Behind the Times

October 24, 2014

This evening, I sat in on an instructional session from the group I have a lot of empathy for their mission. They are trying to teach kids–while in school–to live in a different world than the one they actually live in.

Kids get bullied in school–a truth we have all known since we were kids. Major media networks are telling young women they should not vote and that beautiful women models are not intelligent enough to comment on mass shootings. Whether we talk about Ebola, National Security, Immigration, the middle-east, Obamacare or any of a hundred topics, bullying is a shameful American national passtime. All this exemplified by Gamergate, where young bullies become internet trolls, above and beyond the law and capable of destroying the lives of their targets.

We are poor role models for our kids. Not a day can go by where one gunslinging politician obscures facts fast enough to fool most of the people all the time. Somehow, we expect our kids to do as we say, not as we do. What fools we are.

There is hope for our kids, but we have to do as we say. Life is messy. Conflicts arise, but they can be resolved. The bullies do have the power to ruin our lives. It is up to us to change the paradigm. It may not be too late. But, if you ask our kids, they will tell you that we are behind the times. Seriously, check out Good people trying to catch us up.

When Angry Feminists Want Revenge

October 10, 2014

Repeal HB 1993

What happens when angry feminists want revenge? In general, they declare a month (October) to be a domestic violence (DV) awareness month. They say that one of every four women will experience DV in their lifetime (and leave out the part where one in every four men will be subject to the same). They declare that a woman is always the victim and they even have Vice President Joe Biden backing them up with irrational statements like, “It is never, never, never a woman’s fault.”

Having established legitimacy to their cause, they then help pass State level legislation against the men–but not the women–who cause domestic conflict to become violent. In most jurisdictions, Temporary Restraining Orders are easier to obtain than a new iPhone. Violations of TROs are usually misdemeanors and that makes angry feminists angrier. “If he’s not burning in hell, he hasn’t suffered enough!”

Current laws already lead to the dissolution of families. Pro-Bono lawyers for “victims” initiate divorce proceedings which requires the opposing party to engage a lawyer with a minimum $5,000 retainer. They engage guardian ad litems and custody evaluators who command upwards of $200 per hour for their services. They begin paperwork for the custodial parent to collect child support, a minimum $15,000 per child over 18 years while the husband is in jail or not working. It’s a comfortable arrangement for the bureaucrats; enriching the lawyers, lackeys and State agencies on the backs of fathers–a reliable source of income thanks to collection agencies.

But when an angry feminist truly wants revenge, they help enact a law that not only helps destroy families, but helps to undermine a system that lawyers, judges, guardian ad litems and custodial evaluators have worked for over half a century since family and civil courts were separated.

On June 20, 2014, a new domestic violence law was enacted in Hawaii that “makes physical abuse in the presence of a child under 14, who is a family or household member, a class C felony, punishable by up to five years in prison.” The makers of House Bill 1993 may have had good intentions, but the consequences couldn’t be more catastrophic for families, lawyers and the system, ultimately doing more harm than good.

Over 90 people, mostly men and mostly fathers of children, have been arrested under HB 1993’s provision in the two months since it became law.

The problem with angry feminism is that the solutions they think up end up being worse than the problems they are intended to alleviate. HB 1993 is a perfect example. Let’s look at some of the things that could go wrong with a law like this.

  • a. Police Officers are people, too. They have to enter into a person’s home and “make a reasonable inquiry of witnesses or household members when physical abuse or harm is suspected and order a no-contact period of 48 hours ” That means they must determine if a misdemeanor or a felony has been committed. If it is a felony, they are required to take somebody downtown based on the allegations of the highly emotionally charged people involved.
  • b. A child must be implicated in a domestic violence dispute under HB 1993. That means the child has to testify against one parent or another. Requiring a child to testify is a last resort in family courts. How will this play out in civil court when one parent faces felony charges? Suppose that the child was not in the same room, was on the phone, on an internet Skype connection or even receiving instant messaging or text messages during the conflict. Is the child in the presence of the family dispute?
  • c. When you are talking about a felony, somebody needs to be jailed pending the verification of allegations. This will likely cause the person jailed, guilty or not, to lose his job.
  • d. The next step in the process is for the “victim” to obtain a TRO. This will likely cause the person jailed to lose his home.
  • e. The TRO will now have to include the child because of the felony and the language of the statute. The person jailed will now lose access to his children.
  • f. The Father will be in jail. He won’t have any income. No lawyers, no custody evaluators and no guardian at litems will be paid.
  • g. Think of how much control this law has given to the State over every individual’s private life under its jurisdiction to intervene in matters that should be and can be resolved within the sanctity of the family, the bastion of democratic principles in the United States.

