Archive for May, 2009

Do less than 7% of us care?

May 27, 2009

Registered voters in Hawaii got a ballot for this year’s neighborhood board elections recently for a Neighborhood Board Election that was to be held between May 6 and May 22, 2009.

This was the first year that the elections have been held “all-digitally,” according to the Honolulu Advertiser’s article, “Neighborhood Board voter turnout at 6.3%” on May 26, 2009.

The vote this year was open to 115,000 eligible voters on Oahu. According to census figures, that number itself represents one tenth of the people who live, work, and pay taxes on this small, overpopulated rock in the middle of the Pacific.

Granted, eligible voters are only people who live in a neighborhood in which the race was contested. But this unobtrusive fact opens up another festering wound with representative democracy in Hawaii.

The truly sad thing about this article is that only 7,289 eligible voters went online or phoned in their vote. 6.3% of eligible voters? How about one-half of one percent of the 1,288,198 Hawaiian residents reported by the U.S. Census Bureau for 2008?

Neighborhood Commission executive director Joan Manke said she was “very disappointed” with the results, and said it was largely the result of voters getting used to a new way of doing things. There was a 28 percent turnout in 2007, the last neighborhood board election.

Shall we call Ms. Manke naïve or irresponsible? If she has a facebook page with 115,000 friends, maybe it was naïve.

In memory of Memorial Day

My weekend was a busy three-day, Memorial Day weekend, like many of you had. I rode my bike 35 miles and joined Boy Scout’s Pack 49 to walk up Punchbowl cemetery on Sunday, 5/24/09.

I watched in awe as many of the overheated yet curious boys realized that many of the young men buried in this volcanic pit died when they were only 20 years old. Some of the boys who could barely read were rapt by the names and dates of the dry and otherwise meaningless military epitaphs.

I choked back a flood of tears as they fanned across the granite stones, lighting them up with the bold colors of the Stars and Stripes and a traditional, colorful, Hawaiian lei under the strong Hawaiian sun.

Their efforts would only be the preparation for the real Memorial Day ceremonies held on Monday, May 25, 2009. I heard the Harlies roaring up the Pali. I heard the canons saluting the fallen. I heard the F-16’s flying over Punchbowl to honor the men and women who have died for this country.

But, for me, there will be nothing to match the wonder and amazement on the Boy Scout’s faces when they first glimpsed–and sometimes comprehended–the sacrifice these soldiers; their brothers, fathers, and grandfathers, made to keep our country free.

Uncle Heroes

Lastly, a special thanks to us Uncles. Noe Edward Rodriguez knows more deeply the loss of a loved one after his Hanai Uncle, Russell Fox, gave his life to protect him.

Gary Kubota of the Star Bulletin reported this touching story, “Truck driver killed in crash is praised for saving boy’s life,” on May 21, 2009.

Of all people, I know how a man can be a father to a child not his own. It is a natural thing. “He was a hero,” said Noe.

Rodriguez said just before the truck overturned, Fox took off his seat belt and put his arms around Rodriguez to protect him from the impact, saying, “Uncle loves you.“”


For all the men who sacrifice their lives for the children they love, these stories are true and they reflect the very best in all of us and the very best to which we can aspire.

To find out more about fathers and their families, check out my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

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Lousy Moms and Live-Beat Dads

May 20, 2009

The Washington Times, the decidedly conservative rag of the District of Columbia, ran an editorial on Monday, 5/18/09, titled simply “Anti-Dad Bias.” Listening to the concerns of Glenn Sacks, Executive Director of Fathers and Families, the article hammers away at the misconceived reality show currently on Lifetime TV’s agenda.

I don’t know Lifetime TV’s agenda. I haven’t owned a TV set in over ten years and have not had consistent access to cable TV in over three decades. So, the existence of a reality TV show called “Deadbeat Dads” would likely escape my attention entirely. But the repercussions would not.

I am a dad who has been convicted–albeit falsely–of domestic abuse. Being current on my child support gives me no special rights. It does, however, open me up to the ridicule showered upon non-custodial dads from politicians and feminists trying to win elections and hundreds of millions in grant money.

