Archive for June, 2009

Web Site Revisions

June 30, 2009

I’m working on a few revisions. Please bear with me as my web site experiences technical changes. Thanks.

http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

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Mothers Who Lie

June 21, 2009

Mothers Who Lie and fathers who spend Father’s Day alone.

Children should not be subjected to a parent intent on denying access to the other child’s parent. This is part of the process of alienation. An alienating mother’s lies makes victims of the children and the family.

A common tactic of the alienator is to brainwash the child into believing certain circumstances are the truth. For example, “Your father does not want to see you.” But, no child will listen to that argument for long without seriously compromising their own mental health or rebelling against the alienating parent.

More often the blunt message is given while the children are young. As the child grows and begins to reason, the alienator invents tactics that respond to the child’s level of maturity. “If your father wanted to see you, he would…” and then the demands are laid down. Thus the manipulation of any truth becomes an easily believable lie to the child.

In my case, the court requires three therapists to provide proof that I am a good parent to my children.

My children knew me. I believe they still know me as a good parent. They know that I did not abuse them or harm in any way, yet they are being told–consistently–that their father is the one to blame for the harm caused by his own absence. “If your father cared about you, he would respect the court order.”

In addition to shifting blame, the alienator’s tactic plays well to a child who is not told about pertinent facts, such as HIPPA regulations that require client confidentiality.

As a self-proclaimed Marriage and Family Therapist, my children’s mother has had no qualms about exposing private and confidential information for her own gain. In their alternate reality, no one is entitled to a private and confidential relationship with anyone.

As time goes on, the “father’s sins” become the sins of the whole family. The smallest transgression leads to the termination of another relationship; a grandmother, a cousin, a concerned family member, a friend, or a community member. By this time, the child has no problem believing that the father is at fault.

The alienating parent will make targets out of more than just the father and people the child could have known.

She will make targets out of anything that the father believes in.

It is not difficult to sabotage a healthy relationship between two adults. Just a few overheard comments or a stern response at the mention of the other parent that, simply, lets the child know the alienating parent is not to be mentioned without risking the mother’s love.

The truly alienated child is cut off from all direct contact and indirect relationship with his or her father. It is the only way for the alienator to retain full power and control over the targeted parent and the children’s alternate reality.

It is the surest way to destroy a child’s life.

Mothers who lie to their children like this are angry, self-centered individuals who do not care about the harm they cause to others. They are consumed with inflicting harm on the target parent. They are consumed with permanently terminating the child’s relationship with half of their own heritage. They are enraged at the thought that another parent may be capable of loving his children with all his heart and these mothers will stop at nothing to terminate the love of a parent for his children.

Mother’s who lie will do everything in their power to deny what they do. My court order bars visitation. It does not bar contact. That does not stop the children’s mother telling all concerned that there is a No-Contact order. Thus it becomes the father’s fault that he is or is not making any attempts to contact his children.

My children’s mother knows that the cruelty and punishment she inflicts on our children cannot survive the appeals process.

She knows it is not the intention of the court to keep a healthy parent away from his children. She knows that the children are old enough to decide for themselves when they want to get back in touch with their father.

She knows that if she stops lying to them now, the children may never forgive her the hurt she has caused them.

Father’s Day at Honolulu Academy of Arts

June 18, 2009

Join me at the Honolulu Academy of Arts this Sunday, June 21, 2009, FATHER’S DAY. “FAMOUS FATHERS”

The event is open at 11am, but I’ll be sponsoring the Parent’s Without Partners (PWP), Hawaii Chapter 151 gathering at about 1pm.

Keiki get to explore works of art with the search and find game provided. Prizes are awarded to anyone who finishes. Members get lunch subsidy.

Just a few facts about Father’s Day from Ned Holstein at FathersandFamilies.

Father’s Day is June 21.