What has the angry feminist obtained? Revenge? Is this a basis for a law?

Domestic Violence is no joke. Hundreds of thousands of people, men, women and children, are caught up in escalating domestic conflicts every year. We could be teaching our children to handle conflicts in non-violent ways. But that is not what is happening in America.

When a couple is engaged in a domestic dispute, they both become victims of their inability to handle conflict. Escalation of the conflict is often inevitable because neither party knows how to de-escalate. If children are involved or within earshot, stress can increase to where the child feels that running away or even suicide are preferable rather than endure the emotional pain.

We have opportunities to legislatively reduce the incidence of domestic violence. The first item on the agenda should be a comprehensive shared parenting initiative.

  • Remove the obstacles to separating when parents have no solution to resolving domestic conflict.
  • Remove the motive to point fingers and create unsubstantiated and unprovable allegations between intimate partners.
  • Allow parents to separate and still be a part of their children’s lives not-withstanding their faults as human beings.
  • Teach our children tolerance and conflict resolution and aim for a better, brighter future.

HB 1993 is destructive to the family and harmful to children and it should be repealed. We should learn from the failed lesson of this law by reading scientifically based evaluations of Domestic Violence such as is presented in this article, “October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month”, 10/7/2014 by Curtis Vandermolen, Member, California Executive Committee.

Repeal HB 1993. It’s a bad law. It is bad for families, bad for Hawaii and bad for American families across the nation.

I support Chris Lethem for State Senate District 12,

Toddler, Brave and Bold!

June 29, 2012

One of the most challenging things about childhood is seeing it, as an adult, through their young eyes. Yet, every now and then, along comes the most amazing moment that simply opens the door to their world.

Today, I was lucky to experience one of those moments. Walking through the mall at my adult, focused and purposed speed to accomplish the tasks I needed to complete before dinner, I was approaching the threshhold of one of these arcade style stores that caters to children and teens with nothing better to do.

Bolting down and across the aisle towards me was a young lady, perhaps no more than two, with the attendant baby fat of a cherub and the prim dress of a princess. No, not towards me. She was yelling at the top of her little lungs, “Make way, I’m coming through.” She was running as fast as she possibly could with her short legs and ill fitting shoes that make toddling obvious and that cannot, in any way, contribute to the evolution of the human species. Still, the entire scene stopped me in my tracks.

Here I was pursuing the end of task and the goal of accomplishment. And, this child melted away any pretense that my world mattered at all. She was headed for the carousel. The horses and the dragons and the carts in which to ride them. Nothing could get in her way. She was in command of her world.

Such a smile came to me that has not left today.

I once had a child like this and, forever, in my heart, I will always stop and believe that she still exists.

A Dad’s Valentine For Life

February 14, 2012

Sometimes, life is too short. This article in the New Zealand Herald picked up a story about a father in Texas, USA. The article does not go into irrelevant details. It simply states, in words and an impressively stunning photo, the bond that a father and child share, in the moments before his death.

If only every mother could be so understanding of a man’s mortality and the frailty of life; both at it’s beginning and it’s end.

In our modern society, a healthy baby will live and thrive under the care of a surviving parent, or even without a parent. Strangely enough, it’s almost common-place to hear about a woman with, for instance, life-threatening hyper-clampsia not only surviving her pregnancy, but actually, getting released prior to her preemie. There’s plenty, already, to be thankful and joyful about. So, to know that a wife would induce labor for her terminally husband so that he can have the chance to hold–even for a moment–the human being to whom he helped give life, there are few words that could say more than “thank you.”