The show apparently will take a cheap shot at men, already overburdened by the economy and uncooperative custodial mothers. Its purpose appears to be to make these men serve jail time for unpaid child support. It is the first reality show I know of that shows how alive the idea of debtors’ prison is in the United States of America, today.

According to Wikipedia, only the states of Tennessee and Oklahoma forbid imprisonment for debts. In all the other 48 states, a person may be jailed for failure to pay child support, no matter the reason.

What is notable in the Times article is the Census Bureau statistic that over 90 percent of fathers with joint custody paid child support due. The statistic clearly puts the concept of deadbeat dads in the minority. Even among men with absolutely no contact with their children, the article notes that nearly 45 % of fathers still pay child support. Most people would call this a miracle.

I call myself a “Live-Beat Dad.” I am among those fathers with no access to my children and I have been 100% on time with child support payments since shortly after the date of the first court order over 6 years ago. I call this the sacrifice I have borne for my children.

Yes. I know their mother is getting the money. I know she buys clothes for herself. She puts gas in her car to go the Hawaii legislature to lobby against people like me and even uses the money to support herself when she can’t hold her job and chooses to trash the executive director of the HSCADV (see my 5/5/09 article).

But what about divorced moms who do not allow the father to visit his children?” asks the editorial.

“Visitational Interference: A National Study” by J. Annette Vanini and Edward Nichols, found that 77 percent of noncustodial fathers are not able to spend time with their children, as ordered by the court, as a result of “visitation interference” perpetuated by the custodial parent. This would mean that noncompliance with court-ordered visitation is three times the problem of noncompliance with court-ordered child support. In short, lousy moms outnumber deadbeat dads 3-1.

Imagine that!

While sometimes it seems that Lifetime has an anti-male agenda, perhaps it is simply pandering to embittered moms who make up the network’s audience. The full tragedy of the collapse of many American families remains untold. It is a worthy subject, but it must be told without ideology; it must be clear-eyed about the myriad ways men and women have failed each other. Such radical honesty would make for compelling television and would be a public service. Pity Lifetime is not daring enough to try it.

Pity that our elected officials here in Hawaii are not trying it.

To find out more about “lousy moms” and Live-Beat Dads, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Women Hurting Women and Themselves

May 19, 2009

On May 10, 2009, the New York Times published an article titled “Backlash: Women Bullying Women at Work,” by Katherine Streeter. “During this downturn, as stress levels rise, workplace researchers say, bullies are likely to sharpen their elbows and ratchet up their attacks.

As much as the article talks about bullies who yell, scheme, and sabotage, the article also sheds light on self-destructive, female against female behavior in the workplace. What the article fails to do is make the connection that what happens at work happens at home, too; not just female against female, but family member against family member.

The article cites a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute that “a good 40 percent of bullies are women,” and “women appear to prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than 70 percent of the time.

“Ask women about run-ins with other women at work and some will point out that people of both sexes can misbehave. Others will nod in instant recognition and recount examples of how women – more so than men – have mistreated them.”

As with the quote above, the first response of most women is denial. “Both sexes can misbehave.” But is that really the point? I think not.

The point is that women have unlimited boundaries when attacking others. Our society has failed to understand and deal with the destructive and hurtful behavior of women.

Men are taught fair play at an early age. Men know what a crime is because modern jurisprudence is based upon the transgressions of men against men. The laws on our books for stealing, assault, trespassing, etc, actually give men an advantage because we know that these things are not fair play.

The article is enlightening because it gives one hope that women–at least some women–are beginning to come to terms with predominantly female behavior that is just as destructive as crimes against society that are recognized by the law. Emotionally and physically, the effects of bullying are not that different than assault and battery.

A Wayne State University questionnaire helps identify the range of behaviors that constitute bullying. In addition to “verbal or psychological forms of aggressive behavior that persists for six months or longer,” the university questionnaire includes typical female behavior questions such as: “Over the last 12 months, have you regularly: been glared at in a hostile manner, been given the silent treatment, been treated in a rude or disrespectful manner, or had others fail to deny false rumors about you?

“The Workplace Bullying Institute says that 37 percent of workers have been bullied. Yet many employers ignore the problem, which hits the bottom line in turnover, health care and productivity costs, the institute says. Litigation is rare, the institute says, because there is no directly applicable law to cite and the costs are high.”