Below is a little history on this wonderful holiday:

* In 1910, the city of Spokane, Washington celebrated the first Father’s Day.
* In 1924, the third Sunday in June was proclaimed Father’s Day by President Calvin Coolidge.
* In 1926, the National Father’s Day Committee was formed in New York City.
* In 1956, Congress recognized Father’s Day as a holiday.
* In 1966, a presidential proclamation by Lyndon B. Johnson declared the third Sunday of June officially Father’s Day.
* In 1972, President Richard Nixon made the third Sunday in June a permanent national observance of Father’s Day.

Women Hero Murderers

June 17, 2009

In China, a manic-depressive pedicurist who moonlights as a waitress in a karaoke bar was allegedly attacked by two drunken Communist Party officials in a laundromat. She stabbed them with a knife, killed one of them, and the Honolulu Advertiser (HA) is all too happy to run the AP story that celebrates her as a folk hero.

In the June 16, 2009, article, China court frees woman who stabbed Communist Party official, HA noted that the woman had been convicted of “injury with intent but spared her from punishment, bowing to popular support for a woman portrayed by many as a hero for lashing out against injustice.”

Things may be bad in China, but killing a drunk should not make anyone a hero. HA has declared its war on men and families in their series on domestic violence that blames men, advocates divorce, and hurts only children. Now, they appear to be encouraging murder by women who don’t want sex. Our country has its share of nuts out there. What gives HA the right to promote violence?

Women Baby Murderers

On June 10, 2009, HA broke the story, “Mililani woman charged in death of infant boy.” Natalee Westbrook was charged with second degree murder for causing the death of her 7-week-old nephew on May 10. The autopsy determination was that the child died of “intracranial injury due to abusive head trauma,” a condition associated with a child dying from being shaken.

According to her lawyer, Eric Seitz, a couple of days later, “Lawyer says police rushed to bring charges against Westbrook,” Natalee had left the child on the couch while she went to the bathroom. The child fell and because of a pre-existing blood clot in his head, the police should not have rushed to find anyone guilty. So, if the autopsy says internal bleeding in the skull and semi-detached retinas, signs of shaken-baby syndrome, aren’t enough to point the finger at someone, what is? Natalee is free on $150,000 bail.

Whether Natalee is guilty or not, the investigation took over a month to conclude something was not quite right. What is typical about this case is the vitriol that it unleashed by the Hawaiian people. The frequency of name calling and cursing by supporters and detractors of Natalee was more than I have seen in a long while.

For those interested; F___ and F*** are still fuck, A$$ is still ass even when used with the word dumb or hole, and S**t is still shit. Vulgar language detracts from the issues and inflames the non-issues.

Still, people are pissed that the lawyer is going to accuse the whole family, thereby creating a reasonable doubt. Since no one in Hawaii will allow a candid discussion of domestic violence issues within families, least of all HA, there is a reasonable likelihood that this child’s death, if proven a murder, will go without justice.

And it goes without saying that if Natalee had been a man, he would be put away for life.

Drunk women murderers are ok, too

Speaking of “without justice,” HA reports that Dana-Nicole Ellisor is getting out on parole after serving 18 months of a 10 year sentence for vehicular manslaughter. The June 15 article “Big Isle woman sentenced to 10 years in drunk-driving death gets probation,” perhaps inadvertently, shows how justice doesn’t apply when women are perpetrators.

Ellisor racked up points on a building and a tree, landing her car upside-down, before another venture a few weeks later, crossing a center line, killing Christina Galutira and injuring her husband and a third person. Her blood-alcohol scores were .193 and .126. Hawaii’s limit is .08.

Because Ellisor was one of the prison chicks who were previously lauded by HA in the “Prison Monologues” program, Third Circuit Judge Elizabeth Strance decided that Ellisor had made extraordinary progress in her prison treatment program. Even though “The Hawaii Paroling Authority had set a minimum of 8 1/2 years before Ellisor was to be eligible for parole.”

She’s a bar-fly and a drama queen and our judges are getting conned.

Give women guns campaign?

So what is Rhonda Stewart’s exuse? In a June 13, 2009 article, “Woman Gave Doctor Weapon After Fatal CAMC Hospital Shooting, Police Say,” radio station WSAZ reported that “A man was killed after police say his estranged wife walked in to the ICU at CAMC Memorial Hospital and shot him” in the head.

