Archive for March, 2009

Parents Caught By Surprise

March 27, 2009

Parent’s often get caught off-guard by their children’s actions. You finally think you have this infant thing figured out, then they’re sitting up and smiling. You think you have the one’zees figured out, then they turn into the terrible twos. The process is enlightening for some; frustrating for others.

What’s the difference? Some parents expect their kids to change. They give them the opportunity to accept responsibility as early as they are capable. If a 3-year-old can tilt a half-gallon of milk on the edge of the table and pour her own glass, I’m not going to stand in her way.

If a 7-year-old can’t balance himself on a bicycle without training wheels, I’ll keep encouraging him till he can. In the meantime, I’ll patch his scrapes with hydrogen-peroxide, Neosporin, and a band-aid.

Still they catch you off-guard. We just cleaned up your room this morning. Didn’t we just talk about not hitting your brother at family meeting? You “hate” your sister? That’s pretty strong language. Are you sure you’re not just annoyed?

Dr. Jim with the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (FETCH, University of Hawaii, Manoa Campus) deals with these situations all the time. In his latest email, he says Stacy emailed about her 4-year-old cutting her own hair while she was at work and the husband was home watching the kids. The extended family is getting in on the criticism and sympathy at the same time as the twin is watching the drama unfold.

Dr. Jim recounts his own personal experience, because contrary to popular belief, most parents have this experience, “When my wife discovered what Frances had done, she merely said, “Oh, that’s too bad,” and never said a word thereafter. My wife gave me a heads up and when I came home from work I said nothing.

The daughter never did it again.

In Stacy’s circumstance, the damage is done. The child has gotten so much attention, she’ll be cutting her hair every week to try to get a rise. Dr. Jim serenely says, “Say nothing more about the incident.” If the child talks about it “listen liberally and speak sparingly.”

“Next, at a quiet and neutral time when you and [your twin child] are comfortably alone, I want you to one time and one time only say to her, “I like your hair, just as it is,” while for just a moment loving stroking it.” This is an important part so that the twin-child (or other sibling) who has been left out of the attention knows that they have your love and support and they can make their own decisions.

Do this now and you will thank yourself when your 16 year-old says, Mommy I’m pregnant or Dad, I think I’m gonna be a Dad.

The practical lessons of FETCH training, based in Adlerian principles of child behavior, work for nearly every family that I have seen attend the 12 week course.

The next time you get surprised by your child’s behavior, think of FETCH. It is a parental behavior modification program that will make your life better. Already, hundreds of families can testify to that.

To find out more about FETCH, go to or visit my web site at


A Sad Day in Hawaii for Civil Unions

March 26, 2009

The Hawaii Advertiser reports in and afternoon breaking news report that the Hawaii Senate “rejected a motion to recall a civil-unions bill from committee.” Essentially, the same-sex partner equity is dead for the legislative session.

The March 25, 2009 article, “Civil union loses vote in Hawaii Senate,” pretty much tells the tale that the bill passed by the Hawaii House last month died in committee before it could get to a vote of the full Senate.

Too bad.

As a Dad denied visitation with his kids over false allegations of abuse, I wanted to see same-sex partners achieve parity with hetero marriages. When partnerships of all types are documented breaking down, the topic of domestic violence will have to be cast in its true light; DV is not a male-perpetrator thing. It is caused by partners equally; male or female. And the children are the ones who suffer the most.

Another thing we lose without same-sex parity is exposure of the anti-family bias in the family courts. Give a judge in this town the responsibility for a decision to give the kids to her or her (or to him or him). They won’t know what to do. They will actually have to think about the best interest of the child. They will be truly stumped.

Too many lawyers in this small state have a vested interest in exploiting family strife. Allowing same sex unions would take away the “fear” in their campaign against abusers. Right now, the fear of male-perpetrated domestic violence is a sharply honed tool. It provides these lawyers with a steady income from the noncustodial fathers of children.

Also, allowing same-sex unions would put the extremely high rates of family dissolution up-front in every family court case. Family Courts should try to preserve the integrity of the family and the dignity of every family member during a real dissolution. Instead, Family Courts profit from every family that dissolves. It’s no coincidence that once you get into the Family Court system, your family is toast.