But perhaps the most glaring omission of the article is that it does not recognize how women will bring this same type of bullying into the home, in relationships, even at church, and especially in divorce and custody disputes.

In divorce, the man and the children take the full brunt of the bullying. Women are quite well aware that every man has his limits and many women use bullying to push men beyond. Women get custody in about 85% of contested cases across the U.S. and have no incentive to play fair.

Whether a woman wants a coworker’s job or wants to shut out a father from his children’s life, all she has to do is make false allegations. The more allegations she makes, the more likely one will stick. And when the allegations include violence, women are able to tap into the vast resources of the biggest bullying organization since the Mafia; the Domestic Violence Advocate INDUSTRY.

I call Domestic Violence Advocacy an industry because it commands multiple billions of dollars every year. Lawyers, judges and mental health workers from every state depend on the cash flow for their bread and butter. The loosely knit, interdependent players rely on the fear of a woman or–God forbid–a child being hurt. They have the full confidence of State and Federal Governments, the police, family courts, child protection services, and child support agencies that can garnish a man’s pay for more than he makes.

Ardent feminists will help take down any man who stands in their way. Then, they will claim a triumph for another victim of patriarchal oppression. The machine of matriarchal bullying assumes a halo of goodness and leaves the corpses of shattered lives in its path; the perfect angel of death for our modern world.

When women cross each other, the flames do fly. Just look at my article from May 5, 2009, “STATE SPONSORED CHILD ABDUCTION REVEALED.” The document that details an illegal interstate kidnapping comes from the hands of an angry woman trying to take down her boss in the Domestic Violence Advocacy Industry.

The very same woman has consistently denied visitation between her children and their father for over ten years. As a “not quite a social worker,” I wonder how many people have suffered from her attempts to help domestic violence “victims.”

That woman is my ex and my ex is a bully. She is typical of–not only the bullies described in the New York Times article–but of intelligent, powerful, and angry women who are not afraid to use every tool in their arsenal against people who are close to her.

Another example can be found in the Honolulu Advertiser article published on May 4, 2009, “Woman who allegedly ran over officer also chased boyfriend” and here.

After pursuing her boyfriend in her Chevy Pickup–with a clear intent to make road pizza–Norina Rzonca, 33, gunned the engine and tried to run him down again, this time hitting Officer Ming Wang, while ignoring the Officer’s commands–over the patrol car’s loudspeakers–to stop, pull over and get out of the car.

The thread is plain to see. Women have special privileges in our society that they often abuse. The targets of their abuse are often the people around them. Yet, they get away with this abuse often enough that it has become a crime against society. We can be sure Norina will get off with a slap on the wrist.

No one wants to convict a weeping woman, an emotional woman, a woman with a child, a woman with the potential to bear children, or a woman willing to smile. But the truth is, these women are costing our society a great deal in time, money, broken homes, broken families, broken workplaces, and broken dreams.

For my children, the memory of a loving and caring father will always be distant.

My ex has been on the rampage for over 10 years claiming that she is the victim of domestic violence and the truth does not fall far from her claim. She is the cause of our domestic violence. She has victimized herself, her entire family, and she has hurt our children far more than she will ever acknowledge.

And she is not content to stop. Her abusive behaviors, like the abusive behaviors of bullies, will continue far beyond the family we once had.

Bullies need to be recognized for what they are. They need treatment. They need to be helped to stop hurting other people.

To find out more about bullies and the women who destroy families, visit my web site at http://mywiferandoffwithourkids.com.

Child Abuse; For Real

May 16, 2009

Perri Klass is a journalist and a medical doctor publishing articles with the New York Times on various medical conditions. As a doctor and a mother, she is in a good place to have written a moving and authoritative piece on child abuse on May 12, 2009, “The Marks of Childhood or the Marks of Abuse?

Clear signs of abuse of children are few and many signs, broken bones, scalding, abrasions and welts can be caused by children simply being children. Dr. Klass notes that one key to discerning a childhood mal-attempts; “some injuries are inconsistent with developmental stage” of a child.

