While important statistics like reports and arrest for abuse by household members have been in a free fall for the last ten years, Domestic Violence advocates claim that “The system that was designed to protect us ultimately is failing us,” Dara Carlin makes such an unbelievable statement in the Honolulu Advertiser’s article, “System Failure,” December 14, 2008, by Rob Perez.
Ms. Carlin is at the center of an hysterical rash of allegations that run contrary to the evidence presented that the rate of domestic violence in Hawaii is decreasing. Mr. Perez accommodates the ridiculous with aplomb.
No rational person can dispute why the Honolulu Advertiser labeled its article, “System Failure.” The failure was built into the system. And it is Mr. Perez who has failed to report it.
* To counter a decline in reporting of DV instances, proponents of “victim’s advocacy” report domestic violence incidences are crimes–with clear perpetrators and victims–rather than domestic interpersonal relationships gone awry (Ralph and Alice anyone?).
* Promoting the ‘Duluth’ model of a perpetrator is a proven strategy for obtaining Federal, State, and Private grants that fund domestic violence shelters. Cash drives the unproven and self-aggrandizing reports of DV.
* Personal anecdotes and media hysteria drive up phone calls and bed occupancy rates. Once in a shelter, an army of disaffected women do everything they can to coerce the sheltered parent into making statements that can and will be used in court to destroy the family.
* Politicians have smelled the cash opportunity in breaking up families. Nearly 80 percent of men who have had their children taken away in the closed Family Court proceedings pay child support in full and on time. They pay for a slew of psychological and other services that feed the industry that tears apart families.
* Men are required either to fund the machine or face jail. America is now known as the top jailer of “deadbeat” parent debtors. Political campaigns are won or lost on an individual’s advocacy for the woman victim and against the male perpetrator.
* Who would know that jailing a person for debt violates principles of humanity established as long ago as the Magna Carta? Perhaps a lawyer or a politician? Sadly, many do know.
* Similarly, the Honolulu Advertiser has taken the political position that men are bad and women are victims. Damn the children. Let the state take over the family. Let fathers be jailed. Let democracy die.
Among the rising numbers since 1996, the inception of the Federal (VAWA) “Violence Against ‘Womens’ Act,” Family Court Protective Orders and Protective Order Arrests have gone up about 80%.
A brief analysis is required.
The availability of protective court orders is a testament to democracy. Citizens have a right to complain. That does not give a state the right to intervene.
When Federal law permitted State Family Courts to place non-violent parenting actions in a restraining order, it gave states the power to jail non-custodial parents over co-parenting issues.
It happened to me and I know I’m not the only one.
Anytime a custodial parent does not agree with a non-custodial parent–such as allowing visitation–the non-custodial parent is deemed at fault and guilty of a crime.
Protective order arrests have increased. At some level one wants to assume that these arrests occur because a person is breaking the law. The sad fact is that an inflexible parenting agreement always leads to one person violating the agreement; often benefiting the first complainant at the cost of the unsuspecting defendant. An arrest is made. But the question remains; If the defendant has committed no crime, what is the crime for which he has been arrested?
Woah!
Hot-line information calls: Over ten years these calls increased by 158% from a base of about 8,000 calls. After an eight year period in which the calls had remained steady, the calls increased from 8,000 in 2004 to over 20,000, in 2006.
An investigative reporter would have questioned any such sudden change. Anyone familiar with cellphones and the internet can tell that the jump occurred along with the implementation of technology that facilitates repeat calls and counts calls of both complaining and defending parents.
Changing a methodology in the middle of a study needs to be disclosed.
Hotline calls do not differentiate between men, women, or children who are reporting incidences of domestic violence. They do not include statistics of how many children of single parent homes are reporting against their parents. They do not address how many children are reporting against parents with whom they have simple visitation rights that are being violated (a clear indication of Parental Alienation). They don’t distinguish complaints of children against step-parents in blended family arrangements.
Mr. Perez has failed again in a very grand way. But this is not his greatest failure.
Shelter bed days have skyrocketed from 28,000 in 1996 to nearly 40,000 in 2005. None of these shelter bed days distinguishes between homeless and non-homeless individuals. No families are listed. No men. No men who are Veterans. No women who are prostitutes. No listings of mental illnesses. No numbers of children involved.
From Kapa’a to Hilo, what can a shelter-bed day mean when it is serving less than 90 percent of those who have no home?
One has to wonder why in the world has Mr. Perez included shelter-bed days in his analysis. The answer is pretty easy.
Mr. Perez has a political agenda. He–like Ms. Carlin–does not care about the families that are torn apart by the legal system. He feels that the state must intervene at every point in which a question is raised about a family’s ability to raise a child. Even to the point of manufacturing evidence against the accused families as a group.
Others might easily recognize echoes of Nazi, Germany; Stalinist, Russia; and Tianamen Square, China. So long as somebody profits politically and others lose, Mr. Perez has hedged his bets.
For parents and families, we have to remain vigilant that the foundation of logic, proposed by Mr. Perez, is small. Mothers and fathers and children are all part of a family. As families grow, we all seek to belong with significance. The dance of humanity requires that we all share responsibility, ho’o’pono’pono style.
Of ho’o’pono’pono I have more to say. I acknowledge my failings as a father, as a husband, and as a human. Yet, will not acknowledge the pain and suffering she has caused. She hides behind the DV laws, the closed Family Courts, and the fantasy of a false DV victim.
Time will let die that which it cannot heal.
My only wish, this Christmas, is to know what my children want for the holiday from their Dad and to have that wish respected by the intrusive alienating State of Hawaii Family Court.