violence victim” and a “domestic violence victim’s advocate” is her ticket to abusing me in public. She has been quoted in Honolulu’s MidWeek, in the Honolulu Advertiser, on KHON2 News, in professional journals, and much more saying untrue things about me.

Her latest attacks are more vehement than ever before. And this time, she has brought my mother into her tirade of hate.

Christine Quemuel is the director of the University of Hawai’i Mānoa Women’s Center. On my daughter’s birthday, she interviewed my ex and posted a video on the UH Today web site; http://www.soc.hawaii.edu/uhtoday/fall2008/KimYama/DV.html.

In this interview, my ex describes a conversation she had with my mother. “My ex-mother-in-law had said something to me before we got married. She said, ‘I don’t think you’re so much in love with my son as you are with the idea of getting married.”

The comment is one of many–following in rapid succession–that blame me and my Mom for her experience during our marriage. Listening to her false allegations in this interview, it is my impression that my ex is not only continuing to paint me as a perpetrator of domestic violence but she is also trying to blame my mother for telling her a simple truth that could have prevented the last ten years of heartbreak.

My mom put up my ex in her home for 6 months while my ex finished her Masters Degree in Marriage and Family Counseling after we were married. This is the most likely point in time in which the conversation took place.

I have to give my mom credit. She never disclosed this conversation to me. My mom trusted my judgment. But she got this very important point correct and she trusted my ex to do something about it.

Instead of facing the truth, my ex is using her experiences to paint a picture of what did not happen. I find it frustrating when she badmouths me in the courtroom, in newspaper articles, on the TV News and in seminars around the country. But I have to admit, I get angry when she does it to my mother.

This is abuse. It is domestic violence. After ten years most people have gone past their troubled marriages and are helping their children. My ex is not. My ex is escalating the antagonism so that when I write articles like this, she can claim that she is being stalked.

I believe Ms. Quemuel has the best interest of everyone involved at the UH Womens Center. But, even an experienced DV counselor can get hoodwinked by a sly operators like my ex.

My girlfriend’s kids talk to their Dad twice a week and visit with him in another state about eight weeks out of the year. They love their Dad. I encourage that. My girlfriend encourages that.

Being a parent is tough, but rewarding. Why am I denied being a parent to my own kids?

To find out more about how angry and vindictive ex-spouses can destroy your family visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Hawaii’s HB 615 & 620 may be Unconstitutional

February 25, 2009

The Internet helps me to keep informed about the disparaging articles and commentary by my ex-wife that make me appear to be an abuser. It’s too bad that she cannot spend more of her time being a parent to our children. Visit my web site to keep informed. Thanks for your support. http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Hawaii Stalking Measure Continues Abuse

February 24, 2009

To the Honolulu Advertiser Staff Writer, Peter Boylan:

Dear Mr. Boylan,

It would be of help if you investigated the sources of your story, “Measures update law on stalking” February 9, 2009.

http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2009/Feb/09/ln/hawaii902090354.html

Dara Carlin is my ex-wife. Guy Yatsushiro is her current husband and an enabler. You have quoted them as if they have two different stories. But, you have succeeded in allowing them to assault me.

I scan the internet on occasion to protect myself from my ex-wife’s false allegations of abuse. I have not been allowed to see my children in over 2.5 years because of her aggressive and immoral legal tactics.

My web site is a father’s help web site. See for yourself (link below).

Dara was attempting, in her request for TRO, 1) to shut down my web site, 2) to prevent me from attending open meetings in the Hawaii Senate and 3) to stop me from sending out end of year holiday greeting cards.

I will be happy to provide you with my opposition to Dara’s TRO filing. It will easily show you how angry an abuser can get. By promoting this anti-constitutional legislation, she seeks an unlimited power to control.

Dara is doing all of this to prevent me from seeing my children. Your article only gives her more power to continue to hurt our children.

Please be mindful of this in your next article in which you may think to quote Dara. In fact, I will be happy to add to the depth and breadth of your story. Should you choose to write about domestic violence please contact me.