Ms. Klass recounts a tale of a young boy, “I had just started out in practice when one day I examined a little boy, maybe 4 years old, and discovered around his neck the clear mark of a noose.”

With great hope, Ms. Klass announces the study of child abuse as a pediatric specialty.

I’ve been convicted of “Child Abuse.” Why am I writing about this? With HOPE?

Ms. Klass is at the forefront of a sorely needed profession. She is a medical doctor who, using a growing body of forensic information about child abuse, can determine real abuse from non-abuse.

I have been convicted of false allegations of child abuse in which no factual evidence was submitted to the courts in Hawaii. If I had had a pediatric child abuse professional, the courts would have found no reason to substantiate the lies of an angry and vengeful ex who simply wanted me out of our children’s lives.

Ms. Klass talks about making findings of child abuse when it is present. But the opposite is just as valid a reason for having medically certified doctors who can tell child abuse from a lie intended to tear a family apart.

Both these things cost our society greatly in time, money, manpower, and the wounded children. A child of false allegations who grows up without a loving and caring parent in their lives is bound to carry that scar for a long time.

Hawaii needs to adopt sensible procedures for determining child abuse in contested divorce cases. Recognizing the medical specialty of child abuse forensics would go a long way towards preventing the breakup of families and the abuse of the single parent, sole-custody system that encourages women like my ex-wife to break families apart.

One thing is certain; People do hurt children; not all people and not always intentionally. The challenge is to find out when a parent is purposefully hurting his or her child.

Denial of visitation leaves no visible scars but every child forced to abandon a parent will carry a gaping wound with them for the rest of their life.

To find out more about child abuse in divorce, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Mother’s Day, The Honoree

May 8, 2009

You know your kids–no matter what age they are–will someday have a sense that their mother contributed something positive to their lives. As a Dad, I really want that day to come sooner than later.

And you know it’s going to be a sad story when I tell you we can’t trust their mother to help that day come sooner.

I remember when I was a kid, my mother helped me–and my seven siblings–feel like a family. Rain or shine, we shared in the joys and sorrows that every family should feel. It is not an objective summary. It was a subjective experience that has brought me closer to my siblings and teaches me more respect of my parents with every year that passes.

I really want that for my kids. But I haven’t had contact with them for over 3 years.

My kids get to remember being abducted over 5,000 miles from a family that cares about them more than they will ever know. My kids know their mother who tells them their father is bad. My kids will not know their father who holds out hope–against all odds–that they will someday, still appreciate their mother.

My children learned that their father’s love was expendable. Yet, it was never and I have never failed to love them. Though their mother’s lesson was in vain, I ask them only to forgive where I have failed.

This father does not harbor anger or bad feelings for the divorce or separation. But it is hard to fight the emotion of opposites, the anti-family fear of the faceless enemy, and the powerless of the separated parent.

As a target, and a father, I can only do as my mother taught me and radiate the inclusive energy of a family that never stops believing that we belong; that we all belong to this very special family.

For the first time in ten years, I will be with my mother on mother’s day to celebrate what my children may never know. Married for over 53 years–that’s 53 consecutive mother’s days–you cannot ever teach Mother’s Day. You just know.

I don’t know how to praise my mother any higher than to know what my children have lost. I don’t know how to compensate a grandmother who has lost or the grandchildren who feel so far from her.

So, this mother’s day, I am taking a break from the madness of trying to reach my own kids to honor the woman who taught me sanity.

To find out more about my story check out my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.

State Sponsored Interstate Child Abduction Revealed

May 5, 2009

At some point in the past, a Hawaiian program called HOPE for Battered Women received $156,000 from the Hawaii State Legislature. Several people were hired into this program. The money was used directly to train and hire alleged “victims” of domestic violence and to train them as counselors for domestic violence victims.

Carol Lee became the first Executive Director of the Hawaii State Coalition Against Domestic Violence (HSCADV). Subsequently, Ms. Lee has been accused of undermining the program. She is accused of misleading and manipulating the Executive Committee and of offenses that would have her jailed if her accuser was her judge.