Yet–for a man–in receiving this gift, one’s frailty fades, one’s mortality is no longer relevant and the emotion of the moments of a life-time are reduced to tears that will have to last for this child for her whole new life. It is a simple, but important, gift that us men have to share.

This Valentine will, with hope, last for generations.

Have a Smart-Phone? Read This:

January 28, 2012

If you own a smart phone of any type, you should be aware that it is more like a computer than a phone. And like a computer it can be hacked.

Read this introductory article from the New York Times, “Build Up Your Phone’s Defenses Against Hackers” by Kate Murphy in their Personal Tech Department.

The “Never Give Up” Dad

January 26, 2012

Hard times have hit a lot of people for quite some time. Several of my friends and acquaintances are running out of unemployment benefits and will soon be part of the uncounted unemployed. There’s a lot of noise about class warfare, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone fighting for those of us on the brink of financial ruin.

So, when one hard-working Dad encourages his kids to keep going to school despite being pushed over the edge, it tells a story for the rest of us. This family’s desperate situation came to light only because their daughter, Samantha Garvey, was a semi-finalist in the Intel Science Talent Search. No doubt she’s smart. But, Samantha’s got something else going for her; a family.

As Rebecca Dube of MSNBC writes up the story on TodayMOMS, Samantha’s blessing is a Dad who doesn’t give up hope even after falling on hard times.

The story was a tear-jerker from the initial headlines a week ago that said Samantha was an Intel semifinalist and homeless. When you find out her Mom was disabled, they got kicked out of their home, their dog was taken to the pound and the Dad works 100 hours a week and finds time to help them stick together as a family with encouraging words and hope for a better future; it gets personal.

“Never Give Up.” A homeless Dad’s message of hope is a message that rings true for so many of us in so many ways.

If I could, I would say the same to my kids.

Children of Divorce:Thoughts

November 3, 2011

One of the pieces of information missing in our vast databases of our technologically connected world is what happens to children of divorce. While the world of social science is inexact at best, often, it is the only window we have to unearth some of the social constructs of flawed morality built into laws that exacerbate the very problem they were intended to alleviate. Such is the world of divorce. Filled with emotion and reaction and lacking any data.

Vikki Stark, family therapist, is conducting a study of the impact on children of how they learned about their parents’ divorce. She is a researcher who is studying the effect of the moment of revelation on children when they learn that their parents are getting divorced. Vikki is looking for participants who would be willing to fill out a questionnaire for her online study.

Vikki wants you to answer a few questions on the topic “How you found out about your parents’ divorce. If you are an adult who was a child/teen when your parents got divorced or are currently a child/teen of divorce – help kids in the future through your participation!”

Vikki has set up a survey questionaire suitable for kids ages 4 to 17 with parental consent or adults who were kids when their parents divorced, to study and analyse the moment of revelation at which parents inform their kids that they are getting divorced.

“The experience of telling your story will help you too.” Read more about it in her Psychology Today article here.

Mango Leaves

October 18, 2011

Did you ever notice, in the hot, overhead, Hawaiian midday sun, that the leaves on the mango tree shimmer and sway gently in the breeze with a hundred different colors. The darkest are the full, rich greens in the shade of younger, opaque leaves. The ripples on the long slender curves shake with branches holding too closely to recently trimmed and well manicured trunk and limbs, the leaves themselves trembling and changing their angle to the eye, oscillating ten or twenty times every second. The next noticeable color is the fresh green of every new leaf lit up with the passing radiant energy of the sun, not cooking or shriveling like our own delicate haole and human skin, but basking along the outer and top edges of every branch. Occasionally, you see a thrust of light brown just unfurled leaves that haven’t had time to drink up their first rain. All around them, the bright green and shaded leaves appear to be dancing, cheering them on, confident, connected and all reaching for the same goal. Near the top, many leaves, fully grown and reaching further in shoots and bursts, glancingly, reflect nearly all the light of the sun. They actually sparkle with a dazzling, super-white reflection, changing in thousand fleeting moments with wind and movement. A mango tree, planted in Hawaiian soil, wants to grow. It wants to put forth fruit that we can all share and that ensure its survival. So too, our children. Such is my tribute, and my wish today, to the sun, the wind, the rain and the beauty of Hawaii.