Shall we just give women guns and let them do anything they want? That seems to be the case and Stewart knows it. After the shooting, “she walked out of the room and handed the pistol to a doctor. Stewart stayed at the hospital after the shooting and was arrested a short time later.” She knows that she’ll be able to get off on any number of defenses; insanity, sexual advances, menopause, the list is growing.

The bedridden man, just out of ICU, had been estranged from her for three years. They had an argument shortly before the shooting incident. I wonder if there is a “Give nutty women guns” campaign going on.

As always, find out more about nutty women (especially my ex) and other things that will surprise you about your justice system on my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

On the RADAR

June 11, 2009

One million false allegations of domestic violence each year, and that was in January 2007.

RADAR, Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting, is a web site accumulating the most outrageous violence against families enabled by the very legislation intended to protect women and children.

How does this happen? In the Rainbow State of Hawaii, the one minority that cannot be tolerated is the man accused of domestic violence. It does not matter if the allegations are true. In this state and in every other state in the United States, there are legions of domestic violence victim’s advocacy groups claiming–falsely–that domestic violence is caused by men and women are its only victims.

The statistics tell otherwise. Men and women are equally to blame for domestic violence and the children are the only victims.

Why is it that when a headline like in today’s Honolulu Advertiser appears, “Mililani woman charged in death of infant boy, looking deeper is not an option.

The article is 133 words long. There is no more information.

A reader responds, “Ok. Before Anyone starts bashing the woman. You don’t know the whole story. These are my relatives. Have Some compassion and consideration here. She’s innocent until proven guilty.”

I agree, we don’t know the whole story. We never do. But if a man had been charged with “intracranial injury due to abusive head trauma” to a child, Honolulu Advertiser readers would be roasting him over a spit.

Domestic Violence is not a men’s only issue. It is a family issue. DV tears families apart. Children lose their fathers in almost every divorce and years later wonder why their mothers kept their fathers out of their lives so much. The child’s anger and hurt is more destructive than anything the mother and father could have done to stay together and make it work.

We have to stop putting men behind bars and cutting off access to their children based on trumped up and false allegations of DV. We have to begin dismantling the multi-million dollar domestic violence advocacy industry here in Hawaii.

Tragedies like this only make it more imperative that a true, honest discussion about domestic violence be brought to our legislative representatives.

To find out more about domestic violence in your home, visit RADAR and my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

Abuse of Men on the Web

June 10, 2009

The past two weeks have been busy, but, I’ve been following the headlines as much as I can. This month, in the category of “fact is stranger than fiction,” so far there have been a heap of stories.

1) For instance, on Annanova, a story about, “Man, 29, has 21 children,” has me at a loss for words. Turns out the Tennessee man, Desmond Hatchett, has had relationships with 11 Tennessee women and has children from newborns to 11 years old.

He works a minimum wage job and the newspapers only found out about it because the authorities tried to nail him for child support. Knoxville says it is going to levy half of his salary which they admit will amount to a little over a $1 per week per child.

I don’t consider this abuse. After all they note that one mother who has two children with him, “said she should get $44 a month but rarely receives any child support. “It’s frustrating, but usually, when I ask he gives it to me,” she said. Mr. Hatchett said he knows the names and ages of all his offspring. I hope they all remember him on Father’s Day.

2) In Honolulu, Sen. Inouye announced on Jun 2, 2009, that the city is getting a $1 million dollar grant to help underprivileged young parents obtain education and job-skills training. Sounds like good news.

The grant is to help mothers, expectant mothers, and fathers; age 16 to 24, with job training, child-care, transportation, and healthcare. I don’t know what their selection criteria are for the few people they will be able to help. I hope they plan on tracking how the money is used. I would be surprised to see more than a 10th of the money used to help fathers. It is easier to kick them out of the kids’ life permanently and much more profitable to garnish his wages over the next 20 years.