The allegations are vague and unsubstantiated, but it appears that Ms. Lee is accused of, among other things, cutting off support and funding from a mother after the program had spent thousands of dollars helping her abduct her child from California, change her identity, and conceal the whereabouts of the child from interstate authorities.

These are the basics of a saga outlined in a rambling eleven page allegation that I will shortly post to my web site. It is not clear who made what allegations and when they were first made.

In fact, it is impossible to read the allegation letter without pondering the extensive paranoia of the person who wrote the letter. There are allegations that Ms. Lee:

went behind our backs and worked out a deal to get rid of the program and us.

What is clear is that, in at least one instance, the state money provided to the HSCADV was used to facilitate a child abduction across state lines.

Details of the Abduction

Ms. Lee’s accuser describes, a woman, currently known as Mahtab Trueman, and her marriage to a Navy Seal who was “a trained sharp-shooter.” This information apparently serves as evidence that she was abused.

I was a U.S. Marine. I achieved a sharp-shooter badge. Most military men get their sharp-shooter badges on the firing range in target practice well before actual combat. It’s a matter of keeping our boys alive while on the front line. In any event…

The accuser goes on to allege that Ms. Trueman was abused in “unspeakable ways.” This is typical of alleged victims who cannot “speak” of abuse because most of the alleged abuse occurs within the victim’s mind. Perhaps the alleged victim finds her marriage unspeakable. That does not make what happened “abuse.”

The accuser then states,

In 2006, Mahtab began seeking assistance from domestic violence (DV) services in San Diego, Escondido and Temecula, CA.  These services connected her with the [HSCADV] and it’s Executive Director, Carol Lee, who was coordinating with the CA services to execute a planned escape for Mahtab and her infant daughter, (child’s name withheld), to Hawaii.

Whether or not there was an abuser, Ms. Lee is accused of coordinating a child abduction across state borders. Child abduction across state lines is a matter of Federal law governed under the terms of the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act (UCCJA), the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA), and the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act (PKPA) among other statutes against violent criminal action.

Remember that the advocates involved need only have an “allegation” of abuse to commit the child abduction. They need no court approval, no oversight and no evidence has ever to be presented.

Once Mahtab had successfully escaped her abuser she spent 140 days in the Kona, Hawaii DV shelter where she was afforded Personal Parenting and group services, individual counseling and provided supportive assistance by two of the three DV Educators at the HSCADV while maintaining ongoing contact with Ms. Lee.

The father of this child was not given the opportunity to contest his child’s abduction before (child’s name withheld) was gone. The accuser again implicates Ms. Lee in the child abduction and scheme to conceal the child’s whereabouts from her father.

Mahtab recalled Ms. Lee utilizing the “Daysha Aiona Flight To Freedom Fund” that provides airfare for fleeing DV victims three times in her case and said that the HSCADV also paid for the majority of the barge fee for her car to be transported from Kona to Oahu. Because the lethality in Mahtab’s case was rated so highly, the NNEDV’s Identity Change Relocation program under Valenda Applegarth was utilized and Mahtab’s social security number was successfully changed as a result.

In addition to funds provided by the State of Hawaii, Ms. Trueman is said to have been the beneficiary of one or more private funds for real victim’s of domestic violence. The accuser alleges that the “Daysha Aiona” fund is meant to “provide airfare for fleeing DV victims.” The NNEDV program is designed to hide a real victim from a real abuser.

In real life, however, these two programs are designed to separate families. They allow an abusive woman the power and control to destroy family bonds without the consent of the partner to whom they had previously committed their life.

There are no “lethality” provisions in Domestic Violence laws, available to the general public. But, that does not stop the accuser from leaping to the unsupported allegation that eligibility under the NNEDV Program 1) confers innocence on the part of the abductor, 2) establishes guilt of the father and 3) guarantees the absence of the child’s voice in the matter.

Ms. Trueman, it is noted, was also employed by the Domestic Violence Clearinghouse and Legal Hotline (DVCLH) a now defunct subsidiary of the HSCADV.

While in Kona, Mahtab was attacked in broad daylight and it was feared that her abuser had located her so when Mahtab needed hospitalization for an epileptic episode, concern for her safety was so high that Ms. Lee authorized around-the-clock security services for the 3 – 4 days where Mahtab remained under observation.