Dads are an American Icon

September 16, 2011

Hardworking dads are an American icon. Yet, comprehensive and reliable information about a father’s positive role in our children’s lives is hard to come by. The reason why it is hard to come by is not because there is a lack of information. It is because there is an information overload from the other side.

What is the “other side”? To answer; The well-funded, anti-father industry. An outgrowth of the anti-domestic violence industry which is heavily biased in favor of women’s victimization and which allows a woman the right of “innocent until proven guilty” but denies the very same right to men. There is a fractal effect upon society that twists the budding sprig of a child’s emotions into a heavily armored offensive weapon. Our children will bring the anti-dad legacy into the future and it will split into two camps with ever diverging thoughts; 1) that Dads are useless and 2) that children need both parents.

Separation and divorce is one of the most understudied, overwhelming, and detrimental cancers on our children in our time. Yet, the phenomena is treated as a bastard child of social irrelevance. The ease with which a mother may terminate a father’s love leads a child to believe that extinction of a parent is much easier than cutting down an old-growth forest or paving over a wetland. In fact, it is just as easy as ordering a happy meal at a drive-thru judicial proceeding.

It is easier (and more financially lucrative) to separate a father from his children than a mother. Guilty without recourse; father’s are being cut out of their children’s lives and being held liable for the damage to society by their absence; an exponential whammy, exploited by the anti-domestic violence industry, yet, defeating their purpose and enabling the exploitation and abuse the industry creates.

But hardworking Dads are not the type to give up easily. When our children are shorted, physically, emotionally, and spiritually from their other parent, we are the first to speak out and point to the injustice in the system as well as the damage occurring to our kids.

Our kids deserve better. The next time you hear about domestic violence, understand that men and women are equally likely to start or finish the incident. When we acknowledge this little bit, we can begin to work on the problem.

Dads (and moms) are icons to preserve in a child’s mind and psyche for their lifetime, for their livelihood, for our future.

Even Psycho Ex-Wives Admit

August 12, 2011

As more people become aware of family strife exacerbated by family courts looking for easy-way-outs and simple solutions to messy divorces, more people are beginning to accept that the courts don’t know everything and don’t always make the best decisions for the families and the children affected by their actions. There’s more truth to this now than ever, in this internet age where both sides have the opportunity to make their personal lives public. Anthony Morelli is going through just-such a divorce and has chosen to make public the facts that have destroyed his life as is recounted in this article “Bashing your ex in public may be free speech, but is it in your children’s best interests?“.

The interesting thing to note about this divorced couple is the ability of each to accept their responsibility for what happened in their past. Allison Morrelli discussing her alcohol abuse in the article recounts, “I’ve done my own damage, but I’ve owned it, and I’m trying to be a better person for my kids.”

Anthony, describing his own experiences with the divorce, notes “We have been through 3 custody evaluations, 6 false contempt petitions, 3 custody schedules, 1 psych evaluation, 1 false child abuse allegation, 2 false calls to the local sheriff’s office, 4 years of parental alienation, $80,000, 1 break in, 1 case of stalking, 1 restraining order, and we FINALLY have 50/50 custody of their children.”

ThePsychoExWife web page is gone, by court order, but is now replaced by something more important. The right of every individual to decide for themselves what is in the best interests of their children. Morelli’s new web site Save website advocates for free speech in an age where family court judges are making far too many errors on behalf of the “best interests of the children.”

In an age when our family courts can permanently deny visitation between a father and his children based on false allegations, there is a lot at stake for the future of our children. When one parent can deny the love and care of another parent, it is child abuse and it should be recognized as such. No court should have the power to deny visitation based upon demands dictated by only one parent. No court should be above the needs of the family to be reunited.

No court should be able to curb or deny the power of free speech to correct abuses in the court system that was designed to protect, but now is–everyday–destroying the lives of families across the country.

Visit Save website to make a difference. Speak out for free speech. Speak out against the anti-family agenda of people who would tear our country apart, family by family.