Hawaii’s saddest domestic violence stories occur all too frequently. For Randal K. Randrup, it is easy to see that the Honolulu Advertiser’s story, Big Island man sentenced to two years for killing son, started long before this 61-year-old father shot his 27-year-old son, Chris Randrup, to death in Puna, Big Island.
Randrup, as he prefers to be called, pleaded guilty to manslaughter in August this year, though he told the court that he was acting in self-defense because his son was beating him. Two years in prison, ten on probation.
As with any family, the story is complex.
Chris’ mother, and aunt and a close friend were permitted to address the court and drew Third Circuit Judge Glenn Hara’s rebuke, perhaps not only for previously unapproved pictures that were eventually admitted. But, perhaps from their unrelenting anger and complete absence of forgiveness, “This evil man killed my son, his own son, in such an obscene manner,” said the mother.
In most “father murders family stories,” the father is not rational, not sane, and something or someone has pushed him beyond an emotional threshold that no man should ever have to bear.
Francis Alcain, Randrup’s attorney pointed to the agony behind the anger and fear that led him to the tragic actions of taking his son’s life.
“On the surface, the relationship that Mr. Randrup had with his son, it appeared to be relatively calm. But little tell-tale signs were present. Mr. Randrup would go to work with an injury one day that he didn’t have before, or a cut, or a bruise, or pain and fear from a vicious kick over a dog. Little things. But the father-son relationship was marred by a pattern of abuse — violent, explosive abuse that continued to escalate in severity and concern.”
When the family does not get help, domestic violence does not go away. It just increases over time.
And Randrup took the time to make his own statement.
“Your honor, this is the worst thing that could ever have happened. I’m so sorry it occurred. I could go on and on, but believe me, I never in my wildest dreams would imagine this occurring. It’s so sad.”
It is easy to see, even from the written story, Randrup’s apology and contrition are sincere.
Yet, even from the bleachers, Chris’ mother could not help interrupting the court with disrespectful harrumphing and clapping. Here too, it is easy to see who were Chris’ enablers and silent partners in the abuse that was occurring within this family against this father.
Judge Hara tried his best to be as compassionate as he could. Before Randrup’s confession, the state had barely any evidence to go on.
“If your trial had proceeded without the confessions, there was a likelihood that without the confessions a jury might acquit you. You would have been completely absolved of this crime… So, Mr. Randrup, this is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. It will be a burden on you for the rest of your life.”
That Randrup confessed speaks loudly to his own sorrow.
Yet, still, family and friends continued with their own brand of domestic violence and disrespect. Phillip Kissinger, a friend of Chris’, stood up after the sentence was read and said “Your honor, could you explain why you’re giving such a short sentence?”
And even as they were leaving the courtroom, Ellen DesJardins, a friend of a cousin said, “That murderer will be back on the streets in less than two years. Watch out, everybody. He did it to his own son. He’ll definitely do it to yours.”
I can see the spittle ejecting from her mouth at the words. With friends like this, you can see that this whole community will be embroiled in domestic violence. And it will escalate. And more people will become victims.
On this last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I just want to repeat the message that there is a way out of the escalating conflict that leads to tragedy for hundreds of thousands of families every year. The Family Education Training Center of Hawaii, at the University of Hawaii Manoa Campus (efetcg.org), has helped hundreds of young families learn new parenting skills based on respect for others in the family, the community and society. Reading material and online classes can be found at activeparenting.com.
No family that endures domestic violence ever has a winner or a loser. We are all losers. Some of us lose visitation. Some of us lose our lives.
I can’t sympathize with a killer, but I can understand the pain of being abused. To find out more about ways to reduce domestic violence in your life, visit my web site at “www.LiveBeatDad.com.”