It would also be helpful to all Hawaiians if you put the bill numbers in your story (HB615 & HB622).

I just hope that, one day, I will be able to see my kids again.

Thanks,

Larry Holbrook

Kaimuki, HI

http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Special Time: Rx for Families

February 19, 2009

Do you remember what your Dad or your Mom was like when you were a child?

In a February 5, 2009, New York Times article, Nicholas Bakalar writes about excessive TV viewing, “Behavior: TV Time Linked to Depression in Future.” It seems that adolescents who spend nine hours a day watching the tube were far more likely to exhibit signs of depression in early adulthood.

The authors from the University of Pittsburgh controlled for age, race, socioeconomic status and educational level and found that the tendency towards depression was higher in boys than in girls.

‘“We really don’t know what it was specifically about TV exposure that was associated with depression, whether it was a particular kind of programming or some contextual factor such as watching alone or with other people,” said Dr. Brian Primack, the lead author.’

American families have lost touch with the “contextual factors” of family life. If a child is spending nine hours–or even a single hour–each day behind a TV, both the parents and the child are losing out on the kinds of personal interaction that can make or break family life. In a TV world, we shouldn’t forget our children.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let your child watch TV. But we should all be able to balance TV with activities that make family life work. As parents, we are responsible for teaching our children love, respect, and discipline (self-discipline).

It has often been said that the family is the engine of democracy. Raising a healthy family is the key to the endurance of a democratic society.

Dr. Jim Deutch, of the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (FETCH) at the University of Hawaii Manoa Campus, has an excellent idea that he has been telling families for the past 40 years.

Spend time with your children.

But Dr. Jim, as we affectionately call him, says that in order to make this time count it has to be special. So, the first thing to do is to call it “Special Time.”

In today’s hectic world, Dr. Jim says that Special Time should be 10 minutes; no more, no less, and timed with a regular old kitchen timer. It should be at the same time everyday. If Dad comes home at 5:00pm, make Special Time at 5:10pm. If Mom picks up the kids at school at 3:00pm, make Special Time at 3:10pm.

Make a promise to your child to give them Special Time each day and they will hold you to it. They will beg you for it and they will miss it when you are away on a business trip. Dr. Jim calls it the oil that makes the engine hum along and last for ages. Dr. Jim believes that Special Time can solidify your relationship with your child for a lifetime.

How do you think your child will remember you when they are grown up and on their own? Special Time can anchor a child’s psyche to everything that is of value in our lifetime; their relationship with you-their parents.

I don’t know how a bunch of University Professors in Pittsburgh could have missed the contextual factors that could have made their study results much more meaningful. But Dr. Jim knows that the context doesn’t happen naturally in families today. We have to make it happen.

Don’t be afraid to call it “Special Time.” It may sound like a silly name, but your children will know exactly what it means and they will value it for the rest of their lives.

To find out more about FETCH and families, visit http://www.efetch.org or attend their classes at the University of Hawaii, Manoa Campus. Call Melanie at 808-956-2248.

Abuser Retains Domestic Violence Victim’s Advocates

February 18, 2009

In her latest legal move against her ex-husband, Dara Carlin carried through with a threat to have two Washington, DC Attorneys added to her legal team. (State of Hawaii, Intermediate Court of Appeals, Case No. 28563.) This is an excellent opportunity to cover some not-so-familiar legal jargon that may be used against non-custodial parents.

Attorneys are, in general, permitted to practice in any U.S. State in which they pass an examination called a Bar Exam. They cannot practice law in states other than those in which they have passed their exams; with one exception.

“Pro-Hac Vice” is a term used in the legal community for an out-of-state attorney to practice law in a state in which they have not passed the bar exam. A Pro-Hac Vice lawyer has to be approved by a judge and the attorney, in general, has to pay the bar fees in the state in which they are not permitted to practice law.

The attorneys in this case are Elizabeth S. Liu, Esq. and Michele Jordan Woods, Esq. They are licensed to practice in Washington, D.C. It is not a state but they have their own bar exam. From my experience working two years in WDC with all kinds of attorney types, I have learned that it is the easiest place to pass the bar exam.