3) On June 3, 2009, Lisa Belkin writes for the NY Times, ““How to Teach Kids About Money”. So, after her two parent family dialogue, in which her son is close enough to a golf course to caddy, she says not a word about children of divorce.

One important lesson about money the best financial courses cannot teach is how fast it can disappear after a divorce, especially for Dads who get kicked out of their childrens’ lives, pay enormous fees for lawyers, and still end up with child support payments that break the bank every week till their children are grown.

Too often, men enter what should be their retirement years with an alienated family and no cash in the bank. The poverty that consumes these families cannot be measured by the men who have, in spite of their best efforts, no savings. It must be measured by the actions of the children who will do it to their children all over again. The cost to society is far beyond what you can imagine.

4) Follow me on this one… (no link, sorry) Jessie Doss used her common-law husband’s name and personal identifying information to obtain a license for a gas station-convenience store business in Alabama. Patrick Doss worked full-time at a machine shop 10 miles away. He dropped in on her every now and then. Jessie didn’t file tax returns for a couple of years. The tax man came knockin, Patrick was there and told him that Jessie would call them. Jessie didn’t call so they brought Patrick into court to extract the money from him.

Well, he just told them revenuers that his wife ran the business and he had nothing to do with the money owed. And, he didn’t know that his wife (now ex) had the tax license and hid the DOR notices until after she borrowed money in his name and then ran off with another man. Even the oil company sued Patrick for the gas she bought but dismissed the claim based on the evidence. Patrick lost his job, his wife, and is being hounded from bills she ran up with corporations and authorities.

A special thanks to Chief Administrative Law Judge, Bill Thompson, for his insight into this abuse.

5) Back here in Honolulu, the Star Bulletin published this article, “Mother ordered to hospital on June 6, 2009. Elly Rivera was found not guilty by reason of insanity of choking her 4-year-old daughter into unconsciousness. “Rivera had said voices told her they were going to burn her family, and she needed to kill her children painlessly to preserve their souls.”

And after the B.S. meter hits the bell the deputy city prosecutor, Jeen Kwak, says “I’m just glad, seriously, that it was the mental illness, because I can’t imagine a biological mother doing this knowingly. That would be so spooky.”

What is spooky is that they let this woman off “because of the threats from voices” and they nailed Ernie Gomez on domestic violence charges after he found out his wife was cheating on him. The only consistent thing about mental illness excuses in attempted murder cases in Hawaii is that women have it easy. Click here for my story on Ernie.

Way to go Circuit Judge Patrick Border. You really have instilled confidence that the system works… for psychopathic women.

6) Dr. Perri Klass of the NY Times has a bit more to say on bullies and their enablers in a June 8, 2009 article, ““At Last, Facing Down Bullies (and Their Enablers).” See my article on ““Women hurting women.”

It seems as though, now in 2009, bullying in school is being recognized as a gender neutral topic. In fact, the evidence seems to suggest that, when you include verbal abuse in the definition of bullying, women and girls seem to have the edge avoiding any consequences to their actions.

7) Why Reuters takes a light-hearted view of “Fewer divorces during financial gloom” I’ll never know. Reuters quotes a study by Grant Thornton accountants that appears to point to divorce trends that are linked to a sharp drop in property prices making it hard for couples to sell a joint home, and the credit crunch that dampens a desire to fund two separate households.

Where 80% of divorces are being initiated by women after their “honeymoon” stage of marriage has ended, it seems that these accountants have quickly summed up what women are all after; money. It doesn’t buy happiness but the lack of money sure does hurt one’s chances of being a happily married mum.

It makes you wonder what would happen if men all over the world suddenly decided to quit their jobs.

And-8) Not to belabor that point, “Stern murder trial combines sex and wealth,” one has to wonder why money and murder stories end up in the “Oddly Enough” category when the woman does the murdering.

Murder, when committed by a man against a woman, gets front page billing as a heinous and horrible deed. When committed by a woman against a man, well, it always seems justified. But is it?

To find out more about the inequity of the justice system against fathers and families visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.