With no evidence, the accuser raises the specter that a hidden Hawaiian program of cross-border-child-abduction has been compromised. At the same time, she raises concern over an unconfirmed “attack” on a woman who is prone to epileptic seizures. The accuser raises a concern for safety from an alleged and unproven abuser that eclipses the health of the woman, the child, or the family from which the child has been abducted.

On or about September 2008, Ms. Trueman had her 16-month-old daughter removed by Ohau’s Child Protective Services. Her evidence that she was a victim of domestic violence was that she was involved with HSCADV.

In late September of 2008, a remarried Mahtab takes now 18 month-old (child’s name withheld) to Tripler Hospital after a 105-degree fever won’t break.  (child’s name withheld) is kept for observation and while at the hospital, Mahtab suffers a seizure and is provided treatment as well.  After mom and daughter recover, they are discharged home together.  Child Protective Services is contacted and after reviewing Mahtab’s “questionable” background information, they remove (child’s name withheld) from Mahtab’s care.

Ms. Trueman had gotten remarried in this brief time. For the record, whirl-wind romances are a signature trademark of an abusive and controlling person.

CPS had declared Ms Trueman as “not a bona fide victim of domestic violence.” The Guardian ad Litem in Ms. Trueman’s case is accused of calling her “a liar, a fraud and a bad mother.” Ms. Lee’s accuser notes that, in April 2009, “the now 23 month-old daughter remains hostage in non-relative foster care.

And through all this, apparently, CPS had the wherewithal to alert the father of the daughter’s whereabouts.

the GAL and CPS contacted Mahtab’s ex-husband who is now fully aware of mom’s location

Oahu CPS establishes that the alleged “attack” cited above may have simply been an epileptic seizure. They confirm that there has been an interstate child abduction. Having been personally subjected to CPS investigations, and knowing how thoroughly personally intrusive they are, they may have established that the child / father relationship has been permanently damaged.

as the GAL and CPS conduct their investigation into mom’s past, both come to doubt her authenticity as a DV victim.

No harm has come to mother or child from the disclosure to the “alleged” abuser / father. Instead the accuser lists the out-of-pocket expenses of the abductor; legal services, therapy, and substance abuse testing.

The accuser is concerned about the program’s $22,000 outlay of HSCADV grant money having been spent on the mother / abductor including monies spent on her education and training as another domestic violence victim “advocate.”

Who better than a false victim of domestic violence; coerced, cajoled, or enthusiastically, taking up the mantle of DV advocate against unsuspecting fathers who simply want to keep their families together during the emotional separations which we now know are partially supported by state governments?

Who is the accuser? None other than the mother of my own children.

But, there’s more…

STAY TUNED FOLKS.

For more information on child-abduction, visit my web site at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/

Capitulate: Know a Child’s Wisdom

May 1, 2009

Children are often too young to understand the social norms and expectations of adults. A healthy child will often question decisions the parent makes. There is no preconceived tendency of insubordination. It is only the child’s natural response to communicate what he or she wants.

Often, however, it is not the tendency of the parent to ask what the child wants. And in extreme cases, a child who speaks out of turn is often punished.

As parents, we must learn to capitulate. When a child makes a suggestion, it is our job to honor the request. Capitulation means to surrender or cease resisting. That is the parent’s job. To stop fighting against the meaning the child is trying to convey.

What does the child want? He or she wants to belong to the family with significance. Honoring the child’s request takes the child’s concept of belonging to a level of dignity and parity with the adult.

Honoring the child does not mean giving the child everything they want. It means respecting the wish for the child to belong. Interpreting it, not for the candy or the fancy electronic toy,  but for the request for “face-time.” The beautiful recognition of the person in front of you.

Children rarely know how to request honor and respect in their relationship with a parent. If a parent teaches them that things are important, the child will ask for things; sometimes demanding them, in order to get your face-time.

And when you present your face, is it that of a raging, dominant adult, or of a human being in capitulation?

Either way, the child will accept your wisdom as the norm. What is it that you want them to see?

There are links on my web site for family education, children’s rights, and shared parenting. These links can help you understand and know a child’s wisdom.

Visit me and say hello at http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/.