And, possibly the biggest loss with the same-sex union bill going down in flames, Family Courts will be able to tenaciously hold onto the secrecy of Family Court hearings and trials. The false pretense of family confidentiality has been abused for far too long. In return, we have family court judges, lawyers, psychiatrists, social workers, and other lackeys profiting from a system that puts the interests of the children the very last.

A homo-sexual lifestyle is a choice. So is hetero-sexuality. Children can thrive in either environment. They should be given the chance to thrive with the parents they have. But when relationships fail, the cost to society is a multiple of every child that loses a parent.

To find out more about Hawaii Courts and the special interest groups profiting from family breakups, visit my web page at

Local News Focus on Male Perpetrators

March 25, 2009

What men do and are capable of doing is the basis of civil and criminal law from before the days of the Magna Carter.

This day, the news from the Honolulu Advertiser on 3/24/09, focuses on heinous acts of intolerable crimes in which men are the perpetrators.

Five articles, in particular, point to the perpetrating men involved in these crimes:

* Nofoa admitted shooting Kaukani, brother tells court

* Robbers invade Aiea home

* Man in stable condition following stabbing in Waianae

* Kauai man pleads not guilty in stabbing death of wife

* Elderly man struck by bus in Kaanapali March 13 dies

What this establishes is that men have enormous societal pressures upon them of which women have no equivalent. We’re the providers and protectors of our families with little support from our peers or the community.

Men are not excused from behavior that is anti-social and anti-state. And, men are more likely to engage in behavior that is more violent towards others. And, then, these two forces clash.

But the crimes of women are not equally measured. Child abduction is justifiable for a woman. Parental alienation is conveniently acceptable when a child is in the care of its mother. And emotional abuse towards men is condoned even though women complain loudly of lesser everyday offenses against them.

There is little common sense in the roles men and women have with each other. As a result, a man–today–can find himself in a ‘relationship’ that provides him with the emotional balance he seeks in a partnership and, at the same time, the woman may find herself with the perfect opportunity for profit.

In order to treat women equally to men, crimes against the state and crimes against humanity have to be weighed with a relationship to their impact on society.

A woman who falsely reports incidents of domestic violence and in the process engages police and the courts is having a direct impact upon the resources available to men and women who are undergoing real domestic violence. In many cases the cost is not measurable because the false incidents are the result of a woman’s imagination and law enforcement personnel do not have the latitude to discover the extent of the DV fantasy.

What is quantifiable are the actions of high-profile, non-conforming men over decades, perhaps centuries, of law enforcement experience. These are the headlines that scream men are bad / women are victims.

What is missing is the dance between men and women over the ages. Men secure the home and try to provide seeking the comfort of belonging. Women don’t have the same need to belong. If a woman has no obligation to secure the home and make do with what is provided, conflict ensues.

None of the above articles mentioned address even a shadow of this unspoken conversation. Men are saddled with bad apples. These bad apples are defined not by their actions, but by the impact of their actions upon our society. If women were held equal there would be twice as many headlines.

What is a crime? Visit my web site at to find out more.

Consensus: A Family Thing

March 20, 2009

Humans are gregarious by nature.

I think that statement is true enough to be a reasonable generalization. Yeah, I like my cave-time. But everyone I know likes to have some time for recognition. And that means being with other people.

Whether we are at work, in the community, or at home with our family; each of us follows the path of least resistance for our personalities. Some of us are like water running down the mountain, merging, cascading, and pooling into the greater unity of humanity.

Others of us are like water running uphill. The energy of everything that we do is focused on creating more energy for what can be done.

Some of us look at a blank page and will save it for another day when there is a need to put letters in a string of lines. Others of us look at a blank page and fill it with the ideas in our mind. Still, some of us need something in between.

Give a two-year-old a paper and crayon and he may not know the difference between the paper and the table. Your walls may be forest green and umbra-orange before you finish warming the Gerber strained peas.

Give that same person a paper with a circle, two dots and a half moon curve, and you will have wild hair, large ears, and rosy cheeks.

In between the blank and structured paper, a parent can help build a family that is unafraid of boundaries. A parent can teach his children of opportunities and a child can expand a parent’s mind beyond a lifetime of experiences.

Respecting the child and their input into the creative and collaborative process is the responsibility of the parent.

A parent cannot expect conformity to his or her rules. These will appear antiquated and irrelevant to the attentive child.