The attorneys also practice law under a U.S. Federal Grant to the Domestic Violence Legal Empowerment and Appeals Project (DV LEAP, dvleap.org), an IRS defined public charity under Section 501(3)(c) of the Internal Revenue Code.

· The mission of DV LEAP is to provide recourse to appeal for victims of domestic violence who were denied justice at trial, and to ensure that victims’ interests are considered in other appellate cases which may affect them.

· DV LEAP also claims that it fills the vacuum in existing legal advocacy for battered women and children. The organization does not advocate for battered men or male, non-custodial parents who have lost visitation rights with their children through false allegations of domestic violence.

· In the Fall 2004 George Washington Law School “law briefs,” DV LEAP states that they provide their legal advocacy pro-bono (for free) to battered women and children to appeal unjust trial court decisions to a higher court.

· Further, their mission is described at “http://www.idealist.org/en/org/129292-115,” to assist victims of domestic violence who are not able to appeal for lack of “sophisticated and systematic representation.”

Notwithstanding the fact that the DV Leap lawyers cannot fabricate evidence based on false allegations of domestic violence, Ms. Carlin has prevailed in over eight years of Hawaii Family Court proceedings. There have been no unjust trial court decisions for her; only for her children and their Father.

In addition, Ms. Carlin’s lawyer, Lynne McGivern, esq., has provided Ms. Carlin with sophisticated, systematic, and extremely prejudiced representation since at least 2003. Her ex-husband has been Pro-Se (self-represented) for nearly all this time.

Under Ms. McGivern’s and other DV advocate’s guidance, Ms. Carlin has received “justice” at trial that is punitive to the children and her ex-husband. She has permanently terminated visitation between her ex-husband and their children.

DV LEAP has accepted this case in violation of the organization’s tax-exempt purpose thus threatening this non-profit entity’s tax exempt status.

Truly, DV LEAP’s mission is to protect the abused, yet, in this case, DV LEAP is beefing up the legal counsel for an abuser.

The ex-husband had opposed the admittance of these Pro-Hac Vice lawyers within the prescribed time, however, the Hawaii Family Court had unilaterally made its decision to allow these lawyers on this case without notifying the ex-husband and before he could file his opposition.

Clearly, this was a gross abuse of the power of the Hawaii Family Court system.

It is one more example of how womens advocates are not at all concerned with the best interests of the child.

Removing a Father from his children and obstructing visitation between the children and their non-custodial parent is domestic violence.

These actions permanently scar the children with the knowledge that a loved one can be removed from their lives. These children may never be able to establish a normal, loving and caring relationship with a member of the opposite sex. They may never be able to have a family of their own.

While Ms. Carlin claims that she is a survivor of domestic violence, she has never produced any proof. Yet, by retaining these Pro-Hac Vice lawyers, she gives us insight into her real goal to have ultimate power and control over her ex-husband.

This is a habit of the abuser.

I only hope that Ms. Carlin gets a flash of wisdom that she is doing far more damage to her children in her false allegations and her refusal–at all costs–to allow and even require visitation between the children and their Father.

To find out more about this case and about how easily this can happen to you, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

The After-Valentine’s Day Gift

February 16, 2009

Several times this Valentine’s Day weekend, my girlfriend and I considered a forgone conclusion in our relationship. “I cut myself washing that chipped Pyrex dish.” “Oh, that. I knew it was chipped,” she responded.

“Is this one of the ways women exert power over men?” I asked.

“I always defer to you,” she said. And I, conceding, “Yes,” qualified, “if I express an opinion. But most times we do what we want to because both of us want it.”

Remorsefully she continued, “My friend’s mother was head-strong, so she found a husband and moved to the mainland. Her father passed away a week ago, two months after her mother made him move.”

Defiantly she said, “Bill would never have gotten where he did without Hillary.”

“I enjoy your company,” I said. “We’ve made a weekend of your honey-do list and you, I and the kids have had a wonderful time. So, who rules the world? Men or Women?”

Well… It’s not exactly how the conversation went. But, on Valentine’s Day, we both reflected not only upon how much we mean to each other but on how much men and women mean to each other.

Her marriage failed because things got out of control. Yet, her kids get to see and talk to their Dad regularly. Litigation to see my kids has gone on for over eight years. We carry these scars and bear our burdens, but we are good to each other.

We are a practical couple. We benefit from the comfort of our relationship knowing, full-well, that it never would have happened if our previous relationships had not failed.  It’s not about control. It’s about what is good for our kids.

Behind every good man is a great woman. A facially sexist statement, but I don’t disagree. She knows I am loyal to her and her alone. And it makes her feel good because she believes I am a good man.

So, we held each other tight. And, that is exactly how our weekend ended.

Cyber Harassment Law Would Outlaw Google Searches

February 14, 2009

After losing her fifth attempt at a Temporary Restraining Order against her ex-husband, Dara Carlin has taken her losses to the legislature supporting two bills (HB 615 & 622) that would include all forms of digital communication in the definition of harassment and stalking.

State Representative Jon Riki Karamatsu doesn’t realize what Carlin’s motives are. “What we’re trying to do is make sure current law is keeping up with technology.” said Karamatsu in the KOHN2 article, “Lawmakers take aim at cyber harassment,” posted on February 3, 2009.

The law would make it a crime to Google a person’s name on the internet. While Carlin spreads falsehoods about her ex-husband in the media and falsely claims she is a victim of domestic violence, her ex-husband and their children’s father would be found guilty of harassment for trying to counter the false allegations.

There are basic first amendment rights at issue. These bills, if passed into law, would seriously infringe on free speech.

“I guess the advent of the internet and all these technologies that are wonderful that we have, can be used for the dark side,” said Dara Carlin. Carlin sees things in black and white, good and evil. Good is anything she wants to do. Evil is anything her ex-husband wants to do; like see his children again.

Abusers have to have power and control. Carlin is seeking the ultimate in power and control.

Carlin’s ex-husband has not seen or heard from his kids in over 2.5 years. Even though he sends them “Thinking of You” cards every month, there has not been one return card or phone call since Carlin had his visitation terminated over false allegations of domestic violence.

Carlin, in court papers, consistently points to her ex-husband’s violent nature, but every single one of her allegations of family violence has never been proven (Hawaii Intermediate Court of Appeals, Case No. 28563). It is the nature of the Family Court, here in Hawaii and most everywhere in the U.S., to err on the side of caution. When you have one party claiming extreme emotional abuse and the other party saying, “I just want to see my kids,” the court blindly compromises by refusing visitation.

Yet, what Carlin is doing could easily be classified as domestic violence if not domestic terrorism. In her latest attempt at TRO, 1) she tried to have her ex-husband’s, fathers-help web site shut down; 2) she tried to prevent her ex-husband from attending open meetings in the Hawaii Senate Office Building; and 3) she tried to prevent her ex-husband from sending out end-of-year, holiday greeting cards.

Part of Carlin’s harassment argument was that she received 8 emails in the Fall of 2008 telling her about the Family Education Center of Hawaii (efetch.org) and their ongoing classes that have helped hundreds of families in Hawaii.

All this, after abducting her children in 2000 and years of false allegations.

Why Carlin hates her ex-husband with so much passion is a mystery. There are psychopathologies that would explain her behavior, but I am not qualified to opine on such things.

Whatever her motives, Carlin’s goal is clear: to keep her children permanently removed from the life of their father.

To learn more about this case and about fathers who are ejected from their children’s lives in divorce, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Glenn Sacks Joins Father’s and Families

February 14, 2009

It’s not often that one hears good news about fathers in the media. We are too often portrayed as dolts, perpetrators, deadbeats, and other negative stereotypes. But Sacks Media group has brought good news for fathers.

Glenn announced on February 11th, that he has joined Ned Holstein of Maryland based, Father’s and Families to focus on the family court reform movement.

Father’s and Families has been working tirelessly to improve the lives of fathers and children separated by divorce.

Glenn has, by far, the largest web based newsletter of any father’s rights organization. From personal experience reading his column for the last five years, I attribute this to his consistent and thorough coverage of father’s issues appearing in newspapers and TV. Glenn brings us facts about fathers in an honest way.

We love our kids, but we get shut out. We’re angry, but we want to do the right thing. We want to help our kids grow up to have normal lives. We know that hurting our ex-spouse is hurting our children. We don’t want to play the harmful games of the fringe, yet powerful feminist groups inciting fear among the general public against men.

Getting the court to recognize the importance of fathers in family life is one of the most critical issues threatening the future of democracy itself. Only when the family is whole can democracy thrive.

Domestic violence threatens family integrity, but worse, the fear mongers of domestic violence use it like a tool to pry families apart. These naysayers have, for too long, held the court ransom over sensational news stories that make every man appear to be an abuser and perpetrator.

They advocate letting the state into family life against Constitutional principles for every man, woman and child to enjoy happiness and liberty. These radicals found a toehold in everyone’s imagination of their worst fears, family domestic violence and have created a well-funded industry of judges, lawyers, psychologists, and social workers.

Families going through divorce are subjected to the most base and immoral of legal and psychological attacks from a coordinated network of people who profit from fathers and who care little about the well being of our children.

Fathers and Families has a long, hard road ahead fighting for fairness and common sense.

I wish Glenn and Ned much success in their new found merger.

For more information go to:

http://www.glennsacks.com

http://www.fathersandfamilies.org/  and visit my web site at

http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Love doesn’t hurt. Violence does.

February 13, 2009

Charles Blow of the NY Times would have us believe that females are the victims of domestic violence. His article, “Love Shouldn’t Hurt” posted 2/12/09 talks about a teen pop star named Chris Brown.

Blow’s lead in to the story is that Brown was arrested for making criminal threats. He ends the story with a dubious and non-relevant statistic that females are victims of 22 percent of intimate partner homicides.

Brown was a successful singer and dancer whose image was being promoted by Disney and Sesame Street. Now, he’s just another black man with money. Just what the girls want.

After accusing and condemning Brown, Blow pulls out the 2007 CDC report on Youth Risk Behavior. Nearly 10% of all 9th to 12th graders report being hit, slapped or physically hurt. The first chart fails to separate boys from girls. To his credit, Blow shows another chart from the study that girls are making victims out of boys in unprecedented numbers.

“Inexperience in communicating and relating to a romantic partner may lead to the use of poor coping strategies, including verbal and physical aggression.” But Blow pushes the female victim fantasy by quoting a decidedly oppositional ABA fact sheet on domestic violence. “Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick, Boys injure girls more severely and frequently.”

The ABA statement about girls is true. The statement about boys; well, it doesn’t fit the results of the CDC study.

Again, to his credit, Blow acknowledges that men and women (boys and girls) perceive domestic violence differently.  “Researchers have found that female youth suffer more from relationship violence, emotionally and physically. They are much more likely than males to have serious injuries and to report being terrified. In contrast, male victims seldom seem to fear violence by their dates or girlfriends, often saying that the attacks did not hurt and that they found the violence amusing.”

Emphasis added. Brown’s “violent altercation” with Rihanna may be nothing more than a girl gone tired of her man. None of us should let bruises and scratches fool us into believing who is the perpetrator, who is the escalator, and who is responsible for domestic violence.  If she started it, she should pay for it.

Domestic violence does not start from the family that you make. It starts from the family you came from. What was acceptable to us as children is not acceptable to us for our children. Blow sort of gets the right conclusion before he muddies it up, “Whatever the cause, we have to do a better job of teaching children how to develop healthy relationships in which both parties feel honored, respected and most of all safe.”

Blow simply follows the tendency of our society to bury the vices of a woman and elevate the faults of a man. This is bad policy and will never help us understand, much less heal the hurts of, domestic violence.

To find out more about domestic violence in intimate partner relationships, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/. If it hasn’t hit you at home yet, chances are it will.