A parent can participate in the child’s creative process. By giving the child parameters in which the child may make decisions, the child, with the power of choice, can choose the option that is logical within their own experiences.

The parent who respects a child’s choice is likely to achieve consensus. A parent who is open to dissent from their child, is also likely to achieve consensus where the child shows logic that is reasoned and just.

The key to finding consensus in a family is respecting and understanding each other.

A parent teaches, not by superior knowledge, but by the cumulative experience of sympathy and empathy to the flowering needs of the child.

We all make mistakes. However, keeping focused on our children and providing them with the environment they need to succeed is our job.

Consensus is a family thing.

Let’s go to TCBY.  (Yeah ! ! ! )

Family Council: Understanding Democracy

March 19, 2009

We have been having Family Council regularly for a little over four years to my recollection. It has become a regular event, once per week, on the weekend, when we all have time.

We started on Sunday evenings. For the most part, we had our gatherings at the kitchen table. The youngest didn’t seem to understand, but he was there listening to us, and over the course of time, we realize that he is just as much a part of this family as everyone else.

We moved to Saturday mornings. After a nice relaxing Friday evening, it just seems to put our weekend and the entire week into perspective.

Our Family Council has become such an integral part of our family life, I don’t know how we got along before we started.

What is a Family Council? It is a time when we are all members of a group of individuals living together, hopefully, in a cooperative rather than a disfunctional way.

Every member has their say. The six-year-old boy. The twelve-year-old girl. Mom is not the boss, she’s just another Council Member. I’m the boyfriend. Mom likes me, but I have to earn the kids respect. And, that’s important to me.

My way to earn the kids respect is to treat them with respect. I’ve done this for so long with my own kids, and years before that, with my neices and nephews, it comes natural to me.

We start with “Acknowledgements.” Some like to say “Appreciation.” Some like to “Discover” something new about their family members every week.

The challenge, for every member of the family, is to learn to say something positive about every other individual at the meeting (no matter that your brother just got your finger jammed in the door). We know that we will all be required to appreciate someone we really dislike in our lives. It could be someone at work, at school, in politics, or even the TV News anchorperson.

Challenging ourselves to say something good about that person is to find that deep well of respect and appreciation for humanity within ourselves.

When it comes from the heart, the act of Acknowledging someone makes them feel good and makes us feel good, too.

We address issues. “How come everybody throws dishes in the sink with grape vines, fat, and leftover uneaten vegetables and rice? It makes it so hard to wash dishes with all this extra junk.

Proposed Solution: If you put a plate in the sink with anything on it, you have to eat it. (Nobody liked that idea.)

Proposed Solution: If you put a plate in the sink with anything on it, your dish goes back to your place setting with the junk on it and you can fix it or wash the dish yourself. (Everybody agrees!)

Unanimity is critical to cooperation. I’m glad we solved that problem. My dishwashing has become so much easier.

Schedule: Dentist, Field Trip (red T-shirt on Tuesday), Holiday weekend next week, Two weeks till you kids go to visit your Dad on the Mainland.

Family Fun: Bike Ride, Library, Zippy’s, TCBY? We may not have time for it all. But, maybe we will. “Hey Mom,” says the little one, “Can we make the pie mix Larry got for me on his last vacation?”  Great Idea!

Family Council: Democracy emerging.

I have so much hope for our kids.

I have so much to wish for my own who I have not seen for so long.

To find out more about Family Council and the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (FETCH) at the University of Hawaii, Manoa Campus, visit my web site at

Why does Hawaii get the worst Domestic Violence advocates?

March 17, 2009

On March 31 through April 2, 2009, Hawaii will hold a conference on Preventing, Assessing and Treating, Child, Adolescent and Adult Trauma. The Conference will be held at the Ala Moana Hotel.

Conference attendees include Astrid Heger, the infamous child abuser of the Martin Preschool Trials and anti-family lawyers, Richard Ducote and Barry Goldstein.

These lawyers, who deny that parental alienation exists and attempt to portray PA as a non-custodial legal strategy, are not only misguided, but they have been reprimanded for their biased and unfounded court tactics.

Hawaii gets the rancid, refrigerator left-overs.

Over in California, the California Alliance for Families & Children is presenting a domestic violence conference that breaks from the estranged ideology of Heger, Ducote, and Goldstein.

Using “Evidence-Based Research,” the California Conference, being held at the LAX Marriot on June 26 – 29, 2009, is titled “From Ideology to Inclusion.”

With sessions that include “Gender and the Dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence” and “Services for Male Victims,” the enlightened people at this domestic violence conference know that the most important victims of divorce and family breakups are the children.

Why is Hawaii offering an anti-family, child abuse seminar while reasonable people are rebelling against the prejudiced ideology of the people sponsoring our conference?

The answers are more frightening than you think.

Disclosure: My ex is a participating member of the above named conference at the Ala Moana hotel at the end of this month. I have not seen my kids in over 2.5 years.

To find out more about the hidden child abuse in Hawaii, visit my web site at

Child Abuse Conference Features Child Abusers

March 12, 2009

On March 31 through April 2, 2009, hundreds of concerned people will show up at the Ala Moana Hotel in Honolulu, for the 6th Annual Conference entitled, “Preventing, Assessing & Treating Child, Adolescent and Adult Trauma.”

The conference features over 35 Breakout Sessions and a half-dozen post conference workshops.The conference brochure can be found at

Most people would welcome a gathering of intellectuals, psychologists, lawyers, and social workers. For the most part, the people attending probably have the best interests of our Keiki at heart.

What the organizers do not tell you, however, is that there are a few bad apples in the group. Some of the speakers at the conference have abused children, mothers, and fathers on a scale that does not seem consistent with the intent of the conference.

For example; Astrid Heppenstall Heger, who still holds positions as a victim’s advocate, was an expert witness at the McMartin Preschool Trial, a criminal trial alleging numerous acts of sexual abuse of children against the McMartin family preschool. The trial ran six years and though arrests were made and people’s lives were destroyed, no convictions were obtained.

According to her Wikipedia entry, Heger’s expert opinions were questioned by Journalist John Earl. He believes that Heger’s findings were based upon unsubstantiated medical histories in which the children’s interviewers asked leading questions that almost always led to positive responses from the young children involved.

Other’s believe that Heger’s methodology may have led to “false-memory syndrome,” a condition in which a child believes something happened that did not simply because they were told that it happened so many times, they themselves do not know the truth.

360 children were abused by Heger’s intrusive and mind-altering methodology. Less than a dozen were actually put on the stand during the six-year trial.

The Conference brochure advertises that Heger is a professor of Clinical Pediatrics at the Keck School of Medicine at the University of Southern California. They state that “The original program was the first medically-based Child Advocacy Center in the U.S. and has been replicated hundreds of times around the world.”

This is fairly disturbing news. I would think they should have locked her up for destroying so many lives. But perhaps I am more concerned about the people who are less well known.

If a child anti-domestic violence program includes one bad apple who methodically abused 360 children over six-years, what are the backgrounds of other attendees and presenters at this conference?

As a matter of disclosure, my children’s mother is scheduled to participate in a moderated discussion group at this same conference.

I would venture that it is reasonable to say, we should all be frightened for Hawaii’s Keiki.

Perhaps, I’ll find out more. I am sure there are well-intentioned people presenting at this conference. I would love to have your input if you know of any of the attendees.

To find our more about child abuse, visit my web site at

Glenn Sacks Blog

March 10, 2009

Don’t forget to look up these headlines:

* Woman Refuses Active Duty Call-Up – Receives Honorable Discharge, March 9th, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

* Study Shows Disparities in Criminal Sentencing, March 9th, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

* Report for U.S. Dept. of Labor – ‘Nothing to Correct’ in the Wage Gap, March 9th, 2009 by Robert Franklin, Esq.

And more…

Encouragement v Discouragement

March 10, 2009

Encouraging a child is a hard thing to do for most parents. When living in close quarters, it is easy to see a child’s failings when we compare their young lives to our lives; “filled with experience.”

The result can easily be discouraging. Parents too often say:

* No, that’s not right.

* I shouldn’t have trusted you.

* When will you become responsible?

* You did it again.

* I am so ashamed of you.

Even more damaging to a child-parent relationship is the anticipatory discouraging statement:

* Don’t get dirty.

* Watch yourself.

* You aren’t old enough.

The parents’ intention is to make their children try harder, but what they get is a child who can no longer hear the negative statements. The child is too busy trying to be himself. The child may be too angry with the parent to give them the time of day. The child will get back at you for the lack of confidence you have in them.

In contrast, encouragement implies your faith in the child. Encouragement communicates your belief in your child’s strength and abilities.

* “Do my children have strength? Of course, they test me to my limits everyday.”

It is easy to point out the weak points a child has. It takes practice and wisdom to point out a child’s strengths.

* I can see you really enjoy coloring. That picture even looks happy.

* That airplane flew far. You have quite a talent for making good airplanes.

* Your car lost five out of six derby races. But you know, you won one derby race and that really shows how much you tried. I’m proud of you.

Encouragement does not rely on success. It relies on the love a parent wishes to express to their child. What we, as parents, need to do is learn how to express our love in a way the child understands and absorbs our love.

We are human. Even as parents to our children, we won’t do it perfectly, every time. Encouragement is not praise. But, for their sakes, we have to try.

To find out more about Encouragement, visit my web site at Click on Family Education and do some research on these two classics: “Effective Discipline in the Home and School” and “Children the Challenge.”

Portions of this article paraphrased and excerpted from the above titles.

Parental Alienation and Democracy

March 9, 2009

I don’t pretend to be an expert in Parental Alienation, but I do know that it exists. PA is what we do to–and what happens to–a child when parents, especially in divorce and child custody situations, badmouth each other.

In general, the process applies to target parents that, in reality, have not abused the child. I add the words “in reality” because a PA child may not be able to discern the difference. Alternatively, a PA child may not wish to cross the ire of the alienating parent for fear of painful retribution.

PA can get so bad that the child becomes brainwashed against the targeted parent. The process can affect the child for the rest of his or her life in some or all of the following ways:

  • The child can’t have a normal relationship with the targeted parent.
  • The child’s ability to love and trust the alienating parent is diminished or destroyed, usually because that parent has used their power and control to destroy the target parent’s love of the child; and, finally,
  • The child may never form a lasting relationship with another human being.

The severity of these three fundamental symptoms of PA varies from divorce to divorce and child to child.

One divorce may be extremely hostile and the child may have found defenses against the alienation early on; so the worst is mitigated. Another divorce may be less filled with conflict, but the child may be extremely sensitive to the world, thus leading to an irresolvable conflict within the child that leads to an inability to deal with anything to do with human interaction.

But, PA is not only limited to divorce situations. There are times when battling parents stay together for the sake of the children, only to verbally or physically battle everyday in front of the child.

My intent here is not to pass judgment on any particular family, but to give insight into the multi-generational aspects of PA that degrade democracy in our country.

About my family:

I grew up in a family where nearly every time I remember my parents interacting, they did so with respect. There were moments of physical displays of affection and there was cooperation when performing a task, such as getting all seven of us kids to Grandma’s house every other Sunday.

PA was nearly absent within my nuclear family. So my firsthand knowledge of PA does not come from my childhood experiences.

What does come from my childhood is a fundamental belief in mutual respect as a part of every relationship. With seven siblings, my family was not a perfect union. There were many clashes, both physical and ideological. In a sense, we functioned like a miniature democracy.

The Founding Fathers of our Country knew that the family, then the community, then the state, then the nation would be the natural organization of a democratic-republic. Democracy itself is founded upon the family. When the family produces children with a healthy understanding of life, liberty, and happiness, democracy thrives.

About divorce:

The numbers may be argued, but I think most people agree that more than 50 percent of marriages fail and many failed marriages have kids.

If a group of persons were entering a business venture that failed as often, there would be some serious investigations. When the business relationship is called marriage and the where the intent of the relationship is to raise children, no one seems to be adequately questioning the failure of families.

Families don’t have to be broken by divorce. Yet, it is a shameful fact that our adversarial divorce process encourages sole custody that actually creates broken families. Sole custody enables a controlling parent, the custodial parent, and disables the parenting ability of the non-custodial parent.

When the custodial parent wants the family broken, the non-custodial parent has no choice and no voice. The process of divorce is not simply adversarial–where adversaries at least have a voice–; it can be tyrannical and antithetical to democracy itself.

Estimates are that in about 80 percent of divorces with kids, one parent badmouths the other; some slightly and some more so. It is a natural thing to experience heightened emotions in divorce and it’s not always easy to keep children protected. However, in slightly over 20 percent of divorces, the badmouthing and other behavior is consistent, intentional, and malicious. In these cases, it is so severe that it results in a child losing the parental bond and having strong feelings against the non-custodial parent.

Historical Lessons:

About 50 years ago, there was a severe social stigma to being divorced. Over, the next 20 years, the stigma diminished. Common mantras in the nascent feminist movement were “Kick the bum out” and the leading question “Would you be better off with him, or without him?” Men could only agree with the logic. Everyone wants to live in a perfect marriage and family.

But about 30 years ago, the mantras became embedded in the pre-marital minds of young people across America. Marriage didn’t have to be about romantic love and living happily ever after. Marriage could be the ticket to a better life. Multiple marriages were providing many women with power and wealth. Sadly, children are a part of the wealth created during marriage and a woman gets to take those possessions with her over 85% of the time.

Also, the false idea that “a divorced woman’s economic status suffers in divorce” has been repeated too often. Better statistical data, today, shows that after five-years custodial women are far better off, economically, than their divorced husbands. Additionally, these ex-husbands have lost the experience of their children’s childhoods and most importantly, the children have lost their father.

The net gain of divorce–in just one single divorce–is not a gain at all. It is a loss.

Questions of Synthesis:

In relation to the above concepts, I present the following questions:

· What happens when we multiply the net loss of a single divorce by the number of divorces?

· What happens when we multiply the number of divorces by the children who have diminished, damaged, or destroyed relationships with the non-custodial parents? And;

· What happens when we multiply the children of these divorces over the last 50 years of increasing divorces in this country?

To the first question:

In a single year, the number of divorces happening in this country exceeds the number of families coming together. The more that sole-custody is pushed by adversarial parties, the more likely that one parent will be left without a voice.

We not only have broken families; we have a new under-class of citizens against whom a prejudice has not been widely recognized.

Tyranny ascends and democracy declines.

To the second question:

If parents cannot get along for the sake of their children, there will be children suffering from all severities of PA. These children will know three truths;

a) It is acceptable to treat some people (non-custodial parents and by extension others) with prejudice and bias.

b) Figures of authority (the custodial parent and by extension others) can take away anything you have, including the love of another human being.

c) People are expendable. Therefore, it is ok to use everyone and anyone for maximum profit and gain. Love, marriage, and families have no meaning beyond a person’s own satisfaction.

The effects of this will be widespread.

To the third question:

Marriages and even the willingness to engage in relationships will decline. No man will be acceptable to any woman except for her short-term profit.

For those men who risk marriage, the state will have full control over their lives at the whims of the women to whom they just pledged their life. The smarter man will fear and avoid the power and control women can exert over their life, liberty, and happiness.

Our evolutionary tendency to gather in groups for protection and well-being will be permanently altered.

The family–the fundamental unit of democracy–will cease to exist.

It is not irrational to fear for democracy itself.

The Healing:

None of us, alone, can undo the worst decisions we have made in the past as a culture. But, we do have time to stem the tide of anti-family behavior that is now rooted in Family Courtrooms around the country.

If we remove the mechanism of power and control–sole custody–, we must replace it with a mechanism that will foster child bonds between both parents. That replacement is often referred to as “Shared Parenting.”

A second step is to understand the powerful principles of respect and dignity within the family. For too long, Freud and Jung have thwarted the family with sexually rooted excuses and introspective “cognitive behavioral” trips to nowhere. Instead, Alfred Adler has a practical way to short circuit the destructive tendencies of individuals within the family and beyond, in separation and divorce.

The basics taught in parenting programs, such as Active Parenting ( or the Family Education Training Center of Hawaii (, should be brought to a wider audience at a younger age. Sex education in high schools should include, not just physical anatomy, but education of the emotions of passion and the principles of family life.

Finally, opponents of Parental Alienation should acknowledge that blaming men, fathers, and other non-custodial parents puts us all on a slippery slope. Blaming others is easy. But it is not what our children or our democracy needs.

Doing nothing for our children is not an option.

I can’t duplicate, for my own children, the positive effects of democracy within the family that I learned through my parents as I grew up. But I can write against the scourge.

Even in divorce or separation, a family does not have to be destroyed.

To find out more about PA and other issues affecting parents of children of divorce, visit